The Lost Art of Listening, Third Edition

Michael P. Nichols, PhD, has been practicing and teaching family therapy since the 1970s. He is Professor of Psychology at the College of William and Mary. Dr. Nichols is the author of numerous books for general readers, professionals, and students. Martha B. Straus, PhD, is Professor in the Department of Clinical Psychology at Antioch University New England in Keene, New Hampshire. Dr. Straus consults and trains internationally. The author of books including Treating Trauma in Adolescents, she maintains a small private practice in Vermont.

Introduction
I. The Yearning to Be Understood
1. "Did You Hear What I Said?": Why Listening Is So Important
2. "Thanks for Listening": How Listening Shapes Us and Connects Us to Each Other
3. "Why Don’t People Listen?": How Communication Breaks Down
II. The Real Reasons People Don’t Listen
4. "When Is It My Turn?": The Heart of Listening--The Struggle to Suspend Our Own Needs
5. "You Hear Only What You Want to Hear": How Hidden Assumptions Prejudice Listening
6. "Why Do You Always Overreact?": How Emotionality Makes Us Defensive
III. Getting Through to Each Other
7. "Take Your Time--I’m Listening": How to Let Go of Your Own Needs and Listen
8. "I Never Knew You Felt That Way": Empathy Begins with Openness
9. "I Can See This Is Really Upsetting You": How to Defuse Emotional Reactivity
IV. Listening in Context
10. "It Takes Two to Tango": Listening Between Intimate Partners
11. "Nobody Around Here Ever Listens to Me!": How to Listen and Be Heard within the Family
12. "I Knew You’d Understand": Being Able to Hear Friends and Colleagues
13. "I’m Not Wasting My Time Talking to That Person!": How to Listen to People It’s Impossible to Agree With
Epilogue