Wrath of Blonde (eBook)

(The Making of Star Trek II, and Other Wild Hollywood Adventures as an Amazon in Outerspace.

Laura Banks (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2023 | 1. Auflage
186 Seiten
Bookbaby (Verlag)
979-8-3509-0604-2 (ISBN)

The Wrath of Blonde hysterically chronicles the life of Laura Banks and her time at Paramount Pictures navigating the USS Reliant with Ricardo Montalban as Khan in Star Trek II, the Wrath of Khan, her friendship with William Shatner and collisions with other celebrities in Hollywood. First, she had to escape Kansas and move to California where she met Whoopi Goldberg and performed in an improv comedy troupe, Spontaneous Combustion. It's a memoir about surviving then thriving, first as an actress in action pictures, and finally as an author and comic. All the time Laura is looking for love in many of the wrong places, but coming out on top.

Laura Banks is a triple threat to herself and others as a comedy writer, stand-up and four-time author, with her USA Today Bestseller, "e;Breaking the Rules"e; selling a quarter of a million copies. Laura got her first acting break in "e;Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan"e;. TV appearances as an author/personality include ABC World News, SyFy, Prime, Netflix, Comedy Central, USA Network, Fox News, MSNBC, Gooday LA, Gooday New York, TYRA, VH-1, and the Rosie O'Donnell Show. Laura started out as an improv player in Spontaneous Combustion comedy troupe with Whoopi Goldberg at the Comedy Stores in LA and San Diego. She then got her first break in Star Trek II, The Wrath of Khan (Paramount) and was then discovered by world-famous indie producer Roger Corman, to star in a series of B-films. Then back to the stage as a standup at The Original Improvisation (NYC) for three years, and then host of Inside Space (SYFY Channel) with lots more TV appearances with two books with Janette Barber on ABC World News, MSNBC and Fox News. Laura also hosted the podcast Love Online (Toginet) with Susan Winter from the Huffington Post and Star Gal Radio on traditional radio (CRN Digital Talk). For a decade she produced and voiced comedy segments with Dick Clark's United Stations Radio Networks and was the voice of the NBA. Book Review: "e;Laura Banks delightful and cheeky new memoir, "e;The Wrath of Blonde"e;, is a humorous, self-deprecating and emotionally honest story of her brush with fame while piloting the Reliant in "e;Star Trek II, the Wrath of Khan"e;, almost getting blown up in the jungles of the Philippines for Roger Corman, striking out with Warren Beatty and failing to fall under the hypnotic, Svengali-like spell of Jack Nicholson among others, including a short-lived, but torrid romance with the Enterprise's charismatic skipper himself. Banks's Hollywood story as she navigates the pinnacles and pitfalls of showbiz regales her readers in this fun, breezy read. - Mark A. Altman (writer/producer, Free Enterprise; showrunner, Pandora; host, Inglorious Treksperts) Her latest memoir The Wrath of Blonde chronicles surviving a dysfunctional childhood and suicidal death of her brother to moving on to star in films for Roger Corman which she shot in southeast Asia and almost died in the process. She then died repeatedly as a stand-up comic before becoming a regular at the biggest clubs in the U.S., including The Improvisation and Comedy Cellar in New York City, and now she brings her humor to her wild experiences in Hollywood, all the while navigating a way back to self-love, beyond her own demons, depression, and desperation. She helps others embrace their addictions and still shoot for the moon with her astrological system using the actual heavenly planets in the universe!

INTRODUCTION

There are billions of stars in the universe and about forty million Star Trek fans1(Trekkers) in the world. You are good people. I have signed autographs for many of you at the conventions.

This book is for you, the fans, and to ALL who inspire to blondly go, living a life full of passion way outside any comfort zone. This year marks the 40th Anniversary of the making of Star Trek II, the Wrath of Khan, which inspired me to share way too much on these pages. It does seem fitting to finally write this on the anniversary of the film that changed my life forever.

Looking back at my life has felt like diving into a vat of chocolate pudding. It’s sweet and mushy. I see my mistakes, my wins and often my poor choice in boyfriends. My early years in Kansas and subsequent life in Hollywood was the initial focus, but it grew to include my more feminist ways, exploring my sexuality, shame-free. I believe sexual wellness to be at the core of a woman’s quality of life and the more open I can be about it between these pages, the better. We are all such prudes about our private lives and parts, especially women who are afraid to ask for what they want. It’s not dirty. It’s fun and funny, away from traumas and body shame. Thank you for your permission in advance to have a laugh about such prurient activities – maybe it will open up more women to talk about their needs in the bedroom, than everyone might be a little bit happier. Gwyneth Paltrow agrees with her series streaming on sex now – that is what she is into, and I applaud her. Boldly go, dahling, where many men have gone for years! Live on the edge and go for what you want.

Penning a memoir also feels like hugging a cactus; prickly and ugly. It has shed light on how very displeased I am with so many of my life choices. That turns into self-hatred. It is in these quiet moments of self-refection that I must talk to the little girl in me and tell her she is safe and loved now, in spite of how many times I have abandoned her to please others. Damn, at times I’ve taken better care of my plants and pet Chihuahua than I have myself. But now I have survival skills; compassion, strength, and the ability to style the back of my hair with a curling iron and accessorize. (Mom always said to never wear more than three pieces of jewelry at once. I love that.) It’s me stepping up and declaring that I have also made many of the right life choices, like finishing college and pursuing my vocational dreams. Somedays I am functional and happy, others are mental health days where I relax and eat bon bons. This is tricky stuff. I should have a twitch or something by now. I do walk with a bit of a limp.

Regardless, this review has softened me and reminiscing about the eighties has warmed my cockles. Ah, such a simpler time. You are about to get beamed back, Scotty, or Janet or whomever you are. Remember the eighties? They were good to me. That’s when Star Trek II (STII) was released. Many consider STII the best movie of the entire franchise2, and I am thrilled to have been a part of it, playing Khan’s Navigator on the USS Reliant.

I intend to give an insider’s perspective on the making of this legendary film as Khan’s Pet. (Do you believe that? I am often referenced as a “pet”. A pet tiger, maybe. I’m the navigator, for God’s sake!) You can easily recognize me on the bridge during the fight sequence between the Reliant and the Enterprise. I started as an extra, then became a featured player because of all my close-ups on the bridge of the starship. The photo of me with Ricardo Montalban and Nancy Rogers was the first image released to the general public to announce the launch of the film in Time Magazine. It was in every newspaper, magazine, poster, and movie theater nationwide. You know, I signed up to be an actor in the film but never knew I would become more of a model in print for the franchise – and I saw no compensation for that. Geez. I mean, c’mon, they made millions of dollars globally…and I made…a nickel. That’s right. I am bitter. Wouldn’t you be? For this and many other reasons, I get cranky over little things like losing the remote control or developing a hang nail. I’m quite certain that you sense my insecurity around all of this.

This is the story of me, a bit of a nobody, pretending to be a somebody, based on the fact that I have known a bunch of somebodies. Okay, not really. My books and other films turned me into a little somebody. But primarily I see myself within these pages as a shameless namedropper. Do you want to play the Six Degrees of Separation from Kevin Bacon game with me? Kevin Bacon is a friend of mine. I win. We met in New York City when I worked at United Stations Radio Networks. He was there with his brother Michael Bacon creating music in the same studio. I also met Ben Affleck backstage at a GQ Magazine party. He totally ignored me when I said, Hi. Then Julia Roberts walked over, and she said hello to him. He totally ignored her, too! I felt better. I am not kidding you. Many envious, unkind, nice people will yell whisper behind my back that I’m just an attention seeking, name-dropping wannabe. Maybe. On certain days. On others, I’m good at emptying out the dishwasher and taking care of my long-term friends with a caring phone call or sending a Hallmark Card after the death of a pet canary. I’m not much more than that. OK, on occasion I’d like to try to start a women’s empowerment movement in the form of a book or two or three or four, but I digress.

The Wrath of Blonde is told in a humorous way because it is cruel to make a person read a memoir devoid of humor. That would be cruel. I also include an exclusive interview with William Shatner with rants about how we met and were in each other’s arms, pants, and lives for a while. And since it is my memoir (and you only get one) I feel it is critical to talk about the rest of it: suffering family madness, getting the hell out of Kansas, and my preoccupation with men.

I promise to make you angry with my outrageous opinions. I know you have your beliefs. Thank you in advance for helping me to indulge mine. I play way outside the lines. (Take my position on nudity: not the norm. But I just heard that Jennifer Lopez is totally nude in an ad for her skincare line on her 53rd birthday. You go girl!) Let’s face it. I often take a rebellious approach to today’s societal norms. I exist to be in your face and make you a little squirmy. It’s better than feeling nothing at all. Feel free to throw the book across the room if it makes you feel better.

Thank God I am self-centered and a bit of an egomaniac, because that is only way to write a truly memorable, irritating, and self-indulgent book. Some may write me off as a kiss-and-tell author out to make a buck. Maybe I am exploiting the fact that I was exploited in Hollywood. Maybe it is my turn and maybe that’s redundant.

I hope to evoke a visceral reaction - my mad libs about life as a struggling actor in Hollywood with no connections, no money, and no clue about who to sleep with for a part. That was always my joke—how do you sleep your way to the top if you don’t know who to sleep with? Even if I had known who to bed, I still wouldn’t have done it. I’m from Kansas, remember? I didn’t always choose the right lover or partner, but it was never sought after as a business move or for bitcoin.

I venture out into the world with my words. My other three books barked the same message of self-acceptance and outrageous choices: Breaking the Rules, Last Ditch Tactics for Landing the Man of Your Dreams, which sold a quarter of a million copies, and Embracing Your Big Fat Ass, an Owner’s Manual (Simon and Schuster). My first book, Love Online was way ahead of its time about online dating, teaching women how to do it safely, in a time where many women were being told that they would get duct-taped to a chair and tortured if they met at Love@AOL, where I worked as a love advisor. Breaking the Rules was a chance for women to laugh about all the asses they must go out with before they kiss the right frog, and Embracing Your Big Fat Ass was designed to help women love their…big fat asses.

This book is the next dare, to show you that you, too, can make bad choices with a blinded instrument (your brain), to fail now and then with stupid career choices and love affairs and still love yourself. Often, I forget to love myself and I am embarrassed and disturbed by who I was, who I am, and who I never became. The self-reflection it took to write this book is part of the healing. FOOTNOTE: Journal daily for true healing.

I have attempted to assemble and understand the many relationships that have shaped me as a person written by someone who fell through the cracks in Hollywood but came out alive. I started out as a background player and finished with a voice as a published author. Maybe being used as mere embellishment in a film is what, in fact, propelled me to find my voice. But it takes balls to write a book from an extra’s perspective, don’t you think - that’s the blatant humor of it, like Ricky Gervais’s hit series, Extras.

I took my dreams of being an actor as far as I could. It’s a classic Hollywood wannabe story: girl moves from Kansas to California, gets discovered but doesn’t make it. Oh,...

Erscheint lt. Verlag	18.5.2023
Sprache	englisch
Themenwelt	Literatur ► Biografien / Erfahrungsberichte
ISBN-13	979-8-3509-0604-2 / 9798350906042

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