XII. Beyond sadness

marok's swoon slowly dissipated and his thoughts gradually became clearer.

"Amarok, are you awake?" a voice asked.

The wolf blinked slowly and bright light blinded him. He cautiously opened his eyes and stared for a moment at a snow-white ceiling. "Where ... where am I?" he asked.

"You fell. Your friend found you in your bathroom."

Confused, the Samoyedan sat up when he saw a vixen standing next to his bed, caringly stroking the back of his bandaged head and smiling.

"What happened?" he murmured, squinting his eyes because his head was pounding terribly. Everything was blurry and unreal. Was he dreaming, was he hallucinating?

"You had a gastric rupture," the fawn explained, "and then you got a nasty concussion on top of that. We didn't think you were going to make it. That was a last-minute rescue."

"Who are you?" the male wanted to know, looking at her seriously.

"I am Jeremia," the vixen replied calmly, bowing. "I was with Joliyad before you, for a few days at least," she went on to explain, causing Amarok to look stunned.

"Oh, he told me about you guys. But that was a long time ago. How is it that you and I, of all people, should run into each other?"

Jeremia sat down on a chair that was next to the hospital bed. "Well," she began, "I wanted to be an aerospace engineer. I changed my mind, though. Broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago and became a healer. It's a job that's more needed here now. When emigration to Samojadja was allowed for some professionals a few years ago, I moved to this hospital."

Jeremia held out a picture of their former friend Joliyad to the impressed wolf, with only him smiling.

"I don't know this picture at all," said the male wolf softly and took it. He looked at it, crying silently. "He was so cute," he said bitterly, and Jeremia just nodded, because she understood very well the pain he was feeling now.

"What have I done?" continued Amarok, crying.

"Amarok," the vixen interrupted him, "read what's written on the back."

The male dog turned the picture over and could not believe what he was reading: "For my Amarok! Whenever you are lonely, my darling, I am with you!" Below it was drawn a kiss smiley and finished the dedication with "Your vixen Joliyad" and a self-painted heart.

When he read this, Amarok became even sadder and sobbed with narrowed eyes. He kept hitting himself on his thighs with his fists, whereupon Jeremia calmed him down.

"Amarok, calm down! Don't do that! Listen to what I have to tell you," she begged.

The wolf stopped hitting, turned his head to his visitor and looked at her in despair.

"You had this photo in your apartment, Amarok," she said, wide-eyed.

"What?" he asked incredulously. "That's bullshit! I've never seen it before!"

"Yes, it’s true, I'm not lying to you. It was hanging in your bathroom by the mirror. Your buddy brought it here with you. Where else would I have gotten it?" she replied.

The stricken man pondered: So was this supposed to mean that he had always possessed this photo, but had forgotten about it? How could that be? This could not happen to him! One did not simply forget something so beautiful. Besides, it was the last thing left of his friend. "This can't be true! I'm such a complete idiot!" he berated himself.

"Well, if you had cleaned your mirror more often..." the vixen admonished sternly.

"I had a gastric rupture, you say? How did it happen?" he now wanted to know.

"You've obviously been drinking a lot for a long time."

"That's true," the wolf was ashamed and lowered his head in embarrassment.

"It has healed, thanks to state-of-the-art technology, but the next binge could be your last. I just want you to know that, Amarok."

"I see."

"No, you don't understand!" grumbled Jeremia angrily at him. "You're sinking into self-pity and depression because you miss Joliyad. And this is how you want to pay tribute to him? By drinking yourself to death? If he could see you like this ..."

"What then?" the male called back, showing his fangs to the female.

However, she remained sitting unmoved and spoke calmly: "So it is true after all: hit dogs bark, they say in our country. After all, your friend warned me that you would certainly be aggressive."

"What friend are you talking about all this time? I don't have any friends," Amarok grumbled.

"Well, that weird Alsatian who comes across as strangely quiet."

Now that the Alsatians had been in Arameria for a while, Jeremia could have meant anyone, and Amarok had seen some of them, in Samojadja anyway, because after all Alsatiania was the neighboring country to the south.

"Did he tell you his name?" the male wanted to know, to which Jeremia just shook her head.

"Why, who is he?" she asked, gingerly removing the male's head bandage.

"Oh, it's all right. Is he still here?" the wolf asked frantically, and the vixen could tell that there must be something significant about this mysterious stranger. Amarok held her arm convulsively and had his eyes wide open, so curious and expectant was he. He seemed to be begging to know everything about the sheepdog.

"No, he was going to your house to ... well, clean up," Jeremia explained. "He said he was already coming to the house and that you didn't need to worry."

The Samoyedan could not believe it: Chenerah was here - here near him, after all this time! This was unbelievable, especially in regard of his departure at that time:

From his living room on the first floor, the wolf could hear voices. Surely he had only not turned off the radio transmitter (a kind of radio) and tried to remember all that had happened the night before.

"Oh man, I feel sick ..." he murmured and went into the bathroom. He poured water into the tub and sat down in it to relax a bit, which is why he also closed his eyes and sighed loudly.

Suddenly he heard a voice saying, “Good morning, Amarok! Well, slept well?”

Immediately startled, he winced and splashed wildly in the bathwater. “What is ... Oh, Chenerah, it's you. Don't you ever scare me like that again, you understand?" he muffled, to which the sheepdog smilingly promised that it wouldn't happen again.

He handed him the leaf of a yellow flower and told the wolf to eat it to get rid of the headache.

"What are you still doing here anyway? Didn't you leave last night? Did I miss something?" he wondered.

"Well," Chenerah explained, "we did drink together yesterday after all."

"Yeah, so?"

"Quite a bit, if you know what I mean."

"All I remember is that you kind of carried me up the stairs. After that, everything is black," explained the young male and laughed mischievously.

"You really don't remember anything?" echoed Gajaze, looking incredulous.

The bather just repeated, "No, really. I just hope I behaved myself."

This made the dog think: he didn't know whether he should be happy that he had thus escaped serious problems, or whether he should be sad, since the last night would probably remain the only one of its kind between him and the wolf. If only he had gone, as planned. Actually, he should have known: Amarok had forgotten everything and would soon want to know nothing more about him. It was all a big mistake and the Alsatian had the feeling that he had only taken advantage of the grief and the alcohol. So it seemed only right that he received such a rebuff.

"But now go to the living room. I have to get dressed. I'm sure you don't want to see what I have down there," Amarok ordered, making a waving hand gesture.

"Why so shy?" his viewer asked, adding, "If you knew ..."

He grinned, but the wolf opened his eyes and muzzle. "You don't mean to say that you slept with me secretly and saw me undressed?" he asked.

The dog still smiled wordlessly and looked smugly at Amarok. That should probably jog his memory.

"Oh no!" he shouted suddenly shocked, "Now I know ... This can't be true! Did we have ..."

"Yes, we had."

Overwhelmed, the male wolf lowered his head and seemed embarrassed. He wept softly and slurred words could be heard.

"Amarok," Gajaze interrupted him, "we were both drunk. There's nothing wrong with what happened."

The wolf raised his head and looked into the dog's eyes for a long time. When he saw those ambers, he remembered again everything they had done - and also who had done what with whom. "We were making love even though my boyfriend just died yesterday? Oh, what a pig I am!" he reproached himself.

Chenerah walked up to him and squatted down next to the bathtub. He sighed softly while Amarok still looked uncomprehendingly into his eyes. "Please don't worry," the Alsatian tried to reassure his friend.

"Oh, who talked who into this yesterday?" the latter asked angrily. "It couldn't have been me, could it?"

Briefly Chenerah thought and decided to tell him the truth: "You accused me of making up your and Joliyad's story just to have a threesome with you. Then you kissed me wildly. Well, that's how I started to return your affection. I was also quite drunk and eventually got carried away. I'm just a male dog, you know."

"Oh, okay. I see. Yeah, it lights up for me now. Oh man, I never in a million years thought that would culminate into this."

"What is our relationship now?" the shepherd wanted to know and stood up again.

Tensely he looked at the young male, who now,...