Breakdowns, Breakthroughs and Benzodiazapines

Mark Silvert is a consultant psychiatrist with over two decades of experience in the NHS and a successful private practice in London. His credentials include a Harvard Medical School Clinical Fellowship and research publications, and he has served as a guest lecturer in eating disorders at King's Medical School. He regularly contributes to newspapers and mental health journals globally, including a column in HuffPost and features in Tatler and The Times. 

Chapter 1: Struggling

My belief is that I can’t do enough to help alleviate other people’s mental/emotional suffering. 

Chapter 2: Studying

I made it to medical school through sheer willpower. I refocused on my one, most important goal – I was going to be a doctor. 

Chapter 3: Graduating

My (mis)belief is that I’m not a good enough doctor to help alleviate other people’s mental/emotional suffering.

Chapter 4: Daytime

I thought becoming a psychiatrist would finally make me finally feel at ease. I didn’t expect to feel like an impostor even when I got there. 

Chapter 5: Nighttime

Grueling night shifts. The mental health of every patient during the night was in my charge. Each night, I was technically responsible for the wellbeing of the entire region of London covered by the hospital. The sanity and safety of nearly a million people were in my (rather clammy) 26-year-old hands. 

Chapter 6: Children

Working as a psychiatrist in a child and adolescent ward was a job I absolutely loved. The ward was both a sad and hopeful place. A lot of the children there had been abused but there was relief in knowing they were somewhere safe where they were getting support. Compared to the intensity of the A&E, the children’s ward was a breeze.

Chapter 7: Eating

The midpoint triggers a spark of confidence in my ability to help alleviate other people’s mental/emotional suffering. My new belief is that maybe I can help alleviate other people’s mental/emotional suffering.

Chapter 8: Promoting

My time on the psychiatric intensive care unit – a high-security version of a hospital ward, double air-locked, with specially trained staff. I was hungry to take the next step: I was ready to become a consultant, the final rung on the career ladder in the NHS. All I had to do was nail the interview.

Chapter 9: Leaving

I knew I could create a better future, if not in the NHS, then out of it. I wanted to set up my own clinic. To treat patients in the way they deserve. I knew it was time to leave.

Chapter 10: Money

Moving from being a big fish in a small pond to a small fish in a big pond: the world of private practice.

Chapter 11: Lawyers

Several situations with patients escalated into legal issues that made me question everything I had held true. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was a bad doctor after all… maybe I shouldn’t be a psychiatrist.

Chapter 12: Steering

I am finally confident that I am both able and meant to help alleviate other people’s mental/emotional suffering.