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Play

Kelli and Jim had a huge heart for missions. They loved God. They loved people. They loved learning about different cultures. And they loved their large family. For years they had desired to go on a short-term mission trip, but babies and the demands of family had made it difficult to get away.

An amazing invitation came for Kelli and Jim to go to Mongolia during the winter. They were asked to teach, preach, and do prayer ministry with church leaders there. Immediately their hearts leaped with a resounding yes!

Preparations began right away—obtaining warm clothing, arranging for childcare, and scheduling Jim to be away from work. All the details quickly fell into place. Before they knew it, Kelli and Jim were on a plane to the bitterly cold land of Mongolia. These two really loved each other. Getting away childless for a weekend had proven difficult throughout the years, and now they were getting away for two weeks without children! Woo-hoo!

The bitter cold almost took their breath away when they landed in Mongolia. The ministry was intense, often teaching and praying until the wee hours of the morning. But Kelli and Jim were free from a baby’s cry or a toddler climbing into bed with them. Even with the jet lag and fatigue, these two snuggled up in their warm bed making great use of each other’s body heat.

Upon their return home, Kelli called to tell us about their trip. The first words out of her mouth were, “It was so great to be alone that we had sex every night—ten nights in a row!” Even with all the amazing God stories from the trip, the uninterrupted time for play was a highlight for these two lovers. Kelli and Jim went far away from home to serve as missionaries in a foreign land and had far more fun than they anticipated. They were delighted to discover that playing together was as important a part of the journey as was the “spiritual” work that was planned.

In this book we will use “play” interchangeably with having sex. But play within the context of marriage is much more than sexual encounter. It is a lifestyle marked by exuberance in the intentional pursuit of joy. All forms of play are of great value because play reactivates the child within each one of us.

Childlike Play

A familiar church Sunday school song is “Jesus Loves the Little Children.” This simple song brings joy to those of any age who remain young at heart. In our hurried rush toward adulthood, many of us lose our appreciation for the merits of being a child. But God makes it clear in Scripture that there is much during this early season of life that is of great worth, and that should be pursued in our latter years.

In rebuking His disciples, Jesus made an astonishing statement: “Anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it” (Mark 10:15). And Jesus told Nicodemus, “I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again” (John 3:3). There are several characteristics of being childlike that God values greatly. One of them, in particular, is naïveté.

Adults are insultingly called naïve when they are inexperienced in the ways of the world. It is necessary for us to understand some aspects of the world’s ways, but there is no need for us to participate in the world’s dark view of sexuality. Satan has twisted and distorted the beauty of sex in an effort to steal, kill, and destroy a wonderful gift from our loving Father. But Jesus came that we may experience the fullness of life the way He designed in the beginning. For those who are married, sexual play has a vital role in the abundant life God wants us to enjoy.

Romans 16:19 tells us to be wise about what is good, and innocent (naïve, inexperienced in, deliberately avoiding) what is evil.

Participating with evil blocks our ability to receive the impartation of perfect love from the Father and decreases our capacity to share this love with our mate.

On the other hand, when partners focus on excellent play in the marriage bed, they are being “wise about what is good.” Nothing is more erotic than husband and wife, filled with the love of heaven, purely and freely enjoying one another in the way God intended. In fact, God is delighted when His children share in the good pleasures of sexual play.

Every father loves to watch his children having fun. Our Father in heaven is the best of all dads—full of goodness and mercy, and abounding in love. Seeing us play, both sexually and otherwise, brings a huge smile to God’s face. His desire is that we would satisfy each other during our years of being united together in marriage. He truly wants His children to enjoy every gift they have received from His loving hands.

Being God’s children, it is essential for us to learn how to play—and play well. More important than knowing the specific details of how to play sexually is the attitude with which we approach the subject. Husbands and wives who approach physical intimacy with wonder and enthusiasm will not be disappointed. The simplest of romantic games can be amazingly fun when played with one’s lifetime lover and friend.

One of our favorite romantic games involves searching for and riding Ferris wheels. In ministry we travel to many nations of the world. Whether in India, Uganda, China, or New Zealand, our eyes are constantly on the lookout for these towering, turning wheels of light. Riding them brings us joyous laughter, beautiful pictures to be taken, and memories to recall. We hold hands as the wheel takes us high up into the air, squeal together while passing over the top, and giggle like children all the way down. Our life in marriage is made richer and more full through opportunities for experiencing the whole gambit of playing together as darling friends.

In covenant marriage, God has created the wonderful and astonishing opportunity for spouses to wholeheartedly experience the pleasures of overtly sexual play.

God’s Playground

In our book 7 Secrets of a Supernatural Marriage, we share a story about a school playground that was adjacent to a busy city street and the need for safety in order for the children to feel the freedom to play.

God’s playground is safe because it is holy. We elaborate on this point further in 7 Secrets of a Supernatural Marriage: