What makes cross-cultural relationships work? We don't know. But we do know what makes ours work and what keeps it attractive, fun, caring and meaningful.We know because we've both been in relationships that didn't work, and - not wanting to repeat past mistakes - we both decided to figure out how to keep this particular cross-cultural relationship healthy, happy and vivacious for the next few decades.We - Yoko from Tottori and Ben from Berlin - love language and literature, so it came naturally that we started summing up some of the maxims of our relationship in the form of haiku, highly condensed Japanese poems in three short lines. It's perfect for encoding complex meaning into brief metaphors. Once created, we'd quote these new haiku to each other in appropriate moments, sharing whole worlds of meaning with just a few words. It turned out it was kind of a secret code, because, as anyone who knows haiku will tell you, the deeper meanings are hidden, subtle, and not self-apparent.That's why, in most haiku-books, each poem is accompanied by a little text to help you make sense of the poem, but which still leaves you some room for your own interpretations, thoughts and feelings. Haiku get you thinking, and talking. At least that's what they do for us. And sometimes, what with all the thin-king and talking, we come up with a new haiku. For this book, we picked our favorite 12 homemade haiku, along with little texts to give you an idea of the situations they were written in and of some - but not all - of the hidden meanings they hold for us.If these haiku get you and your partner talking about the special joys and challenges of cross-cultural relationships - and more importantly: about your special joys and challenges in your relationship -, then this book has achieved its purpose. We wish you all the best for the handful of decades you'll share; may they be precious.
Yoko is a linguist, trade expert and intercultural coach. She grew up in Japan, has lived in Canada and Russia, and spent the last 10 years in Berlin, Germany - experiences which have made her the natural go-to for questions about living abroad.
She supports Japanese women in cross-cultural relationships. Most of her clients live outside of Japan, giving rise to a Japanese women's online community spanning many time zones.
Ben is a communication expert who trains a wide range of professionals - CEOs, teachers, cops - in leadership, conflict resolution and negotiation skills. His book How We Connect: the neuroscience of our conversations is coming out in 2022. (The German version, Gespräche führen mit Hirn und Herz, was published in August 2021)
