Women Like Us (eBook)

Section Two - Never, Never, Never Give Up, Pass It On

The little amber colored glass piggy bank sat on the dresser in the bedroom I shared with my sister Twila. I can hear my mother’s voice telling me to save my pennies, nickels and dimes for college. I did not know how much college cost, but I knew I would be going—and that piggy bank represented the start of what it would take to get there.

Education and preparation for the future were important in our family. Both my parents were from families of little opportunity and whatever they had, whatever they accomplished was certainly earned by hard work, dedication and perseverance.

My mother, the daughter of Joe and Betty Fannin, farmers in central Illinois, was one of six kids. She was the smart one. The one who had possibilities. The one who moved to town to attend high school and worked for a local family during the week. To earn her room and board, Freda Fannin slept by the furnace in the basement at night and cleaned and cooked when she was not in school. She graduated from high school at 16 years old. With no prospects for college, she struck out on her own at a very early age. I never heard her talk much about her high school years. I am sure they were different than mine. I don’t imagine mom went to the prom. I wish I would have asked her…

My father, the eleventh child of Harry and Viola Rendleman, grew up in a southern Illinois bible town. Leaving home at 17 years old to work in a CCC Camp, President Roosevelt’s program to get unemployed kids off the streets, Dad’s future did not seem to include higher education. But ultimately, quitting high school and joining the Marines was the start of his life-long learning. Using the GI Bill to obtain a bachelor’s, then a master’s degree, while taking on a wife and children, illustrates my parents’ dedication to improving all of our lives through education.

So when, as a child, I was encouraged to find something better, to take advantage of the opportunity to be an educated adult, it never crossed my mind that I would not earn a college education. I did. And I earned a second degree in graduate school. But, it wasn’t easy. An education and a responsible way to make a living became more and more important as I grew into a woman and became a wife and mother. I was now prepared with my degrees. But, what about fulfillment? Many of us remember the days of bra burning and the controversies of Kent State, the Viet Nam war, and Richard Nixon. And we know that amidst all of the civil unrest there was unrest in the minds of women. There was the fight for equality, for same jobs for same pay, for a level playing field, for opportunity and verification that our lives mattered just as much as men’s. I call it “penal power;” this false thinking that men are more valuable than women, that men’s contributions are more important, and their opinions more intelligent. Penal power exists today, certainly, but fewer and fewer men are unenlightened as to the very important role we women play in the mechanics of the world.

Along with the importance of education, we were taught the importance of work. My first job was as a car hop at the local A&W Root Beer stand. My sister Toni already worked there, she is two years older than I am. Going to work in my white blouse and black pants, fastening the paper hat with the A&W Root Beer emblem on the front, and tying on that black apron made me an official working girl. I learned to hate the smell of onion rings and tenderloins that summer, but I learned to love a boy. My first love was—Tom Storm. Tom worked inside as the “soda jerk.” He was on the high school football team. I can see him today standing at the root beer machine pouring root beer into the glass mugs and stroking his biceps at the same time.

My relationships with men would change, as would my means of support, but the underlying work ethic and the attitude of never giving up on your goals instilled by my parents has remained.

The message of perseverance and determination is passed down to our children just as we learned it from our parents. My own children watched their mother operate mostly as a single mom. We

really had a sense of being “all in it together.” Our theme songs were varied at times but sounded a bit like “You and Me Against the World” along with a louder rendition of “We Are Family.” Our spirits were glued together by the cause of our situation and the family team we had created. People feel sorry for single moms because it is hard to work and raise children on your own. I agree. But the hidden gift, the butterfly out of the cocoon, is the gift of closeness and family spirit that comes from being slightly handicapped. We knew we had things tough at times, but we also knew we had each other. And when there is love and respect for one another, which we certainly had, all things are possible and survivable.

Jane Ellen is my first child. I heard someone say once that the first child is the practice child because we have little idea of what we are doing. We make mistakes with the first one. I am sure I made my mistakes with Janie. Yet in spite of my young mother fumbling, she grew into a shining woman. I was almost a child myself at a young 21 years old when she was born. We would sing songs and play games for hours and hours. It is so easy with the first and only child. I am glad we had four years together before her sister was born. And, somehow Janie turned out to be my most sensitive child. Maybe that extra time together with me the young mom and her the new little girl full of light gave her that loving spirit she carries with her today. Her love of animals and focus on her children illustrates that never, never give up attitude needed for reaching life’s goals. She is devoted to her two children and understands the importance of encouraging them with the same sense of caring she has in herself.

Catherine Ann was born as the sandwich child. Although, I don’t know that she felt that way, because her brother is six years younger than she is. But, from one middle child to another, there’s a certain understanding Catt and I have about the importance of holding things together, sticking with family when times get tough, and making sure that everyone “gets it” when it comes to the importance of our close family relationships. Catt is my child of perseverance. She is the one who would start her homework late at night just when the rest of us were off to bed, rise the next day with a happy spirit, head off to school with completed tasks in hand, and bounce off to cheerleading or sports practice at the end of the day— and still have time to be everybody’s best friend. Her energetic demeanor and “can-do” attitude have paid off today in her career and her success as a mother. She has found the knack of doing it all and doing it all well.

Finally, AJ, my youngest child and only son, learned early on that women are to be respected. Even at a very young age, he learned the meaning of equality and respect for women. With a feminist for a mother and two pretty outspoken sisters, strong women and positive thinking were a way of life for him. Then, as a grown man who accepts his responsibilities and respects women as his equal, he often said he wanted to find a girl just like his sisters to marry. His certain charm and grand sense of humor helped him find one, too.

Our attitudes and beliefs as mothers are surely passed down to our children. Whether intentional or unintentional our views on life and the world easily become theirs. This includes the belief of never, never giving up.

Yes, like birds with wings, children will grow up and fly away. And, the impressions, beliefs, and outlooks which have been placed before them by us as mothers, go with them.

What Message Are We Sending Our Children?

…more working moms than any other generation…

This generation of young people has grown up with more working moms than any other generation.

I can remember my own mother at home with us until I was in my high school years. She decided to go into the work force then because we girls were getting close to college age and the income was necessary to get us educated. I also remember that I didn’t like it! I was used to seeing her every afternoon when I got home from school. I was used to her having time to make dresses for me for school functions. (Yes, she even sewed! That’s a lost art, isn’t it?) I liked knowing that she was there to pretty much make my life comfortable.

Yet, a lot of our kids have never known a life where their mom is at home as that steady force, there to get you after school functions, there to listen when you come home and you’ve had a fight with your best friend, there to offer cookies and milk at the end of a hard school day. I respect my Mom for being there. I respect her for choosing not to be there when the time was right for her to do otherwise.

So by choosing career, job, work, whatever it looks like to each of us, ( noting that the word “choosing” is many times not so much a choice as a necessity) what are we telling our children? I think we’re sending a very strong message to our children that we women are, yes, part of the bigger world, not just their family world. That we have much to contribute and that we are proud to make the choice to do so. From CEO to administrative assistant, from home-based business to “Welcome to Walmart,” from the woman who chooses to stay at home with her children, to the one who travels the country with her work and her contributions, we have made the statement that we exist, that we are there, that we matter, no...