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Those Who Are Bullied and the Harms

What Is “Bullying?”

Anston is being treated really badly by some of the other students in his sixth grade class. They make fun of his glasses and his weight. They intentionally refuse to allow him to sit with them at lunch. This has been going on for months. Anston is becoming more and more depressed. His grades are dropping. He often stays home because of headaches. When he told his principal that he was being bullied, her response was, “This is not bullying. There is nothing I can do.”

What is “bullying?” It will likely not surprise you to know that there is no clarity on the answer to this question. It will be helpful for you to know about the different definitions so that if you are told that what is happening to your child is “not bullying,” you will be empowered to respond in an effective manner. These are the different definitions.

• Academic definition. Researchers consider “bullying” to be when someone intends to be hurtful to someone, this harm is repeated, and there is an “imbalance of power.” Imbalance of power means that the hurtful person has greater social or physical power than the one they are treating badly. There is general agreement that bullying behaviors include these components and can involve physical aggression, verbal aggression, and relational aggression or social exclusion.1
• Statutory definitions. In the United States, are 50 different state statutory definitions of what is called bullying or harassment, and sometimes intimidation.2 A 2011 US Department of Education (USDOE) report on state statutes noted that the lack of consistency “contributes to confusion over how a specific incident should be treated.”3 You can see all of the different state statutory definitions at https://stopbullying.gov. Because these statutes require that school districts create anti‐bullying policies, your state's statutory definition becomes part of the policy in your district's disciplinary code. When a principal tells you or your child that “this is not bullying,” they are saying “this does not, in my opinion, meet the definition in our policy.”
• Discriminatory harassment. The definition of “discriminatory harassment” or “harassment” comes from US federal civil rights laws. This is a definition provided by the USDOE Office for Civil Rights (OCR): “Harassment creates a hostile environment when the conduct is sufficiently severe, pervasive, or persistent so as to interfere with or limit a student's ability to participate in or benefit from the services, activities, or opportunities offered by a school. When such harassment is based on race, color, national origin, sex, or disability, it violates the civil rights laws that OCR enforces.”4
• International definitions. Internationally, the term “bullying” is defined in different ways by different countries. There are cross‐cultural differences in how hurtful behavior is expressed in different countries. There are also differences in perspectives associated with physical aggression, verbal aggression, and relational aggression or social exclusion.5
• Terms or questions in surveys. The term “bullying” is also used in surveys. These generally ask about hurtful acts. The CDC's Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS) uses this definition: “Bullying is when 1 or more students tease, threaten, spread rumors about, hit, shove, or hurt another student over and over again. It is not bullying when 2 students of about the same strength or power argue or fight or tease each other in a friendly way.”6 Most of the surveys do not ask about seriousness, frequency, or harmful impact. This is a concern because the surveys do not distinguish between hurtful incidents that were resolved and those that are more serious or persistent.
• Cyberbullying. Cyberbullying is a newer form of hurtful behavior that is accomplished using digital technologies and social media. Because there is such a clear overlap between face‐to‐face bullying and cyberbullying, my recommendation would be a focus on the hurtful behavior, not the means by which this occurred.
• What students think. A student could complain they are being bullied based on one hurtful act that was not significantly serious – or serious or persistent hurtful incidents and situations that match any of the above definitions.

A document on bullying and cyberbullying was recently provided by the California School Board Association.7 On page one, column one, the document references a recent California statute that addresses the need for a policy that prohibits discrimination, harassment, intimidation, and bullying based on specified protected class status. The state statute requires schools to address what should be considered discriminatory harassment, but under the state anti‐bullying statute. These provisions are not in accord with the requirements under federal civil rights laws. On page one, column two, the document provides the academic definition. The difference between definitions is not addressed. On page two, the document references the California Healthy Kids Survey, which asks students about a range of hurtful acts which could or might not have been serious or persistent. This is a recipe for total confusion.

The perspective I share with school leaders is that we need to shift to a focus on empowering students to maintain positive relationships, reducing all forms of hurtful behavior, and ensuring both students and school staff can respond effectively to all incidents that involve hurtful behavior. Some of these may be more minor incidents that students should be able to resolve by themselves or with school staff assistance. Other more serious incidents will need to be resolved by a school team including the principal. All of these hurtful incidents cause some level of harm and can disrupt the environment.

If a student is experiencing someone being hurtful to them, they are unable to get this to stop, and this is causing them distress and an interference with their learning, should it really matter whether the hurtful acts meet the district's policy on “bullying?”

Students Who Are Bullied

In this section, I will describe two general profiles of the kinds of students who are bullied.

Bullied and Hurtful Students

Jacob has had a challenging life. He is living with his single mom, as his father is in prison. His mom struggles with ensuring the family has sufficient money and sometimes she drinks too much. Jacob has attention challenges, which interfere with his ability to focus while in school. Jacob is frequently excluded by other students in his class. They also often poke fun at his clothes and indicate that he smells. Jacob has begun to be aggressive to other students. He triggers and gets very upset. When he is upset he will lash out at anyone around him, especially those who are always poking fun at his clothing.

Some students have both been bullied and excluded by others and they are also being hurtful. Sometimes, these students are called “bully‐victims.” This is backwards. The saying “hurt people hurt people” fully applies to these students. They are “victims” who are now also “bullies” – except I suggest not using these terms. It is imperative to address the hurtful way these students are being treated to support them in stopping their hurtful behavior.

This may be your child or a student who is being hurtful to your child. These students have generally been repeatedly denigrated and excluded by other students and sometimes by school staff. They may also often come from homes that have a high level of violence or neglect. This has impacted their ability to self‐regulate. These young people tend to be unpopular, aggressive, easily angered, and have few friends.8 They are very low on the school's social ladder – the most ostracized by peers.9

These students may engage in behaviors that encourage other students to be hurtful to them. They are generally impulsive and poor in regulating their emotions.10 Other students can subtly pick on them until they “snap” and become disruptive. Most school staff do not notice or they ignore the more minor hurtful acts directed at these students. Then, when they become disruptive, they are the ones who are disciplined.11

These students engage in “reactive aggression.”12 Reactive aggression is emotional and impulsive hurtful behavior. They impulsively react badly in response to something bad that has been happening to them.

Marginalized hurtful students are at high risk.13 They have higher levels of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse, and suicidal behavior.14 They are less successful academically.15 They are more likely to carry weapons to school to protect themselves.16 They are less likely to graduate.17 They have the highest rates of self‐harm, plans for suicide, and attempted suicide.18 They also have higher rates of serious criminal charges in adulthood.19

These students are functioning at a high level of traumatic distress.20 They have learned that their environments are unsafe. Their amygdala, their threat sensor,...