Introducing Practical Guides (eBook)

Introducing Psychology of Success

These first three chapters are taken from Introducing Psychology of Success. They will show you that it’s always worth making positive changes in your life, help you to make sure you are aiming for something that will really make you happy, and teach you the importance of balancing quick, current satisfaction against lasting future satisfaction.

Activation!

It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on Earth – and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Mike was aged ‘50-something’ when we had the pleasure of meeting him. He was a pleasant and relaxed man, with bright eyes and a smile on his face. Yet despite this, Mike was also quite frankly one of the most annoying people that you could meet when running a course on making the most out of your life and potential.

This wasn’t because, like some, Mike sat there all day with his arms firmly crossed and a sceptical look on his face that clearly read, ‘Go on then, motivate me!’ In contrast, he seemed to agree with the ethos of the course and was obviously engaged in learning. Yet despite this, in all the exercises designed to set goals and become energized to take action, Mike was adamant that there was absolutely nothing that he wanted to do differently in his life.

A common misconception:

There’s no point in changing my life. I’m happy sitting at home in my comfy armchair each evening and watching the television.

Rather than this common misconception, is there a different way to look at life?

The value of hindsight

Time travel may not be possible, but we can seek advice from those older and wiser than us and ask them the question: ‘If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently?’

Researcher Richard Leider has dedicated nearly 25 years to interviewing senior citizens, asking them just this question (let’s hope that he doesn’t regret spending all that time on it!). Fascinatingly, he found that, almost without exception, when senior citizens look back, they say the same things:

• Firstly, make sure that you take regular ‘time out’ to look at the bigger picture, and to work out what you want from life. You get so caught up in the rat race of life that it usually takes a crisis to make you step back and re-visit what your priorities are.
• Secondly, be more courageous and take more risks. You are most alive when you are learning, growing, stretching and exploring.
• And finally, make sure that you work out, as early as possible in your life, what will make you genuinely fulfilled. Success is often measured in external ways, such as how big your house is or what job title you have, but the internal measure of how happy you feel inside is far more important.

This book will help you to achieve all of these things, so that you don’t come to share the same regrets as the senior citizens Richard Leider interviewed. It will inspire you to step back and work out what you want from life, challenging you to ensure that the success that you seek will actually lead to lasting fulfilment. It will then give you the confidence and techniques to help you to achieve your dreams.

A final insight from Richard Leider’s research: as you grow older, life picks up speed. As you hit the second half of your life, everything moves faster and all of a sudden you realize that you are in your retirement. Looking back, it is obvious that time is the most precious currency in your life.

Consider your reaction to this exercise. How do you feel now? What have you learned about your time and your priorities?

So what will make you change your life?

After several hours of working with Mike, exasperated, we asked him, ‘Have you always felt this way? Have you always been confident that there is nothing you want to change in your life?’ Mike smiled and said:

No. About four years ago, I was driving on my bike and had an accident and very, very nearly died. Since then I have completely changed my attitude towards life and have made massive changes. I realized how precious it is and that it cannot be taken for granted.

Like Mike, many people are motivated to take action to make the most out of their lives following a wake-up call. Researcher Jonathan Haidt, from the University of Virginia, is fascinated by what happens to people like Mike who suffer a major life trauma.

Haidt learned that many people, far from finding the tremendous struggle makes their lives worse, discover that it helps them to grow. Specifically, it helps people to sort out their priorities in life and causes them to do things that are important to them and that they have perhaps not made time for up to that point. Adversity also acts as a filter – suddenly all of the petty and trivial concerns of everyday life become insignificant.

This message is poignantly highlighted by the story of Simon Weston. Simon was a 21-year-old solider aboard a British ship involved in the Falklands War. On 8 June 1982, enemy forces bombed the ship and Simon was caught in the blast. His body was covered in burns that disfigured him and have required over 70 major operations.

Despite his appalling trauma, in his book, Moving On, Simon says:

Getting injured wasn’t the worst thing that ever happened to me. In some ways it was even the best. Look at all the positive aspects of my life that have grown from my injuries. In the end, it’s not what happens to you that counts, but what you do about it. What matters is where you are going to take your life and how you are going to makes things better.

Since suffering his injuries Simon has become dedicated to helping others, driving him to achieve a number of feats he was otherwise fearful of, including skydiving and running the New York City Marathon.

Seize the day

If many people do take action to make the most out of their lives and potential following a wakeup call, the key message is this: why wait for a wake-up call to change your life?

Unless you have the fortune to be a genuine clairvoyant (if indeed such a person exists!) then you will never know what is going to happen to you in life. Although many of us live our lives thinking, ‘That’s an awful story, but that would never happen to me’, the harsh reality of life is that it could.

But more than that, wouldn’t it be fantastic if you could reap the benefits of achieving more from your life without having to survive a major life trauma. Make this the day that you seize the day.

Imagine that you found out that you only had 24 hours to live.

• What would you do?
• Who would you want to speak to?
• What would you want to say to them?

Now ask yourself: what do I need to do in the next 24 hours!

• Take time out to look at the bigger picture of your life.
• Extend your comfort zone; take on a little extra risk.
• Your time is very precious; spend it doing what will be most rewarding.

Get activated now, or in other words:

Dig a well before you are thirsty.

Harvey Mackay

Begin with the end in mind

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.

Lily Tomlin

Did you know that a study of the richest Americans revealed that 37% are less happy than the average American? If these people had been pursuing wealth as a means of happiness, that’s what we would call being ‘successfully unsuccessful’.

So, before we give you powerful techniques that will rocket power you to achieve your goal of becoming a multi-millionaire, we want to make sure that you are aiming for the right thing.

Drawing upon Stephen Covey’s ‘jungle clearing’ story as an analogy: it doesn’t matter how successful you are at felling trees and clearing undergrowth, or indeed how hard you work, if ultimately you are in the wrong jungle.

Before we...