Red Bottom Line (eBook)

CHAPTER 1

The stewardess bent low and held a tray of typical Aeroflot drinks in front of the passengers sitting in the three seats on the left side of row. The liquids in the plastic glasses came in three colors: neon yellow, brownish orange and pink. The jet bounced through some turbulence and all the drinks rolled around in their glasses like heavy motor oil. The man in the aisle seat and the woman in the middle seat next to him – the only two Americans on board the February 12, 1977, flight from Moscow to Kiev – looked at each other and made faces.

“Care for another fine Russian refreshment made entirely from materials not found in nature?” the man said to his traveling companion.

“Oh, why, I’d love to, but I’m trying to watch my weight. I’ll pass.”

The stewardess didn’t budge. She looked as if she hadn’t smiled since the last time she played jump rope.

“Nyet,“ the American woman said, shaking her head for emphasis.

The Russian in the window seat reached across the two Americans and chose one of the orange concoctions. The stewardess, still stone-faced, moved on to the next aisle. The American man nudged his friend.

“Barbara, ask him if he’d rather have a Pepsi.”

“No way! You ask him.”

“Me? I don’t know Russian. You can speak it a little at least. You’ve been over here a lot longer than I have. Just tell him, ‘My friend Will here wants to know if you’d like a Pepsi instead of that glass of ceiling paint.’“

Barbara Roselle giggled and put her hand on Will’s. He’d been liking his Soviet assignment for PepsiCo far too much, she thought. He went around handing out bottles of soda as if they were magic genie lamps, apparently figuring that if he could stay here long enough and hand out enough bottles of Pepsi, he could single-handedly open a market to Western products that had been closed for three decades. Barbara, who had four years in the U.S.S.R. with Occidental Petroleum under her belt, wished Will were right, but knew he wasn’t.

“All right, I’ll ask him,” Barbara said, smiling. “But this is absolutely the last time, OK?“

“Mmmmmaybe.“

She thought a minute to get the words straight, then turned to the man in the window seat, who had polished off half of his glass of orange drink. Quietly, not wanting to draw the attention of any other passengers, she said, “Prostite, tovarishch, ne hotite li Pepsi-kolu?” Excuse me, but would you like a Pepsi Cola, comrade?

The man looked at her closely. It had been obvious to him from the moment they all took their seats that Barbara and Pete were Americans. Both were in their early thirties and wearing Western business clothes. The blue and red in Barbara’s dress were colors that East Bloc garment factories never churned out. Anything brighter than dull mustard was rarely available in any Soviet shop. And Will’s gray wool suit stood out against the baggy linen and polyester outfits that draped even high Soviet officials. The Russian in the aisle seat had stayed scrunched into his corner, ignoring those two from a nation that was supposed to be his enemy. But Barbara’s offer touched a chord.

“Pepsi?” the man said.

“Da, Pepsi.“

The man smiled, showing off a wide mouth of mostly rotted-out teeth. “Spasibo.”

“All right, Will, you’ve got another customer.”

“Hey, works every time,“ Will said as he fished a five-inch-tall cola bottle out of his carry-on bag, which he’d left in the aisle the way everybody else did.

“Pozhalsta!” he said to the man as he handed him the bottle.

The man showed Barbara and Will one more glimpse of that dental work. The Russian patted Barbara’s hand, which was sitting on their shared armrest. Then the two Americans watched as the man — with only some effort — pulled the cap off the bottle with his bare hand.

“That was not a twist-off,” Will said.

Barbara laughed and put her head on Will’s shoulder.

“You know, I can’t tell you how happy I am that I found you here,” she said. “I’ve had more fun with you in the past couple of months than in the entire time I’ve been here so far.” She leaned closer to his ear. “Of course, it helps that it’s the only sex I’ve had in the entire time I’ve been here.”

“Hold it! You told me it was the best sex you’ve had here.”

“Well, I didn’t lie. It is the best. It’s also the only. But I know it’s pretty damn good.” Barbara discreetly tickled Will’s crotch.

“Yeah? How good?”

“Good enough that I can’t stop thinking about it?“

“I have an idea.“

“What’s that?”

“You ever try getting it on in a Russian jet?”

Barbara nuzzled close to Will. “You can’t be serious,“ she said. “Can you? If they catch us they’ll probably throw us out the hatch.“

“Well, we’ll just have to make sure they don’t catch us. I’ll go first. I’ll go to the bathroom in the front, on our side of the plane. Give me a few minutes and then follow me. Just give the door a light knock and I’ll let you in. Nobody will have any idea. What do you say?”

“Mmmmm — I don’t know. Somebody could see us — or they’ll see us come out. Don’t you think this could be dangerous?”

“Dangerous? Not a chance. Embarrassing, at worst. C’mon. Just follow me in a few minutes. OK?“

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but all right.”

Will pushed himself out of his seat and headed toward the front of the plane, which looked to him pretty much like most passenger jets in the West — one long tube with three seats on each side of a narrow aisle. Although, thanks to communism’s ideals of equality for all, there certainly was no first-class section. Will was walking toward the bathroom that, in the U.S., would likely be reserved for first class passengers.

The Russian in the window seat pointed toward the front of the plane and started explaining something to Barbara. She tried to pick up the web of Russian syntax and words, sort them out, figure out what he was saying. Something about a Communist Party member.

“Nomenklatura?” she asked.

“Da. Da.” He kept talking. She caught on. A candidate for the Soviet Politburo was on the flight, and he was sitting in the front seats. That’s where they’d often sit so security agents could easily seal off that section to protect their man. Will would probably get turned back before he got anywhere near the bathroom.

The Russian’s voice dropped a notch as he leaned toward Barbara. He explained that the candidate they’re riding with is a reformer, someone who wants the U.S.S.R. to be better friends with the Americans. The candidate, he said, has many enemies.

Barbara and the man heard a commotion in front, but they couldn’t see past a divider a few seats up. Then Will came bounding back toward them.

“Holy shit! Some clown up there nearly knocked me down.”

“You OK? “

“Yeah. He jumped up and gave me a hard shove and started babbling something in Russian. I gave him a shove back and I thought I was going to get killed. About five other Russian guys jumped up and came toward me. I don’t know what the hell is going on.”

Barbara giggled. “You sure know how to show a girl a good time,” she said. “Our friend here was just telling me that there’s some party bigwig up there. A Politburo candidate or something. Sorry about that.”

Will looked at the Russian, who just shrugged and took another gulp from his Pepsi bottle.

“Well, no sense in letting the Communist Party get in the way of some good old American fun, right?”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s not a good idea now. What do you say we wait?”

Will leaned down and whispered, “That would take all the adventure out of it. Same plan. Back bathroom. Bye.”

He took off down the aisle. Barbara stayed in her seat, feeling nervous. She shared a smile with the Russian. She looked around to see if anyone was watching — if anyone could tell what they planned. No one seemed to be paying attention. She glanced at her watch. It was 9 p.m. Dark outside. They were just about in the middle of the route from Moscow to Kiev, over some wasteland that was once peasant farms. Barbara took a long breath. She started sliding out of her seat. She said in English, “I think I have to go, too.” The Russian just nodded and smiled.

Both bathrooms were occupied. Now which one did he say? The one on the right or the one on the left? She knocked on one. Will called out in a sing-song voice, “Who is it?”

“Someone who’s going to kill you in about two seconds.”

The door opened a crack. “In that case, we don’t want any,” Will said.

“C’mon! I don’t want to fool around.”

Will flung open the door, grabbed Barbara’s arm and pulled her inside. “I thought that was exactly what you came back here for.“

“You are a complete nut case. I should’ve left you sitting there by yourself in the National hotel dining room, trying to figure out whether you really wanted to eat that gray piece of fish on your plate.”

“I know. And I probably would have had to spend the rest of my time in Russia living on borscht and ruining all my business...