Today is the worst day of my life.

Cold air bites the back of my neck as we walk to the place where people come to mourn the dead. A field where the purple glow of the grass turns icy white in the presence of a body whose soul has left this world. The Field of Mourning, where even nature knows what’s happening and cries with the people who’ve come to say goodbye.

Just a few days ago, Dad was telling me how proud he was of me. How he would always be there for me. We were fighting to save Lucas and Samuel in Astaroth, and now … The hollowness in my chest grows bigger every time I think about it. I hear Dad’s screams of pain as that monster stole his life away while I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I wish the whole ground would swallow me up. It’s what I deserve.

Every single person in the city is here, dressed in white, each carrying a blue crystal star. They fill the field and the roads leading to it, all to bid their goodbyes. I chew the inside of my cheek and fight against the shakiness of my fists. My stomach lurches and the back of my throat burns. I wasn’t strong enough to save him.

A powerful wind blows, and everyone suddenly turns around. Their sad eyes look behind me, but I stay completely still, clutching at my white dress. I bite my lip. No … This shouldn’t be happening. I don’t want to see it!

I hear footsteps slowly approaching. In the corner of my eye, I see the long white crystal box being carried by the tamers, passing through the white rose-vine arches that lead to the front of the mourners. Please. Don’t. Sweat prickles my forehead and I look down and focus on the small speck of dirt on one of my shoes. I don’t wanna see it.

Tiny soul butterflies slowly flap around the field on colourful wings like little flying hearts, but their presence only makes me wanna throw up. They only ever appear when someone has died; a symbol of death.

I hear the soft thuds of people pounding fists against their chests in respect as the box passes, but what’s the point when he can’t see any of it? What’s the point in any of this? My fingernails dig hard into my palms next. The pain keeps my feet planted to the ground. No matter how much I want to, I can’t run away. There’s no changing the past.

A soft snout rubs against my cheek, but I can’t bring myself to look at the black shadowy umbra beside me, even though I appreciate the gesture.

The sight of Jada’s braids catches my eye. She tries to make eye contact, but I stare blankly ahead. Next to me, Lucas’s wails sound distant, a faint echo in the freezing wind. Mum picks him up with one arm and holds him close. To my surprise, she pushes the fingers of her free hand against mine, breaking through my clenched fist. I barely register her touch because all I feel is numb. I should have done more. I WASN’T STRONG ENOUGH!

Then I properly see it. The long white box that glistens in the moonlight. Only … It’s not a box. It’s a coffin … with my daddy in it, and I won’t ever be able to see him again.

Sobs echo around me, but I can’t cry, or shout, or anything. There’s emptiness where my heart should be. I stare at the coffin through narrow eyes. Maybe it’s because I know the truth. I could’ve saved him, so I don’t deserve to cry.

The coffin is lowered on to the pedestal of ancients, which is made from stone and moon crystal. Engraved around the top and bottom are symbols of stars and the moon. When the coffin touches down, both it and the pedestal illuminate. My jaw clenches. Mum squeezes my hand again.

Lux interrupts my thoughts. ‘Mouse.’

I turn to him. His fur is as white as the coffin in front of me. He’s swapped places with Nox to stand beside me and he licks my cheek and nods towards Mum, whose eyes shine with tears.

‘It’s time to send his soul to the light, sweetheart,’ she whispers. ‘Will you come to the front with me? You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.’

‘I’ll do it,’ I mutter hoarsely. I don’t even recognise my own voice.

‘Me too, Mummy,’ Lucas whispers into her neck.

One by one, the tamers place a crystal star on the coffin and stand on either side of it. Jada squeezes my arm when she passes me and places her star down. She glances back at us and presses her fist to her chest in honour of the greatest tamer who ever lived. Daniel McKenna.

Now it’s our turn.

My hand slips from Mum’s grasp and I make my way to the front with Lux and Nox. Overhead, Jada’s umbra, Ruby, soars through the air with her beautiful black-feathered wings, singing. Her beautiful voice fills the entire field, stirring even my numb heart.

I stare at the coffin in front of me. I can’t picture him inside. Just lying there, motionless. There, but not there, and now it’s time for his soul to fly.

My fingers brush against the rough crystals, and I feel Mum and Lucas’s presence beside me. Spike joins us next and finally Bolt, who doesn’t say a word, but whose dull, barely golden eyes say it all. Devastation. Loss.

I inhale a deep breath and let my hand fall to my side. Time to say goodbye.

‘Together,’ Mum whispers. Lucas stands on the other side of her and my hands slowly rise with his and Mum’s and, as one, we say the words of farewell.

‘Today you return to the stars, for that is where your soul was born. Though you may not be physically here, you’re never gone because you’re always in our hearts. So, we will carry on this life for you, in your honour.’

‘I love you, Daniel,’ Mum says.

‘Love you, Daddy,’ Lucas whispers next, and my throat clogs up. For the first time since the funeral started, the backs of my eyes burn.

This is really goodbye. No more butterfly notes, no more hugs, no more kisses. Never hearing ‘Baby-girl’ again. Nothing but the memory of them. A single tear rolls down my cheek.

‘I love you … Dad.’ And I’m so sorry.

Bolt walks closer and bows his head. I’ve never seen an umbra shed tears, but the heartbreak on his face is enough to make anyone cry as he places a shadowy paw on the coffin. ‘You will forever be my tamer, Daniel McKenna.’

The pedestal opens and glows brighter as the coffin descends inside of it and it closes shut. Moments later, a burst of shimmering stars erupts into the sky, and Dad’s beautiful soul returns to the light.

The stars vanish and rain sprinkles down on us. It’s like the moon is crying too. As our friends and neighbours walk forward to pay their last respects, I sigh, falling back into the crowd, letting the mass swallow me. I make for a quieter space, but jump when someone pats my back.

‘Mia.’

I turn around and Mikasa, Thomas, Lincoln, Layla and TJ stand there. My heart tugs seeing them. ‘Guys.’

I open out my arms and they all hug me close. Tears finally fall down my cheeks and I squeeze them as tight as I can.

‘We’ve got your back,’ Mikasa whispers. ‘Always.’

‘Thanks, Kas,’ I whisper back, choking on the tears. The strength of their arms around me gives me comfort and I close my eyes, burying my face into them. Thank you, guys.

I let go and wipe my eyes with my sleeves. Layla bites her lip like she wants to say something, but whatever it is, she decides to keep quiet. Lincoln lets out a sigh, probably relieved that Layla showed some restraint for once. I could almost laugh, but I’m not ready for that yet.

A little way off, I see Mikasa’s parents and Thomas and Lincoln’s dad waiting for them, and jealousy grips my heart. It’s so unfair that my dad is gone.

The ceremony ends, but the emptiness inside me stays. Mum tries to convince me to come to the Celebration of Life party, but I just wanna go home and sleep. As much as I want to celebrate Dad’s life, my energy is completely zapped. I need to be alone.

Lux and Nox decide to come home with me and, to my surprise, so does Bolt. The panther-like umbra walks silently beside me down the empty street and I rest my hand on his dark head. His shadows brush my hand and lightly wrap around my fingers. He’s hurting as much as me, if not more. If that’s even possible.

In the distance, the faint buzz of music echoes behind us from city hall, where the party is being held. There will be hunter’s wine, astrology caramel cakes and cinnamon bread. Right now, people are probably remembering all the cool things Dad has done and what he was like growing up. They’ll be sharing stories of how he helped them, or maybe some funny tales, like the time he was giving me a piggyback ride by the bridge and Mum pranked us with a scary mask. We almost fell into the river. The...