Counsel for Couples

Jonathan Holmes serves as the pastor of counseling at Parkside Church in Ohio and is the founder and executive director of Fieldstone Counseling.  He serves on the council board for the Biblical Counseling Coalition and is a frequent speaker at conferences and retreats. He graduated from The Master’s University with degrees in Biblical Counseling and History and has his M.A. from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. Jonathan is the author of The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship and has also written for The Gospel Coalition, Care Leader, Covenant Eyes, and Journal of Biblical Counseling. He and his wife, Jennifer, have four daughters, Ava, Riley, Ruby, and Emma. In his spare time, Jonathan enjoys traveling, reading, and gardening.

Part 1: The Basics

Chapter 1 – Getting the Lay of the Land
Every pastor has faced a marriage in crisis. There is the momentary battle within---do you take the call and meet with them or give them a referral for a local, Christian counselor?

Pastors often suffer a lack of confidence and competence when it comes to counseling. While many of us feel able to prepare a sermon or officiate a funeral, there is something about counseling which can be unsettling. As pastors, we must see that counseling is not a separate calling for the professionally trained. Counseling is borne out of a theological conviction that the Scriptures themselves are profitable for all matters of life and godliness.

Chapter 2- Getting to the Heart of the Issue
The problems, which typically bring couples into marriage counseling, are rarely the problems, which keep them in marriage counseling. After a few conversations it often becomes clear that there are deeper waters that need to be explored. The constant conflict, the rebellious teen, the mountains of debt, the cold sex life---often are more symptomatic of heart issues, which need to be addressed.

Chapter 3- Is this Above My Pay-Grade?
Wise marriage counseling should affirm and know when to engage others for help. Oftentimes, lay counselors and pastors find themselves in fairly complex and messy marital issues. How can we thoughtfully engage others? What does the creation of a network of care look like?

This chapter will provide practical advice on collaboration and utilizing counseling resources in your church, local community and the wider biblical counseling community.

Chapter 4- Forgive and Forget?
There are two words, which come up in almost every marriage counseling session: forgiveness and love. Forgiveness is critical to the long-term health of any Christ-centered marriage. Forgiveness is at the heart of the gospel itself, and yet ironically, many couples have no working theology of what forgiveness is or how it operates in a relationship.

Helping a couple embrace a biblical understanding of forgiveness will enable them to work through the difficulties and struggles which marriage inevitably brings.

Chapter 5- Where is the Love?
If forgiveness comes up in every session, then the topic of love is not far behind. The world operates on a love-language mentality of 'you love me how I want to be loved, and I'll love you back.' Could there be anything further from the biblical model of love? At the heart of true, biblical love is self-sacrifice, and until that is realized, progress toward a healthy marriage will be inhibited.

Chapter 6- Structuring Your Initial Sessions
How does it all work together? From session one to session two, what do you need to cover and why? Biblical counseling at its best and simplest is being able talk, engage, empathize, and inquire on matters of the heart.

Good biblical counseling is never simplistic or reductionistic. Do we believe Scripture gives us everything we need to know God and our own heart? Yes, and it is out of this confidence, that counselors can rightly, carefully and compassionately apply Scripture to life in a way that brings true hope and change.

Part 2: Practical Issues

Chapter 7- My Wife Has Been Cheating On Me!
Initial goals
Basic questions to ask
Issues to consider
Possible heart motivations
Scripture passage/exposition
Testimonial
'Expert' witness:

Chapter 8- I Caught My Husband Looking at Porn
Initial goals
Basic questions to ask
Issues to consider
Possible heart motivations
Scripture passage/exposition
Testimonial
'Expert' witness:

Chapter 9- My Husband is Not a Believer
Initial goals
Basic questions to ask
Issues to consider
Possible heart motivations
Scripture passage/exposition
Testimonial
'Expert' witness:

Chapter 9- I Think My Spouse is Abusing Me
Initial goals
Basic questions to ask
Issues to consider
Possible heart motivations
Scripture passage/exposition
Testimonial
'Expert' witness:

Chapter 10- My Wi