Love Is Not Enough

Henry Kellerman, PhD, is a psychologist/psychoanalyst in private practice in New York, NY.

Introduction
Part One: Your Relationship
PREVIEW
1 Getting Close in the Relationship
What Is the Goal of a Good Relationship?
Is It Possible That Everyone Marries for the Wrong Reason?
Values versus Personality
Suffering and Personality
Talking
Listening versus Disregard
2 The Relationship in Its Context
Culture of the Marriage
Repair
Change in Relationships
The Important People Are Here
Rules of Approach and Rejection
Partners Take Each Other Very Seriously
You Behave toward Your Spouse as You Did toward Your Same-Gender Parent
3 How to Save the Relationship
The Good Parent
Event versus Process
The Algebra of Relationships
Reminder: Be a First among Equals
To Lose, Not to Win
4 Differences between Men and Women
Roles
Communication: Yes versus No
Communication: Yes and No, Again
Communication: The Difficult Theme for Men
Communication: The Difficult Theme for Women
Men and Women: Other Differences
5 The Reality of Marriage
Three Fires
10-Point Scale for Marriage
The Perfect Is the Enemy of the Good
Personal Life and Professional Life
Don't Make It Two against One
Two Equals Zero
6 Dangers and Opportunities in the Relationship
The Romance of Life
That Which Initially Attracts You Is That Which Eventually Kills You
Psychological Immune System
Crisis and Sex
Part Two: You
PREVIEW
7 Your Main Task in Life
Wishes and Anger
What Is the Main Task of Life?
Symptoms and Consciousness
Aggravation versus Trouble
8 Rising above Your Resistance
Count
Retain Your Individuality
The Line
Time
Guts
Procrastination
The World Is a C–
9 How and Why People Get Together (or Don't)
Mate Selection Criteria
Rescue Missions
Let Everyone Have His or Her Own Problems
Men Marry Their Fathers; Women Marry Their Mothers
To Get Together or Not
10 Managing the Crisis
Posttraumatic Stress
With Whom Do You Identify?
Emotions
The Minds of Specific Emotions
Whining
Defensiveness
Answering Questions or Not Answering Questions
Magical Thinking
Part Three: Personality Styles
PREVIEW
11 Emotionally Controlled Types
The Absence-of-Warmth Type
The Orderly Type
The Critical Type
12 Emotionally Expansive Types
The Falling-in-Love-Easily Type
The Self-Love Type
The High-as-a-Kite Type
13 Emotionally Antagonistic Types
Varieties of the Angry Type
The Manipulator Type
The Mean/Cruel Type
14 Emotionally Vulnerable Types
The Clinging Type
The Can't-Do-Anything Type
The Down-in-the-Dumps Type
The Victim Type
The Worried Type
15 Emotionally Volatile Type
The Loaded-with-Problems Type
16 Emotionally Healthy Type
This Is the One!
The Beginning
About the Author
Books by the Author