Moving Beyond Betrayal (eBook)

The 5-Step Boundary Solution for Partners of Sex Addicts
eBook Download: EPUB
2016
200 Seiten
Central Recovery Press, LLC (Verlag)
978-1-942094-15-9 (ISBN)

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Moving Beyond Betrayal - Vicki Tidwell Palmer
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For anyone affected by a partner’s sex addiction or other addictive behavior, who wants to heal and thrive after betrayal.

A go-to guide on how to confront, heal from, and ultimately thrive after the devastation of betrayal by a partner's compulsive sexual or other addictive behavior

The first book specifically for partners affected by addictive behavior that addresses, in detail, how to identify, create, and maintain boundaries as a vital component of self-care and an indispensable tool for healing and growth. Through working the 5-Step Boundary Solution partners will

  • gain clarity;
  • reduce the chaos inherent in relationships impacted by sex addiction;
  • feel more empowered and in control of their lives;
  • discover whether or not their relationship with the addict is salvageable.

    Vicki Tidwell Palmer is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), and Somatic Experiencing Practitioner (SEP) in private practice in Houston, Texas. She is the author of the blog for partners Survival Strategies for Partners of Sex Addicts.


  • Table of Contents

    A Word about Pronouns
    Acknowledgments
    Introduction

    Chapter One: Your Future Is Not Your Past
    The Courageous Journey
    The Transformational Power of Boundaries
    The Fog of Addiction
    Partners of Sex Addicts: Co-Addicts or Trauma Survivors?
    The Way Out

    Chapter Two: Not All Forms of Addiction Are Created Equal: What You Need to Know About Sex Addiction
    The ABCs of Addiction
    What Sets Sex Addiction Apart
    The Sex Addiction “Excuse”
    Basics of First-Year Sex Addiction Recovery
    Recovery “Slips” and Relapses
    How Partners Are Impacted
    Your Self-Care in Early Discovery

    Chapter Three: First Things First: How to Recognize a Good Boundary When You See One
    The Human Urge Toward Safety
    Boundaries Are Everywhere
    Common Misconceptions and Myths about Boundaries
    The Five Boundaries
    Boundaries at the Extremes
    What Are Boundary Violations?
    Non-negotiable Relationship Boundaries
    What Good Boundaries Can Do for You
    Common Boundaries Set by Partners of Sex Addicts

    Chapter Four: Boundary Solution Step 1: Knowing and Owning Your Reality
    Why You’ve Struggled to Know Your Reality
    How Deception Creates Trauma and Distorts Your Reality
    How to Identify Your Reality in Three Steps
    What About Intuition?
    Reality Checking
    EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 1

    Chapter Five: Boundary Solution Step 2: Getting Your Needs Met
    Knowing Your Needs
    The “Honesty Problem” in Early Recovery from Sex Addiction
    Tolerating the Intolerable
    A Partner’s Bill of Rights
    Creating a Vision of Needs Fulfilled
    EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 2

    Chapter Six: Boundary Solution Step 3: Identifying Your Power Center
    Power, Authentic Power, and Power Over
    How Partners Lose Power
    Vanish the Victim
    Collaborative Transparency
    Your Higher Power
    Identify Your Power Center
    EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 3

    Chapter Seven: Boundary Solution Step 4: Creating and Implementing Your Action Plan
    The Four Possible Actions
    Contracts and Expectations
    Demands, Ultimatums, and Requests
    How to Make Effective Requests
    Best Practices for Presenting a Request
    Partner’s Challenges to Taking Action
    Implementing Your Action Plan
    Examples of Requests Made by Partners of Sex Addicts
    Your Partner’s Rights when Receiving a Request
    EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 4

    Chapter Eight: Boundary Solution Step 5: Evaluate Your Results: Mission Accomplished . . . or Not: When Boundaries Are Broken
    Celebrate Your Success!
    When You Don’t Get the Outcome You Wanted
    The Boundary Was Broken . . . What Now?
    Your Options for Handling Broken Agreements and Boundary Violations
    Self-Care, Consequences, and Punishment
    Commit—with Confidence—to Your Consequence
    EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 5

    Chapter Nine: Speed Bumps, Roadblocks, and Crash Landings: Hidden Barriers to
    Boundary Work and What to Do about Them
    Esteem and Worth
    Difficulty with Emotional Regulation
    Family and Financial Considerations
    Addiction or Untreated Mental Health Concerns
    Overvaluing the Relationship or the Addict (Love Addiction)
    Family of Origin and Preexisting Adult Trauma
    Secrets
    Situations of Domestic Abuse

    Chapter Ten: Burning Is Learning: How Your New Boundary Muscle Will Keep
    You Strong and Serene for a Lifetime

    Chapter Eleven: Partners Beyond Betrayal: Trust, Gratitude, and Forgiveness
    Will I Ever Trust Again?
    Gratitude
    Forgiveness

    Appendix
    5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
    Boundary Evaluation
    How to Take a Relational Time-Out in Six Steps
    Listening Format
    Needs Inventory
    Overview of the Boundary System
    Stages of Healing for Partners of Sex Addicts
    Suggested Recovery Check-In Items for Sex Addicts and Their Partners
    Talking Format and Request
    Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
    Love Addiction Test

    Recommended Reading
    Additional Resources
    Author Resources and Programs


    Table of Contents

    A Word about Pronouns
    Acknowledgments
    Introduction

    Chapter One: Your Future Is Not Your Past
    The Courageous Journey
    The Transformational Power of Boundaries
    The Fog of Addiction
    Partners of Sex Addicts: Co-Addicts or Trauma Survivors?
    The Way Out

    Chapter Two: Not All Forms of Addiction Are Created Equal: What You Need to Know About Sex Addiction
    The ABCs of Addiction
    What Sets Sex Addiction Apart
    The Sex Addiction “Excuse”
    Basics of First-Year Sex Addiction Recovery
    Recovery “Slips” and Relapses
    How Partners Are Impacted
    Your Self-Care in Early Discovery

    Chapter Three: First Things First: How to Recognize a Good Boundary When You See One
    The Human Urge Toward Safety
    Boundaries Are Everywhere
    Common Misconceptions and Myths about Boundaries
    The Five Boundaries
    Boundaries at the Extremes
    What Are Boundary Violations?
    Non-negotiable Relationship Boundaries
    What Good Boundaries Can Do for You
    Common Boundaries Set by Partners of Sex Addicts

    Chapter Four: Boundary Solution Step 1: Knowing and Owning Your Reality
    Why You’ve Struggled to Know Your Reality
    How Deception Creates Trauma and Distorts Your Reality
    How to Identify Your Reality in Three Steps
    What About Intuition?
    Reality Checking
    EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 1

    Chapter Five: Boundary Solution Step 2: Getting Your Needs Met
    Knowing Your Needs
    The “Honesty Problem” in Early Recovery from Sex Addiction
    Tolerating the Intolerable
    A Partner’s Bill of Rights
    Creating a Vision of Needs Fulfilled
    EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 2

    Chapter Six: Boundary Solution Step 3: Identifying Your Power Center
    Power, Authentic Power, and Power Over
    How Partners Lose Power
    Vanish the Victim
    Collaborative Transparency
    Your Higher Power
    Identify Your Power Center
    EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 3

    Chapter Seven: Boundary Solution Step 4: Creating and Implementing Your Action Plan
    The Four Possible Actions
    Contracts and Expectations
    Demands, Ultimatums, and Requests
    How to Make Effective Requests
    Best Practices for Presenting a Request
    Partner’s Challenges to Taking Action
    Implementing Your Action Plan
    Examples of Requests Made by Partners of Sex Addicts
    Your Partner’s Rights when Receiving a Request
    EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 4

    Chapter Eight: Boundary Solution Step 5: Evaluate Your Results: Mission Accomplished . . . or Not: When Boundaries Are Broken
    Celebrate Your Success!
    When You Don’t Get the Outcome You Wanted
    The Boundary Was Broken . . . What Now?
    Your Options for Handling Broken Agreements and Boundary Violations
    Self-Care, Consequences, and Punishment
    Commit—with Confidence—to Your Consequence
    EXERCISE: Boundary Solution Step 5

    Chapter Nine: Speed Bumps, Roadblocks, and Crash Landings: Hidden Barriers to
    Boundary Work and What to Do about Them
    Esteem and Worth
    Difficulty with Emotional Regulation
    Family and Financial Considerations
    Addiction or Untreated Mental Health Concerns
    Overvaluing the Relationship or the Addict (Love Addiction)
    Family of Origin and Preexisting Adult Trauma
    Secrets
    Situations of Domestic Abuse

    Chapter Ten: Burning Is Learning: How Your New Boundary Muscle Will Keep
    You Strong and Serene for a Lifetime

    Chapter Eleven: Partners Beyond Betrayal: Trust, Gratitude, and Forgiveness
    Will I Ever Trust Again?
    Gratitude
    Forgiveness

    Appendix
    5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
    Boundary Evaluation
    How to Take a Relational Time-Out in Six Steps
    Listening Format
    Needs Inventory
    Overview of the Boundary System
    Stages of Healing for Partners of Sex Addicts
    Suggested Recovery Check-In Items for Sex Addicts and Their Partners
    Talking Format and Request
    Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
    Love Addiction Test

    Recommended Reading
    Additional Resources
    Author Resources and Programs

    Erscheint lt. Verlag 16.5.2016
    Sprache englisch
    Themenwelt Sachbuch/Ratgeber Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie Krankheiten / Heilverfahren
    Sachbuch/Ratgeber Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie Lebenshilfe / Lebensführung
    Medizin / Pharmazie Gesundheitsfachberufe
    Medizin / Pharmazie Medizinische Fachgebiete Suchtkrankheiten
    Schlagworte betrayal • Boundaries • Counseling • infidelity • marriage • Recovery • relationships • Relationships and Recovery • Sex Addiction • Sexual Health Recovery • Trauma
    ISBN-10 1-942094-15-9 / 1942094159
    ISBN-13 978-1-942094-15-9 / 9781942094159
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