Dog! (eBook)
You'll Never Look At Your Dog the Same Way Again.
eBook Download:
EPUB
2015
|
1. Auflage
130 Seiten
Third Rail (Verlag)
978-0-9914374-9-8 (ISBN)
130 Seiten
Third Rail (Verlag)
978-0-9914374-9-8 (ISBN)
Bazza is an easy-going middle-aged college lecturer with a taste for weed, porn, beer and redheads. When he adopts a rescue dog, he sees nothing odd about the animal. Then a Himalayan monk comes to visit, and senses something strange.
The clock struck eleven.
“Have another,” said the dog’s man.
“I think I shall,” said his guest, who was Richard from two doors down.
The dog lay where he had for most of the evening, outside the circle of sofa and armchairs, in the space between them and the hall door, below the bookshelf with its whiff of old paper. He lay on his belly and his muzzle rested on his crossed paws. Sometimes his eyes opened briefly and he looked at his master and the guest, blinked, raised his muzzle and yawned, then lowered his head. I do wish the old sod would get rid of him, then I could go into the garden and take a shit, goodness me I need a shit, and then sleep. Maybe I should scratch at the door.
“He looks all right, Bazza,” said Richard.
“I think he is,” said Bazza. He was tall and a little bulky, a powerful build going a bit to seed. His silver hair, a little thin on top, was tied back in a ponytail and he wore a jacket of faded blue denim.
He flipped the top off a bottle of Bombardier and set it on the occasional table next to Richard, a smaller man in his thirties whose jeans and tee-shirt clashed with his steepled fingers and neatly crossed legs.
“I think he is,” repeated Bazza. “He’s been with me some weeks now and he seems OK. He’s clearly been housetrained.”
“Did the sanctuary know much about him?
“Really not much. They’d had him for a couple of months. There’s not much demand for these older dogs, you know.”
“Good of you to take him in then,” said Richard.
Oh, don’t feed my man’s bloody ego, for Heaven’s sake, he’s already bad enough, especially since he’s been shagging that red-haired postgrad with the tattoo, he thinks he’s about 30 again like she is.
“Did they know why he was in the sanctuary?”
“He’d had at least two previous owners,” said Bazza. “Doesn’t get on with children, apparently.”
Oh, well, you wouldn’t have liked these kids either, let me tell you. Little shits. One of them used to pull my tail and the other used to offer me biscuits and then snatch them away at the last minute. Not when their parents were around, of course. Anyway, I just gave one of the little sods a good nip on the arse, that’s all. He was screaming because he didn’t want to eat his greens so I snuck up and bit his arse through the gap in the wheelback chair and all hell was let loose, it was like a bomb in the street, well not quite like that, not funny that, no bombs ain’t funny. Bombs. No.
The dog gave a little yelp.
“Bad dream probably,” said Bazza. “They have ’em, apparently, just like us.”
The dog looked up at him and licked his snout, then rested his muzzle back on his paws.
“What breed, d’ya reckon?” asked Richard.
“Dunno. Some sort of rough collie I think. You still got teaching next week? We’re nearly done in Philosophy.”
“One more week in our School. I’m teaching the Introduction to Politics module for year 1.”
“Good lot this year?”
“Not really. Don’t seem to understand the inevitability of Marxian analysis. I’m trying to demonstrate that there’s no other tool.”
The dog grunted.
“I expect he wants to go out,” said Bazza.
“He should be lying in front of the fire really,” said Richard. “That’s what old dogs do as a rule.”
“I haven’t got a fire,” said Bazza. “He could curl up in front of the fireplace though. It’s Edwardian I think. Found it in a builder’s yard.”
“Yes, it looks quite authentic,” said Richard. “Probably matches the age of the house.”
Dad had a hearth, and I suppose I would have curled up in front of it just like Prince did. Can’t blame him really, Dad never did dry him off after they’d been in the rain, no wonder his joints went and he was in pain, yes he really was in pain, and Sis and I were really sad but it’s got to be done he said and he borrowed Mr Cooper’s shotgun, the one he used to borrow in the winter for shooting crows, and he took him round the back to the vegetable garden and we heard a big crack and a yelp and then he let him have the other barrel just to make sure and Sis cried and cried, though she couldn’t hear the shots of course, but I wouldn’t cry because boys don’t so Sis got some lemon curd and I didn’t, and he wouldn’t say where he’d buried him, said it was somewhere nice and peaceful and you got to get used to death ’cos it’s part of life and then he said, I fancy there’ll be plenty of it about inside a year or two, if last time’s anything to go by. Funny, I hadn’t thought on that for a while, yes there was a hearth and sometimes Dad got wood he pinched from the fox covert above Ten-Acre but Mr Cooper didn’t like that, and one day Ma’s brother stops by with the lorry and says, old Mrs Berry passed on and youse might as well have her weekly sack till someone comes by the yard and stops her order. So we had coal after that and Ma would get up now and then in the evening and move the glowing coals with the poker, and Sis and I got to use the toasting-fork.
“How about you?” asked Richard.
“Finished for the semester,” said Bazza.
And what is a semester? Term-time was good enough for us.
“Got that monk coming though, haven’t you,” said Richard. “What the hell are you going to do with a monk in the house? Get up early and say Matins with him?”
“Good Lord, no,” said Bazza. “He isn’t that sort of monk. His name’s Tshering and he lives in a monastery somewhere in the Garwhal Himalaya. He’s coming over to run summer schools on the campus.”
“What on?” asked Richard. “How to make yak-butter tea?”
“No, no,” said Bazza. “Well, I don’t think so. I think they’re doing courses on Mindfulness.”
“Splendid,” said Richard. “It’s so nice that we’ve moved on, so many of us, and learned to open ourselves up.”
“I know,” said Bazza. “I’m very proud to be a part of it all.”
You pretentious nitwits. I hope this Tshering turns out to be an alcoholic with a thing for redheads. Maybe he’ll enlighten her.
“So nice to be part of moving on,” said Richard, “and getting rid of this stupid buttoned-up Englishness of when we were young.”
You patronising little man. How the hell do you know who we were or how we thought or felt.
“The dog is looking at you,” said Bazza.
“Why, so he is,” said Richard. He leaned towards the dog and started clicking his tongue in encouragement. “Do you know, sometimes I think they understand everything we say?”
Bazza chuckled.
“Maybe he’s an Ancient Soul,” he said. “After all, we don’t know who dogs really are, do we? Perhaps they’re beings on the way to enlightenment.”
“Ha! Maybe he is, at that.”
Actually I really, really want that shit in the garden. I should just scratch at the door and whine but that’s just so servile. I know what I’ll do, this never fails.
The dog stretched, yawned, and strolled over to the empty polished Edwardian grate. He lay down on his side, then curled his head around and started to lick his balls.
“I say,” said Richard.
Oh, that feels good. Better wait till I go to bed to do it properly though. You don’t want to waste it, like that stupid Jack Russellthat Professor Courtney’s wife walks by the lake. Don’t know how he can possibly enjoy it. Or what he’s fantasizing about. Well really, what sort of sexual fantasy do you have if you’re a Jack Russell, I mean you can’t exactly go round mounting Irish wolfhounds, can you. Mind you, Jack Russells, no class really.
“Are you sure he’s an ancient soul?” asked Richard, a little nervously.
“No,” said Bazza. Then: “Damned dog.”
Bit closer to the mark there, Bazza.
“I think I’d better get my head down,...
| Erscheint lt. Verlag | 28.9.2015 |
|---|---|
| Sprache | englisch |
| Themenwelt | Literatur ► Fantasy / Science Fiction ► Fantasy |
| Literatur ► Fantasy / Science Fiction ► Science Fiction | |
| ISBN-10 | 0-9914374-9-7 / 0991437497 |
| ISBN-13 | 978-0-9914374-9-8 / 9780991437498 |
| Haben Sie eine Frage zum Produkt? |
EPUB (Ohne DRM)Größe: 165 KB
Digital Rights Management: ohne DRM
Dieses eBook enthält kein DRM oder Kopierschutz. Eine Weitergabe an Dritte ist jedoch rechtlich nicht zulässig, weil Sie beim Kauf nur die Rechte an der persönlichen Nutzung erwerben.
Dateiformat: EPUB (Electronic Publication)
EPUB ist ein offener Standard für eBooks und eignet sich besonders zur Darstellung von Belletristik und Sachbüchern. Der Fließtext wird dynamisch an die Display- und Schriftgröße angepasst. Auch für mobile Lesegeräte ist EPUB daher gut geeignet.
Systemvoraussetzungen:
PC/Mac: Mit einem PC oder Mac können Sie dieses eBook lesen. Sie benötigen dafür die kostenlose Software Adobe Digital Editions.
eReader: Dieses eBook kann mit (fast) allen eBook-Readern gelesen werden. Mit dem amazon-Kindle ist es aber nicht kompatibel.
Smartphone/Tablet: Egal ob Apple oder Android, dieses eBook können Sie lesen. Sie benötigen dafür eine kostenlose App.
Geräteliste und zusätzliche Hinweise
Buying eBooks from abroad
For tax law reasons we can sell eBooks just within Germany and Switzerland. Regrettably we cannot fulfill eBook-orders from other countries.
Mehr entdecken
aus dem Bereich
aus dem Bereich
eBook Download (2022)
Klett-Cotta (Verlag)
24,99 €
