Audrey or Sorrow (eBook)

Mac Oh yes you did!

Grass I did not! I never ever left you on a log in the middle of the stream.

Mac River.

Grass What river?

Mac You wanted to play with Coldette Maline.

Grass Her? She was a fright.

Mac She was your best friend.

Grass For about five minutes.

Mac You’re my only friend.

Grass Now. Yes. But then.

Mac You’re getting agitated.

Grass No, we’re having tea.

Mac Alright we’re having tea.

Grass Is it good?

Mac The whiskey in it is good.

Grass Stop right there!

Mac Is it lapsang?

Grass Lady Grey.

Mac Divine.

Grass Would you like a crumpet?

Mac I’d love a crumpet.

Grass You may go to my fridge.

Mac No it’s alright.

Grass You may.

Mac No the fridges are separate.

Grass That has to change.

Mac No. No.

Grass In my fridge there is a crumpet with your name on it.

Mac I’m not hungry.

Grass I’ll get it for you.

Mac No wait.

Grass What’s wrong?

Mac It reminds me of something.

Grass What?

Mac An orange tree, a woman weeping on a terrace, somewhere hot.

Grass That’s a false memory.

Mac No a woman was weeping. Then she flung herself backwards while a man stood there with his arms by his side. He said ‘Hmm’ in Spanish. Hmm. Or was it Portuguese?

Grass We don’t know those places.

Mac Grass we were there.

Grass I’ve never been on a terrace in my life. Orange trees? You’re disgusting.

Mac Not as disgusting as you.

Grass Who leaves the bin in the bathroom full of bloody …

Mac Stop!

Grass Parading them. Flaunting them!

Mac I can’t help it.

Grass Yes you can! Yes you can! Drink your tea.

Mac I’m drinking it.

Grass How is the bridge?

Mac Oh … great.

Grass You won?

Mac I believe I did.

Grass Was that old witch there who cheats all the time?

Mac What witch?

Grass Biddy?

Mac Biddy? Oh Biddy. Yes she helped me win.

Grass Did she smile at you?

Mac God no.

Grass Did she smile at you?

Mac Sort of.

Grass Does she still have teeth?

Mac You know Grass everyone has teeth nowadays.

Grass They don’t fall out any more?

Mac No. Never.

Grass Why not?

Mac The tooth fairy.

Grass Oh …

Thinks.

Is she real?

Mac I believe she is. Yes.

Grass (thinks) I thought the tooth fairy took your teeth away.

Mac That’s only in our culture.

Grass But when they fall out?

Mac But they don’t … any more … I read an article about it.

Grass Oh.

Mac Apparently when they fall out they stick them back in … with … eh … Sellotape … yes that’s what the article said. Draphonopholus the tooth fairy, she’s the daughter of the tooth fairy queen and she comes around at night and if your tooth gets loose she hammers it back in with a golden hammer.

Grass Miraculous.

Thinks.

Will she be coming here?

Mac Is your tooth loose?

Grass Yes.

Mac Then she’ll come.

Grass Will she ring the doorbell?

Mac Yes.

Grass I’ll know what time?

Mac It’ll be late … the article said.

Grass How late?

Mac Um … Midnight.

Grass Is she coming tonight?

Mac How loose is your tooth?

Grass Very.

Mac Maybe we should call her.

Grass You have her number?

Mac I forgot to take it down.

Grass Why?

Mac I didn’t know your tooth was loose.

Grass I see.

Mac Are you mad?

Grass No Mac I’m just a little disappointed.

Mac I’m so sorry Grass.

Grass Drink your tea.

Mac Look I’ll go and get her number now.

Grass No it’s okay. I think my tooth won’t fall out tonight. Tell me the Sellotape bit again.

Mac After the golden hammer she applies the Sellotape.

Grass Her own? Or mine? Or yours?

Mac Her own.

Grass Because she’s not getting any of my Sellotape.

Mac And mine’s used up.

Grass And that’s my fault?

Mac God no.

Grass You were insinuating something.

Mac I was insinuating nothing.

Grass Get out of my sight!

Mac Will I wash the cup and saucer?

Grass If you go near the sink!

Mac I was only trying to help. You’re burdened Grass. There was a time I was always at the sink.

Grass And you looked at my fridge today.

Mac I didn’t.

Grass You did.

Mac What makes you think that?

Grass I don’t think it. I have evidence.

Mac Oh.

Grass I caught you.

Mac I was dreaming. I don’t remember. It wasn’t deliberate.

Grass Which is it?

Mac I didn’t mean to look at your fridge.

Grass You wanted a crumpet.

Mac I didn’t. I swear I didn’t.

Grass All you have to do is ask.

Mac I know.

Grass Am I mean to you?

Mac No. Never.

Grass It was you left me high and dry on the log in the middle of the river.

Mac Stream.

Grass More tea?

Mac No thank you I’m … I’m …

Grass A mince pie?

Mac It’s July.

Grass I made some.

Mac Oh.

Grass What do you say?

Mac I have a date.

Grass Whenever things are going smooth between us you have a date. I should put you in a casket right now.

Mac You’re getting out of hand. This is teatime.

Grass You brought up your date.

Mac...