Sweet Spot (eBook)

FROM WORKING OVERTIME TO ENJOYING THE SEASONS

'We are all dying, some sooner, some later. The real exception is to truly live.'
--Lee Lipsenthal, Enjoy Every Sandwich

A doctor friend of mine, Lee Lipsenthal, was dying from cancer, leaving children and a beloved wife behind. He came to our monthly Buddhism and neuroscience study group one last time to share what his impending death had taught him. Imagine you've just been told that you have less than six months to live, Lee said to us.

What do you need to do?

Whom do you need to talk to?

Where do you need to visit?

How will you spend your remaining time?

As I visualized my life with a terminal illness, on the precipice of my own death, I was profoundly struck by how totally out of whack my (real) life had become. In fact, my primary reaction to Lee's death meditation was that I would feel relieved to be dying.

This realization was shocking and, frankly, embarrassing. Lee understood, but imagine how insulting this sentiment could have been to him. He would have given anything to be as healthy as I was. It wasn't that I was unhappy with my life--far from it. But I was overwhelmed by it. My imagined impending death released me from the stresses of everyday life. It's obvious to me now that I needed a break--a figurative and literal recess during which I could recharge my proverbial batteries.

The trouble was (and is for so many) that I saw no way to take that break without giving something up. I did not see any ways to free up time for rest and reflection, nor did I see ways that I could simplify or reorganize my life for greater ease and less strain. But now I do.

The first part of the 'sweet spot equation'--Take Recess--is about starting to breathe easier right away by giving yourself tiny moments to recharge throughout the day. I know, I know: You're really busy. Too busy to take any sort of break, much less 'recess.' Bear with me.

Full Plate, Empty Life

Everyone asks: How are you? And everyone answers: I am so busy.

'We say this to one another with no small degree of pride,' writes Wayne Muller in his treatise on rest, 'as if our exhaustion were a trophy, our ability to withstand stress a real mark of character. The busier we are, the more important we seem to ourselves and, we imagine, to others.' Have you ever bought into this self-fulfilling prophecy? When we start to feel worthwhile because of our busyness, we start to believe the corollary: If I'm not busy, I'm not worthwhile.

Most of our modern tasks are what researchers call 'instrumental.' They aren't fun, they are productive, stuff we 'should' do, tasks to cross off of a list. The trouble comes when we eliminate the fun stuff in our lives, when play and rest get eliminated and we use a 'get 'er done approach' to instrumental work. This trouble is best illuminated by a famous study by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the author of Flow.

Csikszentmihalyi unintentionally induced textbook cases of generalized anxiety disorder in people simply by instructing his subjects as follows: From the time you wake up until 9:00 p.m., he explained, 'We would like you to act in a normal way, doing all the things you have to do, but not doing anything that is 'play' or 'non-instrumental.'&thinsp,'

Research subjects could make the beds and wash the dishes, drive the carpool, go to work, come home and make dinner,...