Angel Of Hope I (eBook)

Chapter I

The Mysterious Woman

I provoke you, and make you keep on going,

Tie me with your rope, make me your brown horse,

I am a wild beast, so ride me without a seat,

You will feel it real deep when I move it with my thing,

Watch out so you don’t fall, ride me on the floor,

Hit me with your hair if I misbehave,

I will move it fast, jumping you will land,

I’ll promise you’ll be saved if you hold on to my neck,

Splashing all your sweat, dripping on my chest,

Licking all your flesh, having just a taste,

Coming just to play, hidden every day,

Getting in the woods, lost under the moon,

Ride me until we arise, lost into my eyes,

Ride me until we come, ride me, I’m your horse.

Perhaps you think I haven’t changed. That I’m nothing more than a playboy, spinning a bed of fantasies for dreamy, vulnerable women to fall into. Sneaking out of their bedroom in the middle of the night. Perhaps you see her gorgeous face and her beautiful hair, but look closer at her body. Not the smooth, round curve of her hips and her small waist, not down to her thighs. Do not look at her wedding ring, and panic that her husband can come in any second, but rather look at her upper arms. Do you see it? Yes, pay attention to the bruises around her arms, the purple marks from a brutish grip on her delicate skin. Can the pillow allow you to see from your angle, her nose job, which is a result of a broken bone?

Perhaps she likes it rough and to talk dirty, too.

If you were my bitch, I’ll be your tick,

I’ll attach to your skin, drink when you bleed,

I’ll be close to your heart, and your love will end my thirst,

I’ll taste from the source, drinking until I explode,

I’ll suck and make you tickle, stop or I will tinkle,

I’ll feel your paw on me, I love your touch; so sweet,

You’ll carry me so deeply, and care enough to feed me,

A cruel and secret love, no one will need to know.

I know there are no excuses for my actions or hers. But believe it or not, I am just trying to do my job and protect her. Protecting her by seducing her to win her trust. So one day, she’ll be free of that animal that treats her like nothing more than an expensive, annoying object. Helping her by putting her at risk, you may think—but I am a ghost and he will never see me until I collect enough evidence and catch him in the act.

If only he could see your face when you see me,

See all the joy pouring out of your smile,

That looks so full of life, it emphasizes the brightness in your eyes,

If he could only see your cheeks turning pink,

And the grace and excitement of your hands,

If he could just for a moment open his eyes to see your hair,

He would probably understand the beauty he is losing,

Maybe a moment will be enough for him to go back,

To remember how it was ten years ago,

Maybe that would be enough to revive that passion he lost,

There is no getting tired of a sunset, but there is being too busy to look at it,

The incredible beauty remains,

It only needs a second of attention for you to notice it,

How hard it is to pay attention?

You spend more time depriving her of her freedom,

I know you understand her beauty and want her just for yourself,

Then why it is so difficult to admire and appreciate her,

Abusing her won’t make you stronger, but loving her will give you strength,

Winning her love back would be the drive that makes you unstoppable,

It is that drive that would make you come back to her when you are away,

And make you go weeks without eating to survive and see her again,

Jealousy will make you starve in just one day,

Will spin your head around and make you weak,

It will make you the monster you are supposed to protect her from.

If he could only see your face when you are with me,

He would probably feel again the fire that makes people climb a mountain,

Gain the extra speed that makes an athlete win the race,

He’ll never feel tired and the pain will be ignored when you are next to him,

If he could only feel again that strength that your love gives,

Not the effect of his money or power over you,

He would probably understand how weak he is without you.

But to understand better what I do, you have to go back to where everything started. To where I lost my soul, but not my hope to one day find her; the only woman I truly love—though everything about her was erased and her location remains a mystery.

What does the face of my sweetest secret look like?

I can’t distinguish her hair hidden in the shadow,

No one knows, but she is there in the back burner of my heart,

Where no one knows she exists,

Where no one knows what she means to me,

By what name should I call her to keep her as a mystery,

Under what circumstances would I be able to be with her?

It’s only right for my heart to reply with her name to every heartbeat, since for my lips it’s prohibited saying it,

The sun is out and shining but it’s raining outside,

Everything is not what it seems without her,

Silences come to be so loud and my secret love shines so much in the darkest place I call my life,

Wonders turn into confusion when I only dream of seeing her,

Wonders keep my reality a blur when I only think of kissing her,

A magical love that spectacularly disappears to eventually reappear in the final act,

The perfect prestige for my soul that tries to hold on to what it feels like to be with her again,

Now that time is fading her away from me,

Our lovely memories are the only thing that contradict our distances,

For all the right feelings to be together,

For all the wrong reasons not to be,

My hidden treasure that I’m not able to spend,

No rubies, gold or diamonds,

But a fortune’s worth of pieces of my lonely broken heart,

Full of her sweet memories,

Broken for never being able to confess the one I love.

But why would you want to know her anyway if she is just a stranger? Why would it be important to you? And what is her connection to you? Perhaps she is you, and you just don’t know it yet? Or maybe she is your wife, sister, mother, friend or someone you know but with a different name now? Maybe you are the one who can help me find my only love? Maybe you can spread the message that I never stopped looking for My Angel of Hope?

I am Juan Del Valle from the Dominican Republic. I came to New York when I was just a child....