Mentoring Matters (eBook)

Introduction

Bad news travels fast in church circles. Another leader had called it quits and the church he had planted and led for fourteen years was closing. I left a message on his answering machine:

‘Hi, Dave. Sorry to hear your news. Would you like to catch up for coffee?’

A few days later we sat together and I was looking at a devastated man. ‘I wish I could say I don’t know how this happened, but I do. I’ve been a fool,’ he said.

Dave is a highly talented leader but also highly independent. He had been in scrapes before but had always managed to dig himself out and lead his church to even greater heights. But not this time. He is not even forty, yet he feels washed up.

Several people had offered to walk the journey with him but he had refused any kind of accountable relationship. To Dave, accountability had been a dirty word, and this was what he now saw as foolish. ‘People like you have tried to tell me, but I wouldn’t listen. I couldn’t see it.’

Dave related the events that led to his crash: the isolation, the emotional strain, the loss of perspective, especially losing track of where God was in it all. The whole fracas might have been avoided had Dave had a mentor to help him navigate his way through the minefield of Christian leadership. Raw talent had been both his greatest asset and his Achilles heel. He hadn’t seen it coming because he wouldn’t listen. Unhealthy ways of operating in ministry had accumulated over the years until his leadership at last became unsustainable.

Terry has heard a few of these stories and is worried that he might be next. Although he is the greatly-admired and often-imitated senior pastor of a large church, in a recent conversation with his mentor he said, ‘I can’t do the rabbits thing any more.’

Puzzled, his mentor asked, ‘The rabbits thing? What’s that?’

Terry replied, ‘In my church, I’m expected to pull a rabbit out of a hat every Sunday. I just can’t do it any more.’

Unrealistic expectations are mounting up against this leader, slowly strangling his soul. But Terry is astute and is doing something constructive. Knowing that he needs a safe relationship that can serve as an external frame of reference for his life in God, he is reaching out to a trusted mentor before his ministry, too, becomes unsustainable.

We hear a great deal these days about sustainability. Sustainable energy. Sustainable agriculture. Sustainable development. Sustainable ecosystems. In the light of so many Christian leaders struggling to find a healthy way to carry out their calling, it raises the question of whether or not there is such a thing as sustainable ministry these days. This book describes a way of mentoring that helps to make Christian leadership sustainable in the contemporary context. While this process is relevant to all followers of Jesus, my particular concern is for leaders, and especially those people who pour their energy into transformation as opposed to maintenance. Without wishing to be alarmist, I believe that the crisis facing these Christian leaders today is deeper and more extensive than most of us imagine.

Christian leadership may become unsustainable for a variety of reasons. Some leaders insist on tackling challenges for which they are not suited. They may work for years trying to fulfil an agenda that someone else set for them before they finally figure out what God has uniquely called and equipped them to do. Others go about things in an unwise fashion, damaging themselves and others along the way. They may work extraordinarily hard, expending huge amounts of mental and emotional energy, yet fail to tap into the power of God’s Spirit; or they may adopt ways and means of pursuing their calling that are harder than they need to be. Still others simply lack the necessary defences for going the distance. They neglect healthy habits and fail to guard against things that make a soul sick.

To such leaders, these words of Jesus offer another way:

God has an agenda for Christian leaders that is truly sustainable. His call fits each one uniquely, like a glove. His wisdom shows leaders how to operate in ways that are effective and truly good. His power carries the day even when a leader’s weaknesses are exposed. The renewing work of God’s Spirit in leaders’ lives brings growth and strength in spirituality, character and ministry. For those of us who have seen too many good people end up in a mess, the question is this: How do we get Christian leaders on to God’s agenda?

The mentoring process described in this book facilitates ministry sustainability by resolutely pursuing God’s agenda in the lives of Christian leaders. In this process, mentors act like general practitioner doctors of the soul, working for the overall health of mentorees.2 In this sense, the art of mentoring is the ‘cure of souls’. Other ‘specialist’ services may also be required from time to time – coaches, counsellors, and so on – but the mentor maintains relationship with the individual throughout, helping them to integrate all the input from various sources into a coherent approach to a healthy, sustainable lifestyle of loving and serving God.

Most of the Christian leaders I know look like they are doing okay. But what is really going on below the surface? Like icebergs, the part others see is only a fraction of the total reality. The part that can so easily cause the greatest damage is below the waterline, and who really wants to look down there? Eugene Peterson expresses the dilemma facing Christian leaders:

There is a question I like to ask leaders that usually causes a pause for thought. That question is, ‘How’s your soul?’ Leaders are used to being asked about their ministries, their projects or even their families. Few people ever ask them about their soul. Some even struggle to know what their soul is, let alone what condition it is in. Those brave enough to attempt an answer start to tap into what is below the surface.

Of course, Christian leaders have great moments too – moments when they know they are in exactly the place and condition that God wants them to be. If someone should ask a probing question, these are the highlight moments leaders naturally prefer to talk about. There’s no need to tell lies. We just need to be selective with the truth. Over time we can weave all our glorious moments into a seemingly continuous narrative, and the result is very impressive! That is exactly what some parents do for their kids when they are trying to break into the big time. They stand there at every game, every performance, capturing footage of their little star. After hours of cutting and pasting the very best clips, the version that finally makes it into the hands of the talent scout makes the child look like a world-beater. It’s truthful to a certain extent, but it is not the whole truth.

When Christian leaders are on top of their game, their connection with the Lord is deep and strong, their insights into God’s agenda are highly perceptive, their interactions with other people are pure and gracious, and their ministries are alight with the power of the Holy Spirit. In our best moments, all of us are good – I mean, we’re really good. But we don’t always operate at our best. We mean well and we have good intentions, but we drift away from our best so easily and settle for mediocrity – or worse. But what if we could find someone to help us take the best moments of our lives and make them more typical? What if there was someone who would keep us honest, call us to be true to what is best in us, and remind us of what God has begun to do in our lives?

In the kind of mentoring relationships that this book describes, mentors help us remember and learn from the moments when we are at our best. Mentors help arrest the drift, pulling us back to our most noble intentions, our deepest connection with God, our most perceptive insights, our most gracious dealings with others and our most Spirit-filled service. Renewed interest in mentoring in Christian circles is not just another instance of the church following after the latest fads in the world of management. This is a biblical pattern. Just as Moses was helped by Jethro to be his best, he in turn helped Joshua to rise up in leadership. Paul, having been helped by Barnabas, reached out to assist Timothy’s leadership development.

Since this book has captured your attention, the chances are that you are already acquainted with mentoring. You may have been doing it, at least informally, for years. Most mentoring that is carried out, both secular and spiritual, is informal in nature. This is perfectly...