SplendidVenus, A Dream (eBook)

1.
A Dream

It was a hot summer evening, and I found myself sitting in the living room, engrossed in a documentary about the Golden Gate Bridge on TV. Its structure was truly amazing, and I could not help but be fascinated by its beauty. As I stared at it, a thought crossed my mind: “One day, I will walk on that bridge. I want to be there.” Closing my eyes, I could vividly imagine myself strolling along the bridge, feeling the wind in my hair.

“Happy birthday, Zohre joon!” Shiva exclaimed. With a mischievous smile, she added, “I hope you celebrate your wedding soon!” This was a common joke among teenagers, especially girls. Depending on the families, it could be a joke or a genuine wish. For us, it was just a joke. At 15, we both had big dreams, and getting married soon was not one of them. I laughed and replied, “Instead of wishing me a quick wedding, wish me a birthday celebration on the Golden Gate next year!” Shiva looked at me confused and asked, “What is Golden Gate?”

I replied, “A beautiful bridge in San Francisco. I want to celebrate my birthday there one day. Soon, very soon!”

I was born in a middle-class family in Esfahan, Iran. I have two sisters and a brother. My dad served in Iran’s Army. He was a General and retired when I was 17. Our family was very well respected because of my dad’s rank, and although his salary was not great, it was enough to maintain a middle-class life. My mom was a housewife. She was always telling me and my two sisters, “It doesn’t matter how rich your husband is; you should always make your own money and be independent.” This was something that I loved to be: independent!

“You need to choose a major now. We will give you a form, and you will fill it out and bring it back. Based on that form, you will continue your education in this high school, or you will be transferred to a Professional and Technical Training Center or Work and Knowledge Center,1” the high school principal said.

—The form has two parts —she continued —Fill out the first part and list the majors you’re interested in. Write down the one you’re most interested in first and the one you are least interested in last.

During the first year of high school, we took Math I, Physics I, Biology I, Chemistry I, Farsi Literature I, English I, Arabic I, Religious Studies I, Quran I, History, Geography, and Social Sciences. Based on our grades and interests, the high school principal and her assistants would decide what major was appropriate for each student. I had to make a tough decision at the age of 15.

—No way! I will never let you choose Social Sciences. You’re very smart. It’s a pity to waste your time on Social Sciences. You can become a great doctor. —My dad said angrily.

—I want to become a lawyer. —I replied.

—There is a Hadith2 saying there are four groups of judges, of which three go to hell. —He replied stubbornly.

— But women cannot become judges in Iran. —I retorted. —They can just be lawyers. —I continued.

—Don’t talk back to me! You will choose Natural Sciences and you will become a doctor!

—If I choose Natural Sciences, this doesn’t mean I will become a doctor! Zari and Behrouz (my older siblings) studied Natural Sciences and they couldn’t get a high enough score in Konkour3 to enter med school.

—You can! I know you can! —He insisted.

—Dad — I tried to explain —I must study a lot for that, and you know me: I can’t sit there day and night and study. And you also know I hate blood; I can’t even put a band aid on my own wound! Whenever I cut my finger, I can’t look at it, and you or mom have to put the band aid on for me…

But he interrupted before I could finish.

—You will get used to it.

—There is no way I can get used to it! I will suffer every moment!

—If you choose Social Sciences, you’re not my daughter anymore.

Ok then! —I replied harshly—Neither what you want nor what I want! I will choose Math and Physics!

My dad looked at me bemused.

—Ha! You will change your major to Natural Sciences after a year, you’re not good at math!

—My grades say otherwise — I responded.

—Well, what you passed in the first year of high school is nothing. You will see it next year...

In the end, I wrote Math and Physics first in the form and my dad wrote Natural Sciences first. Since my grades were good, the principal agreed with Math and Physics. However, I still harbored the desire to become a lawyer.

In my first year of high school, I befriended one of my classmates, Farzaneh, who was two years older than me. She had not attended school for a while due to illness, putting her two years behind. Despite our differences, I cherished our friendship. Farzaneh dressed in a chador4 and held extreme religious beliefs. While I, too, was religious, I was more open to criticizing Islam.

Farzaneh struggled academically, particularly in Math, Physics, Chemistry, Arabic, and English. I tried to assist her with those subjects. A library affiliated with Hawza5 was conveniently located near our high school. Women had to wear a chador to access the library. Once or twice a week, we would go there after school and study for 2-3 hours. I carried a chador with me, putting it on just before entering the library.

One day Farzaneh remarked, “I think you look more beautiful with a chador, why don’t you wear it all the time?” I laughed: “You talk like our morality police!”

—I’m serious; have you ever considered that? —my friend insisted.

—No way! —I replied.

—Why not?

—In summer I already feel hot with a manto6 and scarf. If I want to wear chador too, I will get cooked!”

—Come on! I’m doing that, and I am not cooking!

—Not yet!

—But seriously, why don’t you try it for a few days?

I paused and realized I had never really thought about it.

—Do it for me, just for two weeks. I’m sure you’ll love it. —she was trying hard to convince me.

—Ok —I finally conceded— I guess it doesn’t hurt to try just for two weeks.

I started wearing a chador the next day. My mom did not like the idea initially, but when I insisted, she finally agreed. Despite being religious, my parents weren’t fond of the restrictions and impositions associated with religion. They raised us to be open-minded.

During fall and spring, some mornings on my way to school, I would get off the bus a few stops early, where my friend Farzaneh was waiting, and we would walk together to school. We would also walk together to that bus stop after school, and then I would take the bus.

A few days after I started wearing the chador (which I soon realized was not easy at all), Farzaneh and I were walking back home from school. There was a boys’ high school on our way, which had just let out. To avoid crossing paths with the boys, we moved from the sidewalk to the road. However, a bus passing by caused my chador to get stuck and take a bus ride of its own! Though I was wearing a manto and scarf under the chador, it was still embarrassing. The bus stopped at a bus stop right in front of the boys’ high school.

—Quick, go get your chador! Run! —Farzaneh said.

—It’s ok, I’m not going to get it in front of all those boys… —I felt very embarrassed.

—Go, get it! It’s a pity to lose it like this. Come on!

Reluctantly, I walked towards the bus stop. Farzaneh shouted, ‘Run!’ So, I started to run. Finally, I reached the bus and retrieved my chador. I went back to Farzaneh and declared, “I will never wear a chador again!” That was the last time I wore a chador as part of my everyday clothes.

—You know, I think we can’t be good friends, we’re very different —Farzaneh told me one morning after our “chador incident”.

It caught me by surprise.

—Why are you saying that? I like you and I enjoy being with you —I replied.

—I think this is the best for both of us.

—Are you upset because of chador?

—It’s not just that… you should find a friend who is more like you.

—But who?

—How about Shiva? I think you both can be good friends —Farzaneh proposed.

Shiva was a nice girl who lived in our neighborhood.

— Well, I have seen her several times at the bus stop in the morning and we have chatted a little bit…

—See, you can be good friends.

I still could not understand why we could not continue being friends like before.

—Are sure you don’t want to spend time with me anymore? —I asked Farzaneh again.

—Yeah, I’m sure.

Well, that was it.

—Ok, then I’ll sit next to Shiva and try to be her friend.

Shiva and I became very close friends, a friendship that continues even now. I still saw Farzaneh at school, and we would talk a little sometimes, but that was all. Later, Farzaneh became regretful and blamed me for being with Shiva all the time.

—The new love drives out the old love! —Farzaneh told me one day.

—What do you mean?

—Now that you became friends with Shiva, you have completely forgotten me.

I was perplexed.