Love Beyond Loss (eBook)

Introduction

Psalm 23

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me.

Life is God’s best gift to us! Everything we see and experience around us is the miracle of the Divine that blesses us in a myriad of forms at different stages of life. However, most of us often misinterpret and confine the definition of these blessings to be related to all those things that give us positive vibes, make us happy, and leave lovely memories. Not once, but undoubtedly many times in our lifetime, we come across difficult situations when we feel helpless, numb, or simply detached from daily life. We grieve the loss of a loved one, something unique, or a problematic relationship.

Such disheartening moments shatter us from the inside and make us feel that it is the end of the world, and there will be no sunrise again after it. In reality, everything changed. Nothing will ever be the same. Undoubtedly, the experience of these weak moments and times of pain binds our capabilities and thoughts in the shackles of sorrow and hopelessness. However, these experiences are not a sign of weakness in a person. Every one of us experiences some phase of life, making us more robust and courageous in managing our ordeals.

I, Dr. Casey R. Kimbrough, affectionately called Pastor K., am a spiritual thinker with an unusual awareness and ability to bring together analytical thinking and discernment of spirit. These unique qualities have blessed me with the ability to figure out problems and find genuine solutions to them. My educational background includes engineering, theology, and spirituality as well. Further, my advanced studies opened the doors to the ethical and social dimensions of spirituality. Above all, over thirty-five years of experience in ministry have uniquely equipped me to help people with a fresh and innovative approach.

For over thirty-four years, I have served as the senior pastor (servant leader) of The Mount Carmel Baptist Church in Charlotte, North Carolina. Unfortunately, I was widowed in August 2023 when my beloved wife of thirty-seven years, Lady LeeDonna Kimbrough, passed away due to cancer.

The sun beamed brightly through the vibrant stained-glass windows of the expansive First Baptist Church in the northeast corner of the University of Pittsburgh Campus in the Oakland section of Pittsburgh. At the altar, Casey and LeeDonna stood with our hands entwined. A sea of smiling faces on the faces of the people who filled the pews confirmed the authentic joy that permeated the sanctuary.

Family, friends, colleagues, and the community gathered together, eager to witness the collective joy of the union of two young souls destined for each other from the very start. Yes, I understand that most weddings are filled with love and joy, but this wedding had a unique presence. The Spirit of God is present. Many will continue to speak about this ceremony for years to come. I realize that I am biased, of course. However, for me, this wedding was and will always remain the most beautiful wedding and bride I have ever witnessed.

The bride’s father, the Rev. James Norman Walker, stood with kind, wise eyes before us, his voice resonating through the sacred space. “Do you, Casey, take LeeDonna to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do you part”?” My response was, “I do.”

I gazed at LeeDonna’s gentle, light brown eyes, those same eyes in which I could so easily get lost, remembering the first day I knew I was in love. I remembered it as if it were yesterday. That day, we walked in the park, and she was a vision of beauty and grace. LeeDonna was a lady of extraordinary kindness, yet firm and courageous, with an otherworldly capacity to love. I knew I loved her when I learned that her love made me better. She was my sunshine. She communicated a belief in me that called me forth to be the best version of myself. With all my heart, I loved this woman. I desired that she would stay by my side, that I would hold her, and that I would never, from this day on, live a day without her. When I said, “I do, I paused my breath and never spoke any more sincere words since that day.

LeeDonna (Lady K) always saw something extraordinary in Casey that I didn’t see in myself. Her father turned to her, his smile soft and encouraging, as he said, “And do you, LeeDonna, take Casey to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do part you?”

In her eyes, I could see her mind crossing over the road we had traveled together over the last four years, even to our first date on her eighteenth birthday. We knew that we both had a special love that could withstand any distance or challenge. We attended college and graduate school in different states, but our love grew more robust. The miles between us were merely a testament to our unwavering commitment.

Whenever I heard LeeDonna call out my name, it stirred something in me and reminded me that I was in love and that we had a sweet love together. Yes, I married the girl next door who could enter a room, and I could not help myself that my eyes would follow her every movement. I am aware that love is mysterious, and I cannot fully articulate what love is, but whatever it is, LeeDonna and I had it together. We lived the promise of those vows that day, July 26, 1986. That day was the happiest day of my life. When LeeDonna, in whispers of joy with tears welling up in her eyes, said, “I do,” my soul leapt for joy. I must confess, I could not tell who loved who more—did I love her more, or did she love me more? She made me believe she loved me—our devotion so equally matched and our hearts were so deeply intertwined.

The minister continued, “You may now exchange the rings. With this ring, I thee wed, and with all my worldly goods, I thee endow.” As I placed the delicate gold band on LeeDonna’s finger, I touched her hand gently yet firmly. Our hands trembled slightly together as we shared the wedding ring. We knew this moment began a new chapter as we looked forward to years of love, patience, and faith together.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

At that moment, LeeDonna and I knew that no matter what the future holds, our love will always be our guiding light. We found our way to each other through the corridors of time and distance, and now, standing at the altar, we were ready to face the world together, hand in hand, heart to heart.

And so, in the impressive church filled with love and hope, we embarked on our journey, united by a love that was as sweet and enduring as the first day we first saw each other.

““Sir, you may kiss your bride.”

As I leaned in, the world seemed to fade away. A kiss is soft and tender, a promise to love and cherish “until death does us part.” We lived these words together. Little did I know that I would ever be in a position to be the one to share our story when death did indeed part us. I always expected that I would leave this world before LeeDonna, and not in my wildest dreams could I imagine that she would transition ahead of me.

The crowd erupted in applause, a joyous celebration of love that would never pass away, a love that would last beyond loss. . .

Unlike any other circumstance or situation in my life, the transition of my wife devastated me. The devastation became the turning point in my life. Although God and I have more details to work through, my brokenness brought me closer to the Lord than ever before. I deeply love my Lord and God’s created world. That is why I spend most of my time loving, healing, and serving God’s people as a spiritual leader, educator, and empowering author. On any given day, I receive great delight when God permits me to share God’s light in the lives of others and serve them with love and excellence. Our family, the congregation, and I grieved for the wife, mother, daughter, and Lady K, who was no longer physically here with us.

Now, I must confess that the way this heartbreaking news was revealed to me was less than desirable. My lovely wife and I went out for lunch as usual. It was our practice to share on Wednesday afternoon. This was our precious time to nurture our relationship continually after thirty-four years of marriage. Every day, we loved each other as if it were our first days of marriage. LeeDonna (Lady K) was and will always be my beautiful bride till eternity. We would often spend time together, and it was during the midday meal.

I stepped away and went to the restroom when we were having our lunch. When I returned, I found my wife in tears at the table, crying with her head down. I was shocked and worried at the same time when I saw her in tears. I asked her if something was wrong or if something terrible had happened. I wondered if she was okay. At first, she could not find words, so I sat there, inhaling as she cried in my arms. Through her tears, she said, “I just got a call, and the doctor said, “I have cancer.” Stunned! I was brought to silence, with no words to console my weeping wife or to capture the flood of emotions that I was feeling at that moment.

Both of us felt multiple emotions—unprecedented pain, anger, fear, and frustration—all at the same time. The pain was so deep that I rose to a level of disbelief. I still don’t know if...