Exit Wilderness (eBook)

A Road Map Out of Depression & Hopelessness

Michelle Thielen (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2021 | 1. Auflage
204 Seiten
Bookbaby (Verlag)
978-1-0983-6366-6 (ISBN)

Exit Wilderness sheds light on the challenges of depression and offersreaders a roadmap through their own wilderness. If you have ever battleddepression or feelings of hopelessness, this book will encourage you throughyour own journey into a life of freedom. These pages are filled with intimate details of how God rescued one ofHis beloved daughters from the pit of destruction and the decision to take herown life. This is a story of redemption, victory, and ultimate freedom that canbe found in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

CHAPTER ONE

HUMBLE PIE IS NASTY

IF I HANDED YOU AN actual road map to get out of the wilderness, it would be Second Chronicles 20. This often glossed over passage is hidden in the Old Testament, right between the first Chronicles and Ezra. God gave me this passage and it quite literally saved my life. It can also be your personal bulldozer and wilderness escape.

I thought I knew Jesus all my life, but I didn’t really get to know Him until the summer of 2004.

I grew up in a Christian home and invited the Lord into my heart at Bible camp at the ripe old age of five. Like some, I felt the warmth of the Holy Spirit instantly enter my whole body. I left Camp Tadmor in Lebanon, Oregon excited for my future with Jesus. I told everyone I met about this awesome God who now lived inside my heart. I did not understand it all, but I knew that He was good, and He had a great plan for my life.

In the purity and innocence of falling in love with Jesus, He showed me in the coming years that He is indeed a good, good Father. Through numerous victories and miracles, struggles and heartache, He showed me that He never wastes anything. And by anything, I mean...anything!

I was blessed to have a real-life example of God’s miracle-working power through my mother. Her love, resilience, strength, and faith in God, inspires not only me, but all those who know her. I have never seen someone with so much strength, have so much humility and grace. Her faith was my example of what a Christ follower truly is. To this day, she continues to be the pure light of Christ and inspires all who meet her.

My mom has always been my best friend. You usually tell your bestie your deepest darkest secrets, but there was a long season of my life where there were too many things I was too ashamed to tell her. They were too painful. I was guilty of many shameful things. I would be humiliated or embarrassed to share most of these things and some would simply break her heart. I could not justify doing that so I chose to tuck them under the rug, hide them in dark places and spaces that she would never discover. But, when I lost everything, it would be my best friend that would come to my rescue and breathe hope into my lungs. There was no amount of shame, humiliation or condemnation that could keep her from helping her daughter. She was the wind beneath my wings. And yes, the one who fed my dogs when I could no longer get out of bed.

I never understood depression until it found me. I heard of people not being able to function or losing their job because they simply couldn’t ‘get it together.’ I used to wonder why couldn’t they just snap out of it? Unfortunately, I was about to understand firsthand that there is no way on God’s green earth that anyone can “just snap out of” depression.

I believe God allowed me to experience depression so I could fully understand it, and so I could eventually help people find hope; if nothing else, find Him. I believed depression was what I deserved, God punishing me for my sins. I would later learn that God was not punishing me for my sins, however, there were consequences for my wrongdoing. Nonetheless, God will never waste a wilderness. He wastes nothing, no thing, nothing!

My wilderness was the cause of self-inflicted wounds. You might have gotten to the wilderness differently. It does not matter how you got there. What matters is that you locate an exit.

Growing up with God or in a Christian home, does not shield you from the arrows of the enemy. Nobody is immune to Satan’s attacks. You and I are no exception. Somewhere along the way I got lost. Much like the time my mom and I went quail hunting with her boyfriend Dale. I was about ten years old. We walked down a path away from Dale and before you knew it, we were completely surrounded by enormous trees, so many that it looked like it was the middle of the night. We could no longer see daylight. In fact, we could no longer see the path that led us there. When we realized we didn’t exactly know which direction we entered from, panic began to settle in. Eventually the sun set, and night fell. When I saw a glimpse of fear in mom’s eyes, I knew we were in trouble and that is when I really got scared. It was the first time I remember ever being utterly lost. Mom was the one who always kept me safe and knew where we were headed. When you see your parent afraid, it causes you to fear also.

In 2004 I wasn’t lost in a forest with my mom, but it was a very dark place and I had no idea how to get out. Little did I know there was someone looking for me. The rescue mission dragged on for years. My Rescuer always knew where I was - He had been chasing after me all my life. It would be years later that I would find Him too.

I AM HESTER PRYNNE

The Scarlet Letter. Did you ever have to read this book? Well, what I am about to tell you is my real-life scarlet letter. I too carried a big, fat, red letter “A” on my forehead, just like Hester Prynne. Adulterer [the crowd gasps]! Yep, that is me. I fell for the devil’s scheme, hook, line, and sinker. I lived a double life for quite some time, committed all the “big” sins and allowed the devil to talk me into wearing the bright red “A” far too long.

I got married shortly after graduating from college. I don’t care to blame being young on the collapse of any relationship, but I tend to believe that I personally married way too young. Thankfully, God wastes nothing and therefore I could never have any regrets in this life.

Like many couples who forget to tend to their spouse, a marriage can become more like a roommate situation. The lie that we “just grew apart” played over and over in both of our heads. Neither of us tended too much to our garden at home, and what does not get watered shrivels up and dies. The grass is always green where we water it and, in our case, there was a lengthy drought.

My extra-curricular relationship started at work. This happened to be my first job out of college. I had been there for seven years, which seemed like a lifetime then. It was a start-up company and I was one of the first employees hired. I had helped the owner build a successful business with his blood but both of our sweat and tears. My fellow employees felt more like a family than co-workers. We worked together and played together. I guess you could say some of us became a little too close.

One guy consistently paid extra attention to me. He was persistent. I remember him always going the extra mile to help me. He paid me the highest compliments, opened all the doors, and always offered to carry my heavy stone samples. Looking back, I think he won me over simply because he wore me down at my most vulnerable moments. At the time, attention and kindness felt great. A wilderness lesson I will learn too late is if there seems to be a drought at home, don’t water other relationships, water the garden at home. The enemy knows our weaknesses and he will wear you down if you grant him access.

One evening, it happened. We kissed. I know, I was shocked too. I drove home, appalled that I was capable of kissing someone besides my husband. I walked into my house and my husband. What had I just done? What just happened? Now what? It was a surreal evening of shock and disbelief. I hadn’t kissed another set of lips in over a decade. I had committed adultery, the ultimate sin the bible states as being the only grounds for divorce. I just committed the big, huge, enormous sin.

What took place over the next several months felt like magic to my lost soul: the butterflies of a new romance, hidden secrets, and rendezvous escapes. I lived on all the lies the enemy fed me and he had a field day in my mind. I thought I was in love. I thought I wanted to spend forever with this person. I dreamt of a future with him. The house in the country I had always wanted, he wanted too. We had so much in common and it seemed we both wanted the same things in life. I thought I married the wrong man. I thought, “Ok Lord, this is who I was supposed to be with.” I didn’t realize it at the time, but of course this was dopamine talking. Dopamine causes our brain to function the same as some drugs might do. Whether it’s a drug, your first love or a new romance, each will get you feeling really high...for a little while.

You may have experienced being lost in your lifetime. Perhaps it was when you were very young or your college years. Maybe it was last year or right now. The season of living a double life in my late 20’s and early 30’s, defined a very lost season for me. Even though there were not a hundred trees surrounding me, I was very confused and disoriented. I had no idea where I was, where I was headed and how on earth I would get out.

BUT IT’S GOOD FOR YOU

My double life smacked me square in the face when my boss served me a huge piece of humble pie and fired me. Although the guy I had been seeing did not lose his job, I felt like I had lost everything, not just my job. My whole life had been shattered. I felt like my life was over. I didn’t understand that feelings and emotions are not always factual. These feelings come when we do not know who we are in...

Erscheint lt. Verlag	24.2.2021
Sprache	englisch
Themenwelt	Geisteswissenschaften ► Religion / Theologie ► Christentum
ISBN-10	1-0983-6366-3 / 1098363663
ISBN-13	978-1-0983-6366-6 / 9781098363666

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