The Internet Family: Technology in Couple and Family Relationships

Katherine M. Hertlein, PhD, LMFT, is a Professor in the Couple and Family Therapy Program in the School of Medicine's Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Health at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and has published eight books on couple and family therapy. Markie L. C. Twist, PhD, LMFT, LHMC, CSE, is the Program Coordinator of the Graduate Certificate in Sex Therapy and Professor of Human Development and Family Studies at the University of Wisconsin-Stout, Wisconsin.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS xvii

PREFACE xix

Purpose of the Book

Outline of Chapters

Key Terms

A Note on Timeliness

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

SECTION 1 Tutorial on Technology and Relationships

Chapter 1 Couples, Families, and Technology

Technology Invasion

Prevalence of Technology in Our Lives

Mobile Connections by Device

The Rise of the Applications: Online Video Games

The Rise of the Applications: Social Networking

Effects of Technology on Our Individual Selves

Effects of Technology on Physical Well-Being

Media Misinformation

Sedentary Lifestyles

Sleep

Effects of Technology on Psychological Well-Being

Life Satisfaction

Technology and Our Work Lives

Projecting What’s Next for Technology in Our Lives

What Does All of This Mean for Relationships?

The Pathology of Pathology

Our View—A Balanced Approach

Conclusion

References

Chapter 2 From Digiteris to Tweeps: Understanding Online Communication Patterns

What Drives Patterns of Technology Use?

Theoretical Models of MotivationsApplied to Social Media Use

The Importance of Being in Sync

Relational Factors Influencing Social Media Use

The Desire for Social Capital

’Cuz You’ve Got . . . Personality (Disorders)?

The Only Thing to Fear Is Missing Out

Comparing Face-to-Face and Internet Communication Technologies

Self-Presentation

Me, My Selfie, and I

Self-Presentation in Couples

Self-Presentation in Families

Shared Data

Rituals and Everydayness

Emotional Intimacy

History-Gathering

Consent

Conclusion

References

Chapter 3 Virtual Impacts on Real-Time Individual, Couple, and Family Developments

Technology Immersion Across Developmental Contexts

Individual Lifespan: Erikson Revisited

Children

Adolescence

Young Adulthood

Self-Authorship in a Relationally Authored (and Heterogenic) Environment

Ecological Life Cycle Models

Bronfenbrenner Revisited

Social Comparison With Peers à la Festinger

Taylor Revisited

Technology Use Across Relational Developmental Stages

Technology, Anxiety, and Distress (Oh My!)

You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Phone

Attachment to Technology: The Missing Link?

Technology: The Monkey on Your Back (And in Your Family?)

Technology, Attachment, and Romantic Relationships

Conclusion

References

Chapter 4 Family “Net”working

Digital Family Communication

Youth and Online Communication

Parenting in a Digital World

Parents and Online Communication

Technology Interference in Parenting

Technology and Adoption

Privacy, Technology, and Family Relationships

From Helicopter-Parents to Drone-Parents:

Surveillance, Spying, and Other Monitoring Strategies

Surveillance Habituation

Family Negotiation of the “Net”

Conclusion

References

Chapter 5 The iCouple

Common Couple Issues in a Digital Age

Survey Says

Just the Two of Us

An Affair to Delete

Social Media and Romantic Relationships

Texting and Romantic Relationships

I Spy With My Little “I”: Surveillance in Couples

Developing Trust Online

Conclusion

References

Chapter 6 Relational Malware: Risks of Technology in Relationships

The Trouble With Tech

Risky Business

Privacy

Your Penetralia is Showing

Privacy Considerations: The People

Privacy Considerations: The Space

Crossing Boundaries in Unbounded Space (Spy-Berspace?)

Cyberbullying

Technology-Based Dating Violence

Sexting

“Sometimes It’s Hard to Be a Woman”

Sweet Revenge?

Cyberstalking

Conclusion

References

SECTION 2 Rebooting Your Relationships

Chapter 7 What About the Internet Changes Our Relationships?

A Social Solution to a Social Problem

The Couple and Family Technology Framework

Theoretical Frameworks

The Flexibility of the CFT Framework

“Everybody’s Doing It”: Acceptability

“Who Are You?”: Anonymity Online

Me and My Shadow: Accessibility

The Ultimate Cheap Date: Affordability

A World of Sims: Approximation

Accommodation

“I Didn’t Technically Touch Them So It Doesn’t Count”: Ambiguity

The Couple and Family Technology Framework in Action

Conclusion

References

Chapter 8 Strengthening Roles, Rules, and Boundaries

Introduction

Roles

Rules

Boundaries

Conclusion

References

Chapter 9 Improving Relationship Launches, Runtime, and Crashes

Relational Intelligence in a Digital World

Relationship Formation

“To Swipe or Not to Swipe”

Being Facebook Official

First Comes Love, Then Comes Meeting

Relationship Maintenance

Development Across the Couple Lifespan

Technology’s Contribution to Relationship Satisfaction

Intimacy Development in Relationships With and Without Technology

Building Intimacy Through Self-Disclosure

Relationship Termination

To Block or Not to Block

Conclusion

References

Chapter 10 Debugging Advanced Internet-Based Relational Problems

Decoding Technology and Relationship Error Messages

Out-of-Control Technology-Related Behaviors

Technophobia

Sexual Technologies

Video and Online Gaming

Relational Power-Ups

Relational Challenge Mode

Action Point: A Case of Out-of-Control Online Gaming Behaviors

What the Tech Do We Do?

You Have Nothing to Fear, but Fear Itself

Winning Over Video Gaming Issues

Managing Out-of-Control Technology-Related Behaviors

Conclusion

References

Chapter 11 Measuring Technology’s Impact on Relational Life

Assessment of Internet Impact in Daily Life: The Chicken or the Egg?

My Problem Is You(Tube)

Measuring “Addictive”/Compulsive Internet Use

Measurement Tools

What’s in a Name?

Measuring Online Sexual Behavior

The Rebirth of Slick: The Couple and Family Technology Assessment Revised

Conclusion

References

Chapter 12 Developing Your Personal Technology Integration Plan With the Couple and Family Algorithm

Technology Integration Plan

1. Consider the Audience

2. Maximize the Benefits

3. Consider the Motivations

Integration Ideas for Structure (Roles, Rules, Boundaries)

Boundary Tip 1: Check Your Email—Don’t Let Your Email Check You

Boundary Tip 2: Cover Your Private Parts (or Privacy Management)

Rule Tip 1: Develop a Rule for Your Family on Collective Privacy Management

Initiating Relationships

Rule Tip 1: Recognition of Gatekeeping in Online Dating

Rule Tip 2: Recognition of the “Eight As”

Maintaining Relationships

Intimacy Tip 1: Electronic Fantasy Dates

Intimacy Tip 2: Using Asynchronous Methods to Manage Conflict

Intimacy Tip 3: Using Synchronous

Methods to Obtain Support

Intimacy Tip 4: Ensure Online Friends Are Offline Friends as Well

Trust Tip 1: Recovering From Online Infidelity

Trust Tip 2: Managing Surveillance

Ending Relationships

Termination Tip 1: “Give Up The Ghost”

Termination Tip 2: Using the Benefits of the Internet to Structure Interactions

Online Behavior and Children: Some Guidelines

Rule Tip 1: When Should My Child Be Granted a Cellphone?

Case in Point: A Tale of Two Kiddies

Rule Tip 2: Boundaries and Rules for Safeguarding Against Cyberbullying

Conclusion

References

INDEX

APPENDICES – ONLINE ONLY

[can be accessed at www.routledge.com/9781138478053]

Appendix A: Ecological Elements Questionnaire

Appendix B: General Technological Focused Genogram Questions

Appendix C: Couple and Family Technology Focused Genogram Questions

Appendix D: Questions for Consideration Across an Electronic Developmental Lifespan