Healing Men's Pain Curriculum, Set

Acknowledgments xxi

Conclusion xxv

1 What the Facilitator Needs to Know 1

Introduction 1

Why This Curriculum 1

Values- based Paradigm 3

A Trauma- informed Men’s Curriculum 4

Male Socialization and Trauma 10

It’s Not Trauma 11

Toxic Water and Traumatic Stigmatization 13

Healing Men’s Trauma 13

Conscious Masculinity 14

2 Facilitating the Program 15

Introduction 15

Toxic Water 15

Supporting Conscious Masculinity 17

Considerations for Facilitators 17

The Healing Journey for Facilitators 21

Surface- to- Depth Approach 22

Five Relational Postures 23

Creating and Maintaining a Safe Container 24

Facilitator Self- care 26

Supervision 26

Fidelity to the Curriculum 27

Facilitator Notes and Suggested Dialogue 28

Timing 28

Check- in 29

Breathing Exercise 29

Grounding/Resourcing Exercises 29

Lectures 30

Interactive Lectures 30

Small Group Breakouts 30

Activities 31

Debriefing 31

Check- out 31

Follow- up and Close 31

The Narrative Session Section 32

The Workbook 33

Considerations for Participants 34

Considerations for Organizations 35

Conclusion 37

References 39

Session 1: Grounding and Safety 41

Session Overview 41

Introductions 42

Read Selected Meditation 43

Session Goals 44

Orientation to the Group, Distribution of Workbooks, and Group Agreements 44

Interactive Lecture: Trauma, Wounds, and What Is Healing? 49

The Safety Dance: Triggers and Being Triggered 49

Debriefing 50

Grounding and Safety Exercises 51

Exploring Your Story Activity 54

What Do You Want to Get Out of This Group? 55

Follow- up and Close 57

Session 2: The Man Rules: Don’t Let the Rules, Rule You 59

Session Overview 59

The Check- in 61

Getting Grounded Exercise 61

Resourcing 62

The Safety Check 63

Read Selected Meditation 64

Session Goals 64

Mini Lecture: The Water 64

The Man Rules 66

What Does It Mean to Be on a Healing Journey? 70

Small Group Discussions 71

Grounding, Resourcing, and Safety Check 73

Grounding Exercise 73

The Safety Check 74

Session 3: Toxic Water 77

Session Overview 77

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 79

Getting Grounded Exercise 79

Resourcing 80

The Safety Check 81

Read Selected Meditation 81

Session Goals 81

Mini Lecture: The Toxins in The Water 82

Small Group Activity and Discussion – Walking in the Shoes of Another 87

Large Group Discussion 88

Grounding, Resourcing, and Safety Check 90

The Check- out 91

Follow- up and Close 91

For Facilitators: Prompts for Shoes of Another Exercise 92

Session 4: Creating Healthy Relationships 93

Session Overview 93

The Check- in and Exercise Review 94

Getting Grounded Exercise 95

Resourcing 95

The Safety Check 96

Read Selected Meditation 97

Session Goals 97

Interactive Lecture: The Woman Rules 98

Interactive Lecture: Healthy Relationships 99

Outside- Inside – Small Group Discussions 103

Creative Activity: Men Inside and Out 105

Sharing of Boxes 106

The Check- out 106

Follow- up and Close 107

Session 5: Trauma: Facing Our Wounds 109

Session Overview 109

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 110

Interactive Lecture: Part 1 – Overview of Trauma 113

Interactive Lecture: Part 2 – Shame, Trauma, and The Man Rules 116

Kinesthetic/Psychodrama 118

Small Group Discussion – Examining Our Experience 122

The Check- out 123

Exercise: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn 124

Definition of Trauma 125

Session 6: All in The Family 127

Session Overview 127

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 128

Interactive Mini Lecture: Defining Healthy and Unhealthy Family Systems 131

Family Systems, Trauma, and the Healing Journey 133

The Check- out 136

Follow- up Exercises 137

Session 7: Beneath the Surface 139

Session Overview 139

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 140

New Exercise – Progressive Muscle Relaxation 142

Interactive Lecture: More Than Words/More Than a Feeling 145

Creative Activity: Beneath The Surface Collage 150

Creative Activity: Beneath The Surface Collage Small Group Discussion 151

The Check- out 152

Follow- up Exercises 154

Anger Funnel Exercise 154

The Anger Funnel Diagram 155

Beneath The Surface Collage 155

Session 8: The Man Rules, Intimacy, and Attachment 157

Session Overview 157

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 158

Progressive Muscle Relaxation 159

The Safety Check with Spectrogram Activity 160

Mini Lecture: On Attachment 162

Interactive Lecture: Identifying Primary Attachment Styles 164

Kinesthetic Activity: Five Relational Positions 166

Small Group Discussion 170

The Check- out 172

Follow- up Exercise 173

Session 9: The Man Rules, Intimacy, and Safety 175

Session Overview 175

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 176

Small Group Exercise: Feelings and Triggers 179

Interactive Lecture and Role Play: The Man Rules and Relational Intimacy Dichotomy 181

Mini Lecture: More on Safety 188

The Safety Pledge 189

The Check- out 190

Session 10: The Man Rules, Intimacy, and Violence 193

Session Overview 193

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 194

Interactive Lecture: Abuse, Violence, Trauma, and Intimacy 197

Small Group Discussion 201

A Place of Peace: Relaxation and Visualization 203

Kinesthetic Activity: Movement and Music 205

The Check- out 205

Exercise 207

Responsibility Commitment 207

Stand For Peace 208

Session 11: The Man Rules, Intimacy, and Sex 209

Session Overview 209

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 210

Interactive Lecture: Sex, The Man Rules, and Violence 213

Small Group Exercise: Messages Matter 215

Kinesthetic Activity: Walk The Line 217

Healthy Sexuality 217

The Check- out 218

Grounded Exercise 218

Exercise and Close 219

Session 12: Growing Through Grief and Loss 221

Session Overview 221

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 222

Progressive Muscle Relaxation 223

Developing Awareness of Grief and Loss 225

Collage Activity 228

Large Group Discussion 229

Small Group Discussion: Grief and Loss Through Safety and Love 230

Mini Lecture and Activity: Spirituality – Relationships and Forgiveness 231

The Check- out 233

Exercise and Close 234

Session 13: Post- traumatic Growth and Resilience 235

Session Overview 235

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 236

Mini Lecture and Creative Activity: Post- traumatic Growth 239

Mini- lecture and Large Group Discussion: Resilience and Masculinity 242

Small Group Discussion: Recognizing Resilience 245

The Check- out 246

Exercise and Close 247

Session 14: Breathing Under Water 249

Session Overview 249

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 250

Interactive Large Group Discussion: Revisiting The Man You Want Be 253

Small Group Discussion – The Man You Want To Be 255

Integration Small Group Activity 256

Come Together – Processing Small Group Discussions 256

The Check- out 257

Exercise and Close 258

Narrative Prep Section 259

Session 15: Writing Our Story 261

Session Overview 261

The Check- in and Assignment Rewind 262

Writing Our Story: The Power of Narratives and Healing Men’s Pain 265

Writing Our Story: Beginning the Outline 267

Activity: Motion and Emotion 268

Small Group Discussion: Sharing Your Outline 269

Writing Our Story: Continue Drafting Outlines 270

The Check- out 270

Exercise and Close 272

Session 16: Deconstructing Our Story 273

Session Overview 273

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 274

Deconstructing Our Story: Exploring Our Narratives and Healing Men’s Pain 277

Large Group Discussion: Exploring Your Story 279

Activity: Full Body Shake Up 280

The Check- out 280

Exercise and Close 282

Session 17: Reframing the Narrative: From Boys to Men 283

Session Overview 283

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 285

The Man Rules – Revisited 288

Small Group Discussion: The Man Rules Revisited 288

Break with Activity: Music and Movement 290

Small Group Discussion: Creating A Vision – The Man You Want To Be 290

The Check- out 291

Session 18: Framing a Healing Journey 295

Session Overview 295

The Check- in and Exercise Rewind 296

Letters to The Editor – Messages of Resilience and Hope 299

Grounding: Coming Home Visualization 300

Music and Movement 301

Integrating Our Stories 301

The Man You Want to Be 302

Exercise and Close 304