Playing Hurt... (eBook)

Chapter 3

SPIRITUAL IDENTITY CRISIS

In 1995, Disney/Pixar released the first animated film. It was a movie called “The Toy Story.” In this movie, a little boy named Andy had all of his toys come to life. The story line was built around the conversations the toys have. Among those toys was a dinosaur named Rex. Rex had an identity issue. After all, he was a dinosaur. People are supposed to be afraid of dinosaurs, right? The problem was that his inside didn’t match his outside. Yes, on the outside he was a BIG, scary-looking dinosaur, but on the inside, he was soft hearted and lovable. He would even try to roar really loud to scare people, but it didn’t work. Even when he gave it his best effort to be scary, the others would often respond with, “Oh, hey Rex.” He wanted so bad for people to be afraid of him, but to no avail. Why? They knew who he really was on the inside. Once again, his inside did not match his outside.

I know a lot of God’s people today who are living with a SPIRITUAL IDENTITY CRISIS. Their outside does not match the inside. On the exterior, they try to put on a smile and come off like they have it all together. However, on the inside, they are broken, hurting, and afraid. They have not dealt with many of the heart issues that plague them on a daily basis.

“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the spirit of Sonship. And by Him we cry, Abba, Father. The spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory.” (Romans 8:15–17)

I think most of us struggled with our identity when we were younger. It was a time of trying to fit in and be accepted. When I was young, I would even go so far as to tell lies in order to be accepted.

I remember several instances of this. The struggle was real. I remember one time when I was a boy that our family went to another family’s house for dinner. During the conversation, a story was told about a boy who had won a spelling bee contest in his school. When they heard that story, my parents went on and on about how awesome that was and how smart that boy was. So, guess what . . . In a few days I came home from school and announced I had won the spelling bee contest at school. I hadn’t, but I still told them I had. I wanted my parents to go on and on about me like they had the other boy. I wasn’t secure in who I was. That was not my parents’ fault, it was mine.

In high school, it was all about getting the girl. I wanted to date this girl from another school, but another guy from her school also wanted to date her. I found out he was the quarterback of the football team. Guess what? Yep. I suddenly told her I was also a quarterback. I wasn’t, but I told it. I wasn’t secure in who I was. That was not this girl’s fault, it was mine.

I grew up in church, and we had a youth choir that would travel and sing some in the summer. I didn’t sing and still don’t. You’re welcome.

We went to this one church, and everyone in that youth group played an instrument. They were talking about it, and I felt like I had to say something to fit in. So, I blurted out that I played the bass guitar. I didn’t, but I said I did. I faked it. Then one day it happened . . . I walked into church a little late one Wednesday night. My pastor, from the microphone, said, “Lynn, come on up here and play the bass.” I had told everyone I played, but I didn’t. It was embarrassing to say the least.

I had an IDENTITY MELTDOWN on more than one occasion growing up. I wasn’t sure who I was. I wanted to fit in. I wanted everyone to like me. I was even willing to lie. Maybe you’ve had a similar experience? Maybe you are still struggling with identity issues? I continue to see these struggles in people everywhere I go. I am most concerned that more often than not, these identity issues carry over to our spiritual life.

I want to look at what I call the CIA of Identity . . .

COMPARISIONS: The reality is this: it greatly affects our identity if we constantly compare ourselves to others. Why? Because we always compare our worst to everyone else’s best. We compare our lives to the lives people put on Facebook or Instagram. Really? That is only the aspect of their lives they want you to see. Remember that.

“If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else.” (Galatians 6:3–4)

Here is the main problem with the Comparison Trap . . . It affects our spiritual perception! We perceive that God must love others more because we feel they are more talented, etc. We think if we pray more, then God will love us more. The fact is GOD CANNOT LOVE YOU ANY MORE THAN HE DOES ALREADY. His love for you knows no bounds.

When I came out of Bible College, I was called to be an evangelist. I knew that, and while all my friends were accepting youth pastor positions, I was trying to book services. I started watching what I called “successful” evangelists. I thought if I copied what they did, then I would be successful. So, I preached loud and waved a hankie while I preached. It backfired on me because it was not who I was/am. I didn’t really find peace in my heart until I started being me and preaching like me.

You and I will never be at peace with ourselves until we learn that being us is the best thing we can do. YOU are the best YOU there will ever be. Be YOU! Don’t compare yourselves with others. God needs YOU to be YOU!

INFERIORITY: That means to “be less than.” To be superior means to be “greater than.”

As a traveling minister, I work with all different types of people and personalities on a regular basis. I have come across many people who believe they are “greater than” everyone else. Let’s be clear; just because you outrank someone at work or have more money than someone, it does not make you “greater than” them as an individual. ALL people were created in the image of God, and before God, we are all equal. Again, we are talking about people here. I understand there are times we must submit to authority or follow instructions from those who are our superiors at work; however, on judgement day, we will all be on a level field with God, giving account for our actions. Besides, the Kingdom of God is about humility. Arrogance is the opposite of that. Someone once said that “Conceit is a disease that makes everyone sick except the person who has it.” I agree.

Then I often come across people who feel “less than.” They have been so degraded and beat down by others that they are mentally and emotionally crippled. They have been criticized all their lives and their self-image is destroyed. I pray these words get in your spirit, my friend . . . YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD! The opinion of others does not outrank the opinion of God. Not ever.

One of the greatest leaders in the Word of God had a real inferiority problem. He always felt he wasn’t good enough. In fact, he had several conversations with God about it. You may know of him; his name is Moses.

In Exodus 3:10, God was sending him out, “So now, go. I am sending you to Pharoah to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” Moses’ response was, “I AM A NOBODY.” “But Moses said to God, “Who am I, that I should go to Pharoah and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” In other words, God, I am a nobody. Get someone more well-known and popular. In Ex. 3:12 God assured him that He would be with him, but that didn’t stop Moses.

Ex. 3:13 says, “Moses said to God, ‘Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘the God of your fathers has sent me to you, and they ask me what is his name? What shall I say?’” God’s response in verse 14 was, “I am who I am!” You see, not only did Moses feel like a “nobody,” he also felt ignorant. Too ignorant to be used by God.

In Exodus 4:1, “Moses answered, ‘What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?” Now Moses’s argument is I MIGHT FAIL. Did you ever get in an argument with God? How did that work out for you?

Nothing seems to be working, but Moses keeps trying to explain to God why he cannot do what God has asked him to do. So now he is going to play the “lack of talent card.” Ex. 4:10, “Moses said to the Lord, ‘O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.’” In other words, I AM NOT TALENTED.

Ok. Nothing is working here, so Moses will just come out and say what he has wanted to say all along . . . SEND SOMEONE ELSE! (Ex. 4:13) “But Moses said to the Lord, ‘O Lord, please send someone else to do it.’”

So here is how an inferior person responds when God calls:

1. I am a nobody
2. I am ignorant
3. I might fail
4. I am not talented
5. Send someone else

Friend, God is looking for availability, not ability. If he calls you, He will equip you! You are His child.

Right now, I cancel off of you every critical word that has been spoken to you. Every harsh verbal attack on you is now deemed NULL AND VOID through the power of Jesus. You are NOT who or what...