Destructive Myths in Family Therapy: How to Overcome Barriers to Communication by Seeing and Saying – A Humanistic Approach

Daniela Kramer-Moore is currently a Visiting Lecturer in the Department of Psychology, University of Warwick. A family therapist with many years' experience of working with high risk adolescents and their families, she now heads the post-graduate Psychotherapy Centre at Oranim Academic College, Kiryat Tiv'on, Israel, where she previously led the Masters program in Educational Counselling. Michael Moore is currently a Visiting Lecturer in the Department of Psychology, University of Warwick. He is a social psychologist with many scholarly publications in the field, and was until recently Head of the Department of Education in Technology and Science at Technion - Israel Institute of Technology, Haifa, Israel.

Preface xiii Acknowledgments xvii Part I Seeing The Choices weMake 1 1. Blindness, orWith EyesWide Shut 5 Dangers, Taboos, and Punishments 8 Identified Patients 9 A Continuum of Blindness 10 Total blindness 11 Tunnel vision 11 Partial vision 12 Broad vistas 12 Clear vision 12 Surprise, Surprise! 13 The Irreversibility of Seeing 14 Activities 15 1 Pin the tail 15 2 Blind walk 15 3 Blind spots 16 4 Train ride 16 5 Picture gallery 17 6 To see ourselves as others see us 17 2. Distortions, or It s All for the Best! 18 A Few Ego Defense Mechanisms 20 Family Defense Mechanisms 21 Activities 30 1 Family map 1 30 2 Family map 2 31 3 Family gossip 31 4What do the neighbors think about us? 32 5 Masquerade 32 3. Insight through Therapy, or To See or Not To See 33 The Goals of Therapy 35 Stages of Therapy 37 Stage 1: Insightful recognition of PFPs 37 Stage 2: The implementation of change 40 Stage 3: Evaluation and conclusion 47 Activities 49 1 Family pain mapping 49 2 Genogram 49 3 Roles 50 4 A sack of stones 50 5 Conflict orWhat is this quarrel about? 51 6Windows 51 4. Making TherapyWork, or PracticeWhat You Preach 52 The Therapist as Client 53 Neutrality, Empathy, Authenticity, and Creativity 54 The Therapeutic Agreement 58 Types of Clients 61 Stopping and Reflecting 62 Implementing Change 63 Individual vs. Family Therapy 64 A FewWords on Group Psychotherapy 65 About the Activities 66 Multicultural Perspective 67 Activities 70 1 Agreement 70 2 Listen! 70 3 Good cop, bad cop 71 4 The four Fs 71 5 Empathy training 71 Part II Saying The Power ofWords 73 5. Homeostatic Messages, or Don t Rock the Boat! 77 Let s not talk about it 82 Everyone has problems! 85 Count your blessings 86 Better the devil you know 88 Activities 90 1 A word to the wise 90 2 Action blockers 91 3 Time travel 91 4 A note to myself 92 5 Script writing 92 6. Lack of Authenticity, or Keep a Stiff Upper Lip 94 Four Conceptions of Authenticity 95 Authenticity as a Trait 100 Pseudo Living 101 And They LivedHappily Ever After 102 C mon, Give Daddy a Smile! 103 Play Hard to Get 105 What Will the Neighbors Say? 106 Forgive and Forget! 107 Activities 108 1 A word to the wise 108 2 Hidden Agenda 1 108 3 Hidden Agenda 2 109 4 Objects 109 5 Dinner time 110 6 Packages 110 7. Inequality, orWhat Can You Expect From a Man? 111 The Status of Children 113 Spousal Equality 115 It s for your own good! 116 Honor your father 119 I m glad we had this little talk 120 It s not the same thing 121 I told you so 122 Activities 123 1 A word to the wise 123 2 Line up 123 3 A piece of cake 123 4 Favoritism 124 5 Respect me! 124 6 Same or different? 125 8. Belittling, orWho Do You Think You Are? 126 Types of Belittling 128 Targets and Consequences 129 You are too young to understand 135 You re just like your father/mother! 136 But at least you ve got nice eyes 137 It s all your fault 138 You re oversensitive 138 Activities 140 1 A word to the wise 140 2 Little people 140 3 Pick a card 140 4 Family sculpture 141 5 Ruler 141 9. Bookkeeping, or Just YouWait 142 Individualism vs. Collectivism 144 Bookkeeping in the Family 145 You owe me! 146 I ll never forgive you 147 But you yourself have said so! 149 It serves you right! 150 This is the last time I m taking you on an outing! 151 Activities 153 1 A word to the wise 153 2 The black book 153 3 Rooms 153 4 Family secrets 154 5 Shopping list 154 10. Family Rivalry, or Divide and Conquer 155 Sibling Rivalry 159 Parental Rivalry 159 Let him have it! 160 OK Who started it? 161 Why can t you be more like your sister? 162 Who loves Mommy best? 164 Activities 166 1 A word to the wise 166 2 Once upon a time 166 3 Family scripts 166 4 It figures 167 5 Family garden 167 11. In Lieu of Conclusion: Myths in the Service of Psychopathology 169 Activities 173 1 A letter to myself 173 2 Family sculpture 173 3 I andWe 173 4 Temperature taking 174 5 The road taken 174 6 Closure 175 References 177 Index 191