Smart Parenting for Smart Kids (eBook)

The Authors Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD, is a child and family clinical psychologist in Princeton, New Jersey. She is the author or coauthor of several books on children's feelings and friendships. Mark S. Lowenthal, PsyD, has helped many children, teens, and their families during his twenty-two years as a clinical psychologist. His private practice is in Maplewood, New Jersey.

Note to the Reader ix

Acknowledgments xi

Introduction: Rethinking Potential 1

1 Tempering Perfectionism: What Is "Good Enough"? 10

Michael: Focusing on flaws 13

Kirsten: Deflecting blame 20

Sam: Avoiding activities at which he doesn't excel 30

Angela: Feeling inadequate 33

2 Building Connection: How Does Your Child Reach Out to Others? 43

Andrew: Seeking an audience rather than a friend 48

Clay: Avoiding joining the group 55

Amalia: Feeling rejected by peers 63

3 Managing Sensitivity: How Does Your Child Handle Criticism, Conflict, and Disappointment? 80

Mario: Perceiving betrayal 83

Jessica: Balking at constructive feedback 90

Samir: Chafing at a change of plans 97

Collin: Shouldering the world's woes 109

4 Handling Cooperation and Competition: How Does Your Child Fit in a Group? 118

Steven: Insisting on his way 121

Anita: Being a sore loser 130

Misha: Fearing competition 138

Craig: Dealing with competition in the family 146

5 Dealing with Authority: How Does Your Child Respond to Those in Charge? 161

Lisa: Being blind to authority 164

Nicholas: Making everything an argument 177

Stephanie: Fretting about adults' anger 192

6 Developing Motivation: What Matters to Your Child? 200

Ethan: Avoiding schoolwork 203

Jared: Complaining that schoolwork is boring 208

Diane: Not applying herself in school 221

7 Finding Joy: What Makes Your Child Feel Happy? 238

Monica: Finding fault instead of fun 242

Conner: Searching for personal meaning 251

Conclusion: The Pressure to Perform Versus the Power to Grow 272

Selected References and Recommended Reading 277

About the Authors 291

Index 293

"This book is a literal Godsend. Parents will find great
wisdom in its pages."

- Stephen R. Covey, author, The 7 Habits of Highly
Effective People

"A smart, deeply perceptive and important
book."

- Wendy Mogel, PhD, author, The Blessing of a
Skinned Knee

"This book helps parents see how to encourage their children to
develop as whole people with feelings, ideas, and the ability to
cope with the occasional disappointment too."

- Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, PhD, author of
Einstein Never Used Flash Cards

"Filled with vignettes and strategies for raising smart
kids to become healthy, happy and contributing adults."

- Vicki Abeles, Producer, Race to Nowhere