Foreword

“Show me the manner in which a nation or community cares for its dead, and I will measure with mathematical exactness, the tender mercies of its people, their respect for the laws of the land, and their loyalties to high ideals.”

`Sir William Gladstone

I’ve known Joe Kalmer his entire professional life. He enrolled in Mortuary School in 1987 and came to live in the funeral home where I was employed. In the Chicago area, some funeral homes house students while they are enrolled in mortuary school. They receive a room or an apartment in which to live and a salary, often meager, but an income nonetheless. In exchange, the mortuary student assists the funeral home staff with any task that may be assigned to him, usually mundane or cumbersome ones that licensed funeral directors don’t wish to do, and don’t have to do, because they have a student. Mortuary students are at the very bottom of the funeral home hierarchy.

Joe was different from prior students. He was a quick study and he understood how the game was played: sort of a dues paying or rite of passage. After all, we all basically know how to do laundry, mop floors and wash cars! This new mortuary student we had stumbled upon not only handled the tasks given to him, but wanted more. In a very short time after his arrival, Joe had mastered the basic tasks and was moving on to handling phone calls, assisting at visitations and funerals, and removing remains from their respective places of death. When a first call came in to the funeral home fifteen minutes before it was time to go home for the day, Joe was one of the first to grab his jacket and ask, “Where are we headed?” Joe was different. Joe cared about people, was of high moral character, and wanted to learn as much as he could about Funeral Service while he lived and worked with us.

Although I don’t actually remember having the discussion with him, funeral directors inevitably ask each other in idle conversation the question, “Why?” Why does one choose this as a career? Is it because you have a calling to help people through some of the saddest and most difficult times of their lives? Is it because you enjoy the fact that no two days are ever the same—as they would be if you sat in the same cubicle in an office building day after day? Or is it because a substantial investment of capital, coupled with good old fashioned hard work, might generate enough profit to provide a decent living for your family? I think Joe would have answered these questions like he answers all questions: honestly, with a hint of a twinkle in his eye…and “YES!”

After his graduation, Joe went home to serve an apprenticeship in Edwardsville, Illinois. Upon completing that, he obtained his Funeral Director/Embalmer license and continued to work at that same funeral home--which he eventually ended up purchasing. After owning his own funeral home for a number of years which included a complete remodeling, Joe sold the funeral home to another firm in his town. He was employed by that firm, and was happy there, but eventually Joe came to the conclusion again that it was time for a change and moved on from there to begin his newest business venture, “Kalmer Memorial Services” in O’Fallon, Illinois.

Change is an essential element of success in anyone’s career, or for that matter in the success of any business. Funeral Service is no different—there have been many changes since the ancient Egyptians began to mummify the dead. They believed that the body must be preserved so that the spirit might inhabit it again someday. During the next 1,500 years or so, advances were made in embalming—not specifically for burying the dead, but rather to preserve human tissue for anatomical research.

The Civil War brought great advances in Funeral Service. Embalming techniques were advanced enough to enable fallen combatants to be shipped home for burial. In all wars prior, the dead were for the most part buried on the battlefield in which they were killed. Following the Civil War, the assassination of Abraham Lincoln with his subsequent one month “funeral tour” of the country caught the attention of the general public. Embalming schools began to emerge to teach the art of embalming. Coffin companies were formed, often times from the town furniture maker, to supply families with coffins to be used to bury loved ones. Some of these furniture store/coffin manufacturers went so far as not only supplying the merchandise for a funeral, but to “undertake” the task of handling the funeral proper. These “Undertakers”, as they were now called, began to build buildings for people to gather for services after the death of a loved one instead of viewing the deceased in the “parlors” of their own homes. Funeral (Parlors) Homes were born.

Arguably, the latest change that has impacted Funeral Service is the internet. The internet was in its infancy when Joe and I were in school. However, it will now allow anyone with a modem instant access to information from across the globe. Information flows at lightning speed worldwide, true or untrue, for all to see and use. It is not uncommon for family members to bring various electronic devices along with them to the funeral home when they come to make arrangements.

While it is true that the many advances have occurred throughout history regarding the science of funerals, the reasons we hold funerals for our loved ones has pretty much remained constant. Funerals are for the LIVING. Funerals provide a means of closure for the immediate family of the deceased, as well as the community at large. They celebrate a life that was lived, and allow friends and neighbors to show sympathy and support to the family at a sorrowful time. This holds true no matter what kind of funeral is arranged as well as whatever your individual belief concerning what comes next for the deceased.

I would guess that cost is probably at the top of everyone’s list of concerns when it comes to funerals. Maintaining the traditions that funerals have amassed over time can be expensive. Cemetery costs, casket, visitation, services, luncheon, flowers, etc. add up pretty fast. No one is denying the fact that funerals can be expensive, but a dignified funeral can be arranged much more economically than you might think. The key to this, in my opinion, is knowledge. The more you understand about a subject (in this case funerals) the better equipped you are to make sound decisions. In light of the circumstances in which you will be making these decisions immediately after the death of a loved one, knowledge is essential.

Knowledge can come from many sources. I think the best knowledge anyone can acquire comes from experience. You can read all of the information you can find about electricity and current and grounding and may certainly understand the concepts, but nothing brings it home to be permanently implanted in your brain as the day you come in contact with an electric fence! The same holds true for funerals: you may read all you care to read, gather all of the information you can, and still not have enough knowledge to make practical choices. On average, a person makes funeral arrangements less than six times in his or her lifetime. Hardly enough experience to be knowledgeable about the subject.

That’s why a funeral director is such a great resource. He or she is a treasure trove of information regarding funeral services. They can not only arrange a meaningful funeral for your loved one, they can navigate the maze of local, county, state, and in some cases, international paperwork involved. Funeral directors, contrary to the beliefs of some, are not people who wring their hands when you enter the funeral home, ready to deplete the family resources. Granted, funeral directors are businessmen and women, but NO business shall remain in business for any length of time if they purposely force people into buying things they know they can’t pay for. It’s offensive and makes absolutely no sense from a business standpoint. We make a significant investment of time and money to build businesses, and more importantly, our reputations.

That’s why I think this book needed to be written, and needs to be read. My friend Joe is the perfect funeral director for this endeavor. Without sounding like a commercial advertisement, he is a knowledgeable funeral service professional with years of experience. Joe has gone from mortuary student to apprentice, employee, owner, and now owner of a new business and author. He has seen many changes in funeral service and is consistently on the cutting edge of new ways of serving the families that call upon him during times of great sorrow.

It is my sincere hope that you read this book and gain some insight on what being a funeral service professional means in today’s world. Feel free to be entertained a bit by Joe’s laid back manner and ability to tell a story---he has a “down home” air about him that will instantly put you at ease. More importantly, learn what it takes to run a successful business in an industry in which most of the clientele are facing the most difficult times of their lives. Take the knowledge gained from reading this book and think about your personal wishes and plans before the time arises. If you take nothing else from this book remember that there are professionals like Joe on duty 24 hours per day, 7 days per week, 365 days per year who are prepared for the honor of caring for your loved one and will, “with mathematical exactness” provide your family with practical, dignified, funeral service.

~John L. Rife, Crest...