Looking Unto the Rock Whence Ye Are Hewn (eBook)
One Man's Roadmap to Spiritual Recovery and the Beacons On His Journey
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EPUB
2019
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1. Auflage
191 Seiten
Bookbaby (Verlag)
978-1-5439-6969-6 (ISBN)
191 Seiten
Bookbaby (Verlag)
978-1-5439-6969-6 (ISBN)
We see our people are struggling with mental issues, and with the current suicide rates we face the challenge to come out of our comfort zones and extend a hand of support, using the expertise of our own life experiences, with the hope to help others in similar situations, or even worse.
Do you find yourself unable to deal with the pressure of drug and alcohol addictions?Do you lack staying power, after you've tried and tried, and just don't seem to be able to hang in there?You are feeling the pressure, because the harder and harder you try to scream for help, as in the scary dream, nobody seems to hear. It might be that you have tried, and feel you need more support. Someone who understands and is willing to go with you on the expedition, to be a shoulder to lean on, when no one else is available or caught up in life. Anger and emotional problems seem to hold you back, and every day is a struggle. You need someone who sympathizes with you, who could stand in and try to explain to others the struggle within which you are facing, to the extent that you've considered, or are considering suicide. Is there any real help, or helper? You try to figure this out, as you are in desperate need. What makes it worse is that you have kids or a family who feels they need to distance themselves from you for their safety. You don't want to lose them. Yes, we all need help sometimes, but we use different means to ask for it or indicate that deep down there is a struggle going on. I am strongly of the belief that amongst our youth there are answers to your mind-boggling questions, locked up in this text, and I would recommend you take what calls to you. I can promise things will turn to the better. You will hopefully be directed to parts of scripture that you missed, or never looked at from this angle, and this will hopefully trigger the urge to make time for studying the Bible, and further shed light on more questions you may have. Start your own yourney, andyour life can enrich others in turn.
Do you find yourself unable to deal with the pressure of drug and alcohol addictions?Do you lack staying power, after you've tried and tried, and just don't seem to be able to hang in there?You are feeling the pressure, because the harder and harder you try to scream for help, as in the scary dream, nobody seems to hear. It might be that you have tried, and feel you need more support. Someone who understands and is willing to go with you on the expedition, to be a shoulder to lean on, when no one else is available or caught up in life. Anger and emotional problems seem to hold you back, and every day is a struggle. You need someone who sympathizes with you, who could stand in and try to explain to others the struggle within which you are facing, to the extent that you've considered, or are considering suicide. Is there any real help, or helper? You try to figure this out, as you are in desperate need. What makes it worse is that you have kids or a family who feels they need to distance themselves from you for their safety. You don't want to lose them. Yes, we all need help sometimes, but we use different means to ask for it or indicate that deep down there is a struggle going on. I am strongly of the belief that amongst our youth there are answers to your mind-boggling questions, locked up in this text, and I would recommend you take what calls to you. I can promise things will turn to the better. You will hopefully be directed to parts of scripture that you missed, or never looked at from this angle, and this will hopefully trigger the urge to make time for studying the Bible, and further shed light on more questions you may have. Start your own yourney, andyour life can enrich others in turn.
1. Feelings of anger and disappointment
Anger as per Webster’s dictionary is a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of actively expressed opposition or hostility. For a former addict, this is one of the biggest demons to struggle with. Apparently, the first 30 days of breaking a habit are the most difficult. With the cravings, you actually also deal with a huge amount of anger and discomfort as your body and soul ache for the substance that once fueled you.
As with rehabilitation, there is a time when the abuser is left to dry out and is actually isolated from the source or substance of abuse. During my journey, as I lost my job as a result of substance abuse, there was a plan to get me rehabilitated, and hopefully get my job back. For me, this was a time of total change, as it would be difficult for me to face the superiors I used to work with. Because of my habit, they refused to help me finish my qualifications. This created some tension between me and my supervisor, as I felt the unfair treatment, and I believe it was because of my reputation. One of my biggest motivations for the change in my life was the hope of repairing the relationship between me, my child and my girlfriend (who is my wife today). There was a period of weekly meetings set up with a social worker to monitor my behavior and overall day to day attitude towards my parents and immediate family. At that time, my girlfriend and baby were still living with me in a one-bedroom shack that we rented.
My girlfriend was working, and she had to take care of all the expenses, even my drug debts. I can remember, when she went out working the night shift in a factory, the baby was left in my care. I locked the boy up and fled into the darkness of night to satisfy my urges for the substances I became addicted to.
This went hand in hand with theft, and burglary, and some other means for getting money for drugs. The urges for drugs somehow weighed heavier than my responsibility to care for and protect my baby, being exposed to almost any form of danger. He was sleeping in a place with a burning candle, and anything was possible.
The addiction draws you to a point when anger is walking with you like a person, just pressing you to get your fix. There were days when it didn’t all go well, and there was no money. This is the worst. It brings out a dark side of you that displays the most vicious types of behavior which you didn’t even know you were capable of. I also, at times, exposed my family to the mercy of drug dealers, and had to flee weekends to other villages with my family, if I couldn’t pay my debts.
You had to find a way. Forms of criminal activities offer addicts the funding to cover their debts and buy more and more drugs. I struggled with tension, and my heart started pounding to a point where I couldn’t bear the pressure. Some, actually a lot of the stuff my wife bought, like the stove and electric leads, even stuff at my mom’s place, was stolen to sell for drug money. I was now no longer only into Marijuana and Mandrax, but also started with crystal methamphetamine.
By God’s grace, I didn’t prefer meth, as Mandrax was my favorite, and I soon distanced myself from it. After I was fired from my previous job, I got a payout from some fund, and my mom held the money and helped my girlfriend to at least get the basic stuff for the baby. I had to get hold of that money, and became involved with heavy arguments with my mom, and my father had to fend me off. My anger developed to such a state that I was seeing more violent behavior as the only way out. I became the carrier of a knife as my weapon of choice. By divine intervention, I only used it once and hurt somebody to the point that I started to prepare myself for becoming an apprentice for the notorious South African jail number gang. That was where I was heading, and I spent time with a mentor from these circles to prepare me for going to jail.
Dealing with the level of anger I experienced was tough, and I can imagine what those that are deeper into it are struggling with. There were a few occasions where I almost lost my life, and I believe there must be a purpose for my life. After every visit from the social worker, it was coming to a point where she concluded her findings, as there were also some statements from the clinic sister, from my previous job, that indicated my problem, even when I was still working. This sister is one of my angels. She has a heart of gold, and still today she works with kids who are homeless. To think I was actually in an informal education system that prepared me for my purpose. I felt a great deal of heart and love from somewhere deep inside of me.
The time had to be established for me to finally go into rehab, and I refused. This was a bad time for my mom. She was very disappointed with my decision. Unbelievably, my behavior, attitude, and habits caused me to lose everything. My girlfriend went back to her mom’s house with the baby, and I was by myself. I considered myself relieved from that duty, and fell into a deeper state, to the point where I didn’t even care.
I was hurt, confused, and anger was eating the last of my pride as people lost hope in me. My family distanced themselves from me, and I was alone. I ended up sleeping on the street, in dirt bins, and my life was one big mess. I followed my girlfriend to her village, and become a homeless person, sleeping in the school lavatories, and afterward in dirt bins. There were days I visited her, but things were different. I saw my boy but couldn’t really be with him like before, due to my guilt and shame.
One night, as I was sleeping in one of these bins, I had nothing to sooth my pain of disappointment. I picked up a used marijuana “white pipe”, and a Mandrax pipe somebody had thrown away, that was actually just ashes. I puffed at this just to try to get to sleep, but the kick I got wasn’t enough to satisfy me, and I started thinking about my life. I blamed people, and I considered two choices--- committing a crime so severe I’d have to go to jail, or I could just go home and ask for my people to give me a chance and get help for me. After a long influx of events, I needed my life back. I needed to be united with my family and have access to my baby. It was October or November 2004 when I didn’t know where my life was heading, and my only hope was Christ. My brother became a Christian and was very active in the ministry, as he also went through some turmoil in his life. He and my uncle ultimately led me to Christ as I was a broken man.
The story of my life is a difficult one to tell, as it is a very emotional experience, because of the many people I’ve hurt. However, I allowed the healing in my soul at the right time. A few years ago, thinking back on my life left me with tears in my eyes, sobbing to the point where it became uncontrollable. But I can look back on this and declare I’m healed. Miraculously, I never had to go to rehab, and today I am clean. Cleansed by the blood of the Lamb.
I caught somebody not too long ago, staring at me, laughing, and shaking his head. I could not help myself, and out of curiosity had to ask him about it.
His answer was one of the most powerful statements I’ve ever heard, as I experienced something deeper while he was sharing it with me. It actually sums up my whole life. He said, “Jeff, I cannot believe you’re the same person I once knew.” The reason why it grabbed me like it did was because I myself could not believe it. That nasty stuff was just no more, and I experienced the most powerful of gifts God could give us. Forgiveness.
“…Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us…” I had the opportunity to ask for forgiveness to those I had hurt. Some are no longer alive today. Even in my previous book (Padre Nuestro, Paternoster, Onse Vader) I got the opportunity to ask more and more people for forgiveness. All glory and honor be to God, for he alone is worthy to be praised. I feel the need to quote two significant scriptures here.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2; 2 Corinthians 10:3-5).
“For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”
Stress and high blood pressure go hand in hand with a clean or once-addicted person’s everyday struggle within. When this isn’t targeted in a cautious manner, it can get out of hand and cause even bigger damage, since the temper, and threat of depression always tempts you to burst and break down. These break downs can even be fatal to those in close range or to the carrier of it, when not dealt with in a cautious manner. Lots of people approach those having an outburst in an almost instinctive, reflexive manner, not always seeing the threat of making things worse, and are sometimes surprised or even overwhelmed by the response they get.
Even those considered to be experts in the field of psychology sometimes find themselves with their hands in their hair when trying to respond to a patient having an outburst. That’s when medication to calm patients down seems to do the trick.
With regards to my struggle with evil...
| Erscheint lt. Verlag | 19.4.2019 |
|---|---|
| Sprache | englisch |
| Themenwelt | Geisteswissenschaften ► Religion / Theologie ► Christentum |
| ISBN-10 | 1-5439-6969-0 / 1543969690 |
| ISBN-13 | 978-1-5439-6969-6 / 9781543969696 |
| Informationen gemäß Produktsicherheitsverordnung (GPSR) | |
| Haben Sie eine Frage zum Produkt? |
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