Children in the Way? (eBook)

CHAPTER 2

Just in Time?

Carrie and Isobel

This is my place: a sense of belonging, part of the valued community, part of my identity

We are all unique individuals and we are all of equal value. The God of heaven and earth who bothered to make each snowflake with an individual pattern, who takes delight in giving each of us different fingerprints, most certainly takes joy in planting individuality in each and every one of us. He puts some of his characteristics in us as well.

Including children.

So, if we value each child as unique, we have to ensure that we allow them to be true to themselves. They need to be allowed the freedom of individuality and freedom of expression, within appropriate social contexts, not running wild but not trained like soldiers either.

Children need to feel that church is a place for them, that they have a sense of belonging. They need to feel that they are a valued member of that community, with a church family that provides quality time and has appropriate expectations of them. They need to be high on the church’s agenda, as they are high on God’s agenda. They might also be future leaders and are an important part of church growth.

Giving each child a badge, or having a welcome board for registration with the child’s photograph, is a practical way of recognizing the membership and acceptance of that child within the group. Even the youngest children sense this.

Young children embrace the experiences they are given and accept that this is the way the world works. However, later, as they are able to make more evaluative judgments and maybe haven’t felt that they fitted in or felt “good enough” in some way, then they will vote with their feet and opt out of church altogether. In effect they will have been “inoculated” against church or Christianity.

Will we be just in time to make positive changes for our youngest church children that could influence their perception of church and the relevance of God’s love for them for the rest of their lives?

Children should be viewed as equal members of the church body. However, Jesus goes even further and says they are of special value:

whoever welcomes this child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me; for the least among all of you is the greatest.1

Jesus said these amazing words in the context of the disciples arguing between themselves about who was the greatest, and he placed a child in the middle of them.

So, are we equal?

Children, in God’s eyes, are very special indeed.

So much so that Jesus, when speaking about children, uses exceptional language as he describes how their angels always look on his Father’s face.2 He does not use language like that about anybody else.

We too need to afford children enormous respect and honour, provide the very best for them, and be ready to learn from them.

We need to “welcome” them, as Jesus says. “Welcome” means to “gladly and cordially receive” or to “invite”.

What is our children’s experience as they come to our churches?

Are they warmly received in a way that they can appreciate? Jesus adds that if we welcome children, we also welcome him and his Father! What an incredible statement.

Are children shoved out the back, with dirty and inadequate equipment, in uncomfortable spaces with adults who don’t really want to be there at all?

Where is Jesus in that?

Principles: what do we really want for our children?

What principles do we have for our children? What do we want them to learn while they are with us in church during these early years?

What do we really want?

• To keep them occupied so they don’t disturb our worship?
• To give exhausted parents a much-needed break?
• To give them the same sort of experience that we had maybe twenty or thirty years ago (“It didn’t do us any harm”) so that adults can get on with the serious business of church?
• To train them in the way they should go so that when they are older they will not depart from it?
• To help them have a good knowledge of the Bible?
• To have fun?
• Something else?

Jesus clearly said:

“Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs…” And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.3

That needs to be our purpose too.

So how do we let children come to Jesus?

How do we hinder or stop them?

Jesus also rebuked the disciples strongly when they tried to turn mothers with their children away…

We believe that children need to be:

• Safe
• Secure
• Valued
• Respected
• Able to enjoy loving relationships
• Prayed for
• Encouraged to know God, their heavenly Father

What does this actually look like in practice?

When working with three- and four-year-olds in a nursery, I observed a demonstration of valuing a child equally:

This is an example of a “hidden” message which is very powerful. I had to learn how to do this and it took time to get it right, but I felt it was important because of the message it conveyed. It also meant that all children in a group received attention and not just the ones that were the most demanding. It also provided a model to those who did not learn verbally. Being fully “present” to children emotionally, physically and using good body language, says “I value you.”

Is that possible in a large group of children?

Yes, it is, on a one-to-one basis.

The other children need to have some degree of independence and security, knowing that their turn will come. From the child’s point of view, it is better to have some short, high-quality time with a really important adult, than it is to have no individual attention and always to be treated as part of a group.

This way of “being present” to children is not easy. It can be hard work.

During various aspects of my job I have observed a wide range of strategies that adults employ in order not to engage with children (a bit like all the jobs I do around the house in preference to sewing on a button). They do this by talking to other adults, preparing materials, preparing food/drinks, clearing up, cutting out, mixing paints…

Focusing intently on children can reap huge rewards for us as well as them. I have learned so much about individuals from listening closely to them: their joys and interests, their incredible thinking and the way they make connections between one area of life and another. Getting to know and love the children I work with has helped me to recognize how God loves me as his child.

Have you ever been part of a group or crowd and longed that the important speaker/singer/actor/teacher would just have a special private word with you?

It’s that search for significance that is in all of us.

Am I important?

Do I belong?

Am I known?

In children’s eyes we are like giants. What we do or don’t do has an impact on them. We cannot be neutral.

Children and creative thinking

God is the Creator.

The creator of heaven and earth, and everything in it.

Looking at creation – from images of space, to the wonders of life on earth, to the smallest detail of the human body as seen through an electron microscope – the variety and beauty is breath-taking. See Genesis 1 and Job 38 and 39 for God’s own list.

All of us at some point must have been filled with awe and wonder.

The elegance of mathematical theory, the way music can touch our souls and the variety of our cultures across the world speak of the joy of a God who thinks outside of the box.

And this Creator God is also our heavenly Father and has made us in his image.

We are creative beings.

All of us.

Including children.

From the moment we respond to the sound and smell of our mother, as newborns, we are expressing ourselves. As we grow and develop, we express who we are through speech, what we wear, the things we do and how we relate to others.

Creativity is one of the features that distinguish us from other species. We believe creativity starts within each child as they begin to reach out to explore, with curiosity, the world around. This grows through experimentation or “play”. Creativity then draws on imagination...