Children Out of the Cave (eBook)

THE POWER OF IMITATION

“Wherever you go, do as you see.”

—Popular Saying 

We learn by imitating. Even adults incorporate into their behavior the conducts which they see and hear every day. We do it constantly, and it is such a subtle mechanism that we hardly ever notice it. If we hear a phrase which rings true for us, we incorporate it into our speech. If we listen to a song over and over, it gets stuck in our head, even unwillingly. We watch someone we know proceed in a certain way and when facing a similar situation we tend to behave similarly. We acquire body language from other people, even from film stars. We emulate our dress based on the accepted fashion or the aesthetic we identify with. Advertisers use familiar patterns of speech and movement so we can feel comfortable buying their products. There's a theory regarding imitation commonly called “the broken window theory” by James Q. Wilson and George L. Kelling. In their theory they explain that if there's a broken window pane and it doesn't get fixed, a sense of abandonment is transmitted to the public, inciting them to continue to be careless with the immediate surroundings and causing other elements to also be broken with more ease. For instance, if a train station is littered with papers and other rubbish, people are more likely to throw more trash on the floor. After all, wherever you go, do as you see. 

Although we recognize the importance of imitation, we tend to revile it. If someone imitates us, we see it as mocking, if they imitate our creations, we call it copying. Copying is negatively viewed by our society, although it is often difficult to discern between what is genuine and what has been unknowingly taken from another source. When Catullus wrote in a beautiful poem “He seems to me to be equal to a god,” it was a literal translation of an equally beautiful poem by Sappho. What was considered a sign of esteem and admiration of the poet then, would nowadays be considered plagiarism. With the exception of music, where remixes and versions of popular songs are considered to be a sign of fame, like is the case for the song “Yesterday” by the Beatles which has been done and redone dozens of times. 

In any case, we can see that imitation is a normal conduct in our lives and denotes admiration of some sort, even when we are not conscious of the fact that we are imitating or that we admire that which we are emulating. If we can acknowledge the power it has in the lives of already fully developed adults, we can easily imagine its vast power in the sphere of children, immersed as they are in forming their personality and understanding the world around them. Let’s not forget the pervasiveness of imitation in the realm of teenagers following fashion trends and copying the popular conducts of the group which they are trying to fit into. 

From the mother's womb 

A large part of what children learn is by imitation. They assimilate what they see and reproduce it from the time they are babies, and even before birth. Shortly before getting pregnant, two friends of mine had babies who were less than one year old, and it surprised me how different the two little girls were. One was restless, cried with ease and any amusement lead quickly to boredom. While the other was calm, smiled placidly and she could entertain herself with a single toy at length. Both mothers were quick to confirm that they had been this way from birth. Watching carefully how each mother cared for their child, I discovered the babies loyally reflected their mother’s character. The mother of the restless girl was nervous and rushed everything, including her attention to her child and the speed with which she spoke to her. Whereas the mother of the calm baby was a more relaxed woman with a soft spoken tone. I took note of the influence the mother had over the child’s personality and decided right then and there to be a relaxed mom in order to have a relaxed baby. I started to practice relaxation techniques which I kept up after pregnancy. I became serene and calm, to the best of my ability, and I can assure you that the word that best described my daughter during her childhood is peaceful. Doctor Thomas Verny studied the influence parents have over children in the womb years ago when he wrote his book, The Secret Life of the Unborn Child, which has become a classic on the topic. 

Carolina is in her seventh month of pregnancy and loves her child above all things. She speaks out-loud to her baby everyday, and even more frequently, with her mind. She tells her baby about the world he will be coming into. She speaks to him of the trees and the coolness of their shadow, of the swaying of the leaves in the breeze and the chirping of the birds who make their nests in them. She tells him that there will be other children to play with and that there will be a toy which will be his favorite above all others. It’s called a ball, it is round and there’s lots of ways to play with it. In his room, there’s already a soft colored ball waiting for him. She also relaxes listening to soft music and singing him songs. Carolina doesn’t doubt that her baby is already assimilating a way to be which implies security, tranquility and optimism. 

It’s easy to see the importance of imitation in the development of psycho-social skills in boys and girls simply looking at their games. When there are children of varying ages, the youngest tries their hardest to copy all of the gestures, words and style of playing of the older children. One of the most popular games is that of the train, where everyone lines up like the wagons of the train and copy the person at the front of the line, or the “locomotive engine”. Many more games have imitation of adults as their key component, such as playing pretend-cooking, shopping, having a tea party with dolls, playing doctor, etc. In a village on a remote mountain, accessible only by boat where one must cross a river and then continue on foot, or with the help of a horse when there's need to procure something from out of town, you will hear the children playing by pretending to cross the river on toy boats and putting things on their toy horses. The children of this family group had replaced the common social jobs for that which they saw in their own homes. There are historical cases of children raised among animals which show how the lack of social contact with humans has direct repercussions. There's a famous case in Spain of a boy named Marcos Rodriguez Pantoja who lived more than twelve years in Sierra Morena without using human language. 

Any adult can be a model for imitation by children, but the most influential are the closest members of the family as well as their teachers. And among these, those who have the most influence, by virtue of being their most direct relatives, the mother and father. We can be sure that children assimilate everything they watch us do and incorporate it into the way they see the world and how they act in it. They create their map of the world and speak to others as they are being spoken to; they act as they see their parents acting in similar situations. This capacity for learning how to behave in daily situations based on imitation of our own parents and the evident way it marks us for life is what we in Spanish refer to as “Mamarlo desde la cuna” (or what in english is referred to as “learned at the mother’s teat”). Our overall way of behaving is ruled by the unconscious, even when as we attempt to rationalize it. It is this unconscious realm that decides how we are forged from birth, and even beyond birth while in our mother’s womb, through the influences we receive. 

Educating in liberty 

According to the Toltec tradition (which we will speak more of later), from the time children are born, they live in their own world, which doesn’t correspond to the logical world which we present to them. As they grow, they shrink their world in order to make it fit into the world which the adults describe to them through their actions and words. There in lies the importance of our influence: the children will mold themselves into the reality we show them. The more open and tolerant we are, the more freely we will raise them, and the more versatile and more polyvalent they will be in the world they create for themselves. Which is why we should avoid remarks such as “That can’t be” or “that’s silly!” when children describe their fantastical and extravagant ideas, because they’d sound like the words of someone who believes that“reality” can only be as they see it. It appears that while the adult brain is in beta waves while we are in the waking state, the child’s brain is functioning mainly in alpha waves, associated with creativity and fantasy, which is why they often seem to be in the clouds or in their own world. Through the process of imitation, children process the reality of the adult’s beta level, but it is absolutely crucial that we allow for and stimulate their fantasy world and that they feel allowed to express and manifest the irrationality of this world. It is probably a much more real world than ours. 

This is why the early learning stage of life is crucial. Everything we are showing those little boys and girls begins to form their behavioral patterns. In this way, gestures and actions play a bigger role than the very words uttered. When actions, gestures and words don’t coincide, we will end up doing whatever is...