Yippee Ki-Yay Moviegoer

As a frequent writer for Ain't It Cool News, Vern has gained notoriety for his unorthodo reviewing style and his expertise in "the films of Badass Cinema." His review of the slasher movie CHAOS earned him a wrestling challenge from its director; his explosive essay on the PG-13 rating of LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD prompted Bruce Willis himself to walk barefoot across the broken glass of movie nerd message boards to respond.

chapter one
WARRIORS
300
THE WARRIORS
ENTER THE NINJA
GYMKATA

chapter two
THOU SHALT NOT LIE WITH CARTOONS AS WITH LIVE ACTION
ENCHANTED
THE POLAR EXPRESS 3-D IMAX SPOOKARAMA
THE BEOWULF 3-D IMAX EXPERIENCE
GARFIELD
CARS
MARY POPPINS
X-2: X-MEN UNITED

chapter three
BLOW THINGS UP REAL GOOD
ACTION JACKSON
STONE COLD
COMMANDO
PREDATOR
PREDATOR 2
THE PROTECTOR
TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A.
MAD MAX BEYOND THUNDERDOME
PAPARAZZI
MEL GIBSON'S APOCALYPTO

chapter four
PHILOSOPHY
KNIGHTRIDERS
HOLY MOUNTAIN
GROUNDHOG DAY
WAKING LIFE

chapter five
TANGENTS
FRIDAY AFTER NEXT
CRANK
WALKING TALL (2004)

chapter six
IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HAMLET
Vern vs. TRANSFORMERS
THE TERMINATOR
(THE) T(ERMINATOR) 2(: JUDGMENT DAY)
E.T.: THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL: THE SPECIAL EDITION: FOR THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY: THE MOVIE
MISSION:IMPOSSIBLE: PART 3
THE DARK KNIGHT
ALIENS

chapter seven
THE ISSUES
BLACK BOOK (ZWARTBOEK)
WHITE DOG
CRASH (2005)
Racially questionable double feature:
John Ford's PRISONER OF SHARK ISLAND
and Karl Armstrong's NINJA VENGEANCE
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
THEY LIVE

chapter eight
THE ARTS
THE DISCREET CHARM OF THE BOURGEOISIE
ACROSS THE UNIVERSE
FINDING NEVERLAND
THE ORDER: FROM CREMASTER PART 3

Chapter nine
MISCELLANEOUS
STAR WARS PART 3: REVENGE OF THE SITHS
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
DOMINO
M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN'S LADY IN THE WATER

chapter ten
FILTH AND SLEAZE
ZOO
THE ARISTOCRATS
HATED: GG ALLIN AND THE MURDER JUNKIES
THE REAL CANCUN
THE BROWN BUNNY
BAD LIEUTENANT

chapter eleven
TALES FROM VERN'S BLOODY CRYPT OF PHANTASMOGORIFYING HORRORS
PHANTASM II: LORD OF BALLS
FREDDY'S DEAD: THE FINAL NIGHTMARE
CANDYMAN
THE GINGERDEAD MAN
HIGH TENSION (aka HAUTE TENSION, aka SWITCHBLADE ROMANCE)
SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE
FUNNY GAMES
Vern on the CHAOS dvd, the age old torture porn debate, and what happens when a pro-wrestler runs loose in the L.A. County Coroner's Office
THE VIRGIN SPRING
- or Max Von Sydow's Badass Revenge

chapter twelve
THE MANY FACETS OF BADASS CINEMA
ROLLING THUNDER
SORCERER
KIKIJURO
EASTERN PROMISES
DOLEMITE
KARATE FOR LIFE
ENTER THE DRAGON
THE GLOVE
DEATH WISH II
SUDDEN IMPACT
UNFORGIVEN
YOJIMBO
and
A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS
and - why the hell not -
LAST MAN STANDING

interlude:OUTLAW MUSIC

chapter thirteen
BRUCE
NOTHING LASTS FOREVER: THE BIRTH OF DIE HARD
MCCLANE. JOHN MCCLANE. THE WORKING MAN'S JAMES BOND
BRUCE WILLIS'S DIE HARD 2
December 21st, 1999
THE LAST BOY SCOUT
THE FIFTH ELEMENT
SUDDEN DEATH
FOX - Vern has some words for you about the pansy-assing of the 4th DIE FLACCID movie

Afterword
Man Stuff