Revising Eternity

Holly Welker is an award-winning poet and essayist and the editor of Baring Witness: 36 Mormon Women Talk Candidly about Love, Sex, and Marriage. Her work has appeared in dozens of publications, including Best American Essays, The Iowa Review, Slate, and the New York Times.

Foreword: Mormon American Masculinities, Ideal and Actual Patrick Q. Mason xi

Acknowledgments xv

Introduction: Personal, Contingent, and Incomplete Views on Eternal Marriage Holly Welker 1

Part I. Revised Expectations
Transgressors Stephen Carter 19

A husband considers the ways his happy

marriage violates the ideal praised by the

Proclamation on the Family

By the Drinking Fountain Eric Robeck 25

A couple’s relationship seems like a Latter-day

fairy tale—until he loses his faith

My One and Only Clyde Kunz 31

A gay man considers the way Latter-day Saints’

expectations for straight marriage affect his own

search for a relationship

There’s Something about Mary Kim Siever 37

A husband learns to love his wife more deeply by

studying the example of her love for him

For Jess, after Eighteen Years of Marriage: Seven Fragments on Love; Or, Some Things I Carry Tyler Chadwick 42

In a love letter to his wife, a husband lists some

of the familiar mysteries he cherishes in their

marriage

An Apology I’ve Been Working on for a While Joey Franklin 44

A husband reflects on the division of labor in

his marriage and how it affects his and his wife’s

senses of self

Never Good Enough Michael Carpenter 52

A lifetime of failing to meet Latter-day Saint

ideals exacts a tragic cost

Mormon AF Nicholas Don Smith 58

A stand-up comic from American Fork, Utah,

reflects on what it means to be Mormon and

single

Liken the Scriptures Andrew Spriggs 63

A young husband realizes that his gay marriage

is the most Mormon thing about his life

The Care Package Kevin Barnwell 71

A husband who has left the church works to find

the perfect anniversary gift for his still devout wife

Part II. Sex and Its Consequences
Fertility Theric Jepson 77

After the birth of their fourth child, a husband

undergoes a vasectomy to spare his wife any

more worry about fertility

Opposites Robert Raleigh 82

Newlyweds discover that their intense physical

attraction is not a strong enough basis for a

happy marriage—or even a satisfying sex life

Eternity in an Hour Boyd Jay Petersen 92

On the eve of a trip abroad, a husband learns

that his wife of thirty-three years is gay, after

which they negotiate a respectful separation

Pie Month Scott Russell Morris 105

A young couple agrees to eat pie every day during

the month of March 2014 while they also try to

conceive a child

The Highest T. Kay Browning 119

A young man determined to marry early learns

to be the man of integrity his marriage requires

of him, especially as he reckons with what the

#MeToo movement means for men

Being Jane John Doe 129

A bisexual cross-dresser and his wife learn to

have a mutually fulfilling sex life while honoring

their temple covenants to one another

Soul Mates Scott Blanding 133

A gay man and a straight woman navigate a

marriage both believe they committed to before birth

Hiding in Plain Sight David Nicolay 141

A husband’s ability to connect to his wife is

undermined by decades of sexual shame over

masturbation

7:06 A.M. Kelland Coleman 151

A lonely husband briefly attains the intimacy he

has longed for with his wife when she admits to

herself and to him that she is gay

Unsealed Dan Smith 160

A husband learns that trying to practice

polygamy to please his wife does not heal their

troubled marriage

Part III. In Sickness and in Health
Fear and Trepanation Ted Smith 171

A midlife crisis helps a husband understand

how valuable his marriage is, just before it is

threatened by a dire medical crisis

I’m Not Who I Thought You Married John B. Dahl 180

A young husband is forced to confront his own

misconceptions about mental illness when he is

diagnosed with depression—and discovers that

doing so strengthens instead of harms his marriage

Holding On and Letting Go Joseph Broom 190

After decades in a straight marriage, a gay man

discovers happiness with the love of his life—only

to lose him to cancer after a short marriage

Disability Check Caleb Scoville 198

A young man reckons with the way his bipolar

disease wreaks havoc on his marriage

The House of Infinite Regret Scot Denhalter 207

Addiction to prescription narcotics destroys a life,

a marriage, and a family

From Patriarchy to Matriarchy: A Marital and Spiritual Journey Thomas W Murphy 218

A young man from an abusive household vows to

create a family free of violence and coercion with

his wife, after which they learn about alternative

forms of strength and leadership—and about

aspects of their own backgrounds—when their

work leads them to Indigenous communities

The Marriage Bed: An Essay and Three Poems Robert A. Rees 231

A widower reflects on his happy marriage and

the joy of sharing a bed with his beloved

Glossary 239

Discussion Questions 243

Bibliography 245

Contributors 249