Introduction

I started writing this book when my daughter, nicknamed Bunny, was eight years old. Throughout her life, I've read numerous “how-to” books: how to establish a sleep routine, how to do potty training, how to handle tantrums, how to teach her to read, and how to brace for the challenges of adolescence. However, along the journey of raising her, I realized there was a significant gap in both our how-to books and society. We do not have collective habits in how to prepare children to be engaged, active participants in our democracy.

Every year, I get to engage with a new set of 18- to 22-year-old students in my Introduction to U.S. Politics class. My younger students have just ventured out of their family homes and are learning to run their own schedules, take care of themselves, and navigate the world with increased independence. My older students are more focused on securing their future after college, having already become adept at managing these daily tasks. Regardless of age, up until this point, most of my students haven't had intentional discussions with any adults, including their parents, about what it means to be a citizen.

Many of our college-aged students don't know how to vote, haven't read the Constitution, aren't aware of the local political offices responsible for quality-of-life decisions, lack understanding of the division of responsibilities, have never pondered the concept of federalism, and have formed their view of the court system based on television dramas. It's not anyone's fault in particular, but collectively, we all bear some responsibility.

I don't mean to place blame on parents by pointing this out. In many ways, today's parents have been let down by school systems and social norms that didn't prioritize civic education during our own upbringing. However, parents have an essential role to play in rectifying this situation. Given the broken state of our politics, it's necessary that parents step up to the task.

It wasn't until I began to be asked by elementary schools to prepare civics lessons that I truly considered writing a book for parents. I had the inkling that something like this would be helpful after five or so years of teaching college students who do not know the difference between the House and Senate, but it was in working directly with younger kids that I knew something like this needed to be written.

The purpose of this book is to provide parents with a framework for having discussions about government and politics with their children in a way that feels fun and connective. It's also meant to encourage you to do this work.

As parents with children under 18, we are all raising citizens, but often not intentionally. Many of us belong to the Gen X, Millennial, and now Gen Z cohorts, who were discouraged from discussing politics to avoid disagreements and often lack a lot of political and government knowledge ourselves.

In a time when politics feel contentious, if not disastrous, the ability to pass on civic know-how and model how to have difficult conversations are incredibly important things to give to our kids. By being capable and willing to talk about politics and government with our children, we empower them to navigate politics successfully and in turn lead better lives.

As I often tell my students, politics is going to happen to us whether we like it or not, so we might as well understand how the system works.

Political discussions make many of us uncomfortable, and some of us were brought up believing that these topics were off-limits. This must change. While many assume schools will adequately teach students how to hold elected officials accountable through voting, or even the very basics of our system, the reality falls short. As parents, we have to step in. If you feel like you don't know enough about government yourself, get ready to put that feeling away, because none of this is that hard to understand. When you're done with this book you will be ready to talk about politics and government with your kids and hopefully be convinced that you'll be doing them an enormous favor in doing so.

Talking About Politics and Government Doesn't Have to Feel Bad

As someone who works in and studies this field professionally, I assure you that politics doesn't have to feel as dire as it sometimes does. As a mom and a professor of politics, I understand what it takes to talk to kids about politics, and in this book, I will guide you on what we, as parents, need to meet this moment. But I also know it's an uphill battle, because for many of us politics and government are things we avoid talking about.

For many of us even the mention of politics is annoying. Sure, sure, following the news is important, but understanding or caring about politics? That's pointless! Nothing ever changes! It's picking the least bad of two awful candidates! It's all rigged! They only care about themselves! It's the dirtiest industry there is! Nothing I do matters, why should I care?

These are exactly the thoughts that allow us to have the politics that we do. And many of those who are in positions of power now are just fine with that. The fewer people who know the rules, the less oversight any member of the government has. That's not good, and it's certainly not the world I want to be living in. It's not good for us parents, and it's not good for our children.

Things feel bad when we don't understand them; they feel out of control when we feel insignificant and unable to change things and things are not going “our way.” I get why politics can feel like that for many of us. There's also a winning or losing aspect of elections that can be defeating if you find yourself on the losing end.

To start, try thinking about politics as a moving pendulum rather than a set game that is won or lost. Politics is certainly a game, but not one with fixed or forever “winners” and “losers.” It's a game that we influence, and we can change. It's a pendulum in that it's forever moving, but unlike a clock that is set to tell time consistently, the forces that move the system are people who move inconsistently. There will be times that feel like wins and times that feel like losses, but knowing that the outcome is not preordained and instead up to us to shape is quite powerful to consider.

Talking politics can feel bad because we might disagree with someone, or not have a common starting point, or feel out of our depth in the discussion because it might be complicated. But here's the thing, no one ever knows everything about a political issue—or really any issue. We don't need to go into political discussions thinking we need to “win” or be right. Doing that only increases the likelihood that there are expectations and the potential for huge letdowns anyway. Instead of succumbing to feelings of despair, distrust, and outrage when you hear the word politics, try to think about a political discussion as a way to learn something new about a topic or at least the way another person views the topic.

It's truly an amazing power to be alive in a democracy today, but it's one that many of us decide to opt out of because it feels bad. But that doesn't have to be the case. If you work to reorient your perspective on politics and government, as something to learn and pass on to your kids, it can actually feel pretty great. You will be doing yourself a service, and one for your kids as well as the wider community. This book aims to guide you through the process with patience and provide you with the tools to navigate politics in a more informed and empowered way.

You might not consider yourself the epitome of an always voting, always engaged citizen, but that shouldn't discourage you from working on your parenting skills in this area. We are all living our own unique forms of citizenship and learning how to exercise our own power. By imparting these lessons to your children, you not only strengthen your own abilities but also theirs.

Partisanship and Polarization

It's hard to escape the sense of fractiousness and polarization in our politics. Most of our media exacerbates this feeling with demonizing headlines, despair, outrage, and personally insulting debates meant to show us who's “right” and “wrong.” And partisanship—the labels of Republican and Democrat—dominates national politics.

As you read this book, you'll notice it's not about raising children to align with a particular political party, but about raising engaged and informed citizens. I'm confident that parents with their own political leanings will find opportunities for discussions about partisanship. But I'll note that emerging research suggests that attempts to steer our children toward a specific political party can backfire.1

This doesn't mean that partisan divisions and polarization aren't pressing issues—they are. However, one way to address the ugliest aspects of our politics is by better understanding the underlying structures. Regardless of your political orientation, knowing how our government is structured is valuable because it allows you to better understand why things do or do not happen, and what you can do to change that. When children have a more comprehensive view of government and politics, they can develop their own political agency, and that's really what we want for our kids. Raising a...