Ethical Porn for Dicks (eBook)

David J. Ley, Ph.D., is an internationally-recognized expert on issues related to sexuality, pornography and mental health. He has appeared on television with Anderson Cooper, Katie Couric, Dr. Phil and has been in publications ranging from the LA Times and the London Telegraph, to Playboy and HUSTLER magazines. Dr. Ley has published extensively in both the academic and “pop” realms of literature. His two books, The Myth of Sex Addiction (2012) and Insatiable Wives (2009) were revolutionary explorations of sexual issues which blended a powerful client-centered narrative with a rich understanding of psychology, biology, and sociology.

Dr. Ley has been treating sexuality issues throughout his career. He first began treating perpetrators and victims of sexual abuse, but expanded his approach to include the fostering and promotion of healthy sexuality, and awareness of the wide range of normative sexual behaviors. Insatiable Wives is his first book and won a Silver Medal in the Foreword Magazine Book of the Year contest for 2009. Dr. Ley wrote Insatiable Wives following two years of interviews with couples around the country. His controversial second book, The Myth of Sex Addiction was released in March 2012, challenging the concept of sexual addiction and exploring a different model of male sexuality. The Myth of Sex Addiction triggered a firestorm of debate, allowing people to finally challenge the media hype of this pseudo-disorder.

Dr. Ley is a practicing clinical psychologist and he directs an addiction recovery clinic in Albuquerque, NM.

-Introduction to Illustrations
-What this book is, and isn’t.
-How to read this book.
-Men and women
-Am I a dick, just because I watch porn?
-I feel like I’m a porn addict
-What is porn anyway?
-Let’s get it out of the way. Yes. I watch porn.
-Why is porn use such a silly secret? We all know guys watch it, and we all pretend they don’t.
-Jerking off to porn isn't as satisfying as real sex, is it? Is it?
-I get hard really quickly when I’m watching porn, but when I’m with my girlfriend, it takes longer. Should I be worried?
-Is Watching Porn Cheating?
-I’ve been really stressed out lately, and sometimes, porn is the only thing that can take my mind off things. Why?
-Is it wrong to use porn to turn off my stress?
-People would freak out if they knew some of the stuff I masturbate to, and sometimes I worry there’s something really wrong with me.
-Come on, that might be true for most people, but fantasizing about rape, or kids is just sick, and has to affect whether people will do those things!
-Aren’t women better than men, at having fantasies that they don’t ever want to act on?
-No, seriously. I fantasize about some fucked up shit. I watch videos of stuff that is really out there, and afterwards, I feel really messed up?
-Do the porn videos I watch reveal things about me? Are they an X-ray of my sexual secrets?
-I watch a lot of porn, and sometimes, I find myself seeing women in real life, and wondering what they’d look like naked, or in porn. It’s like those images get in my head, and I start looking at all women that way.
-How do I stop objectifying people? It’s like I’m always thinking about porn at some level.
-I like some extreme kinds of porn. Things like simulated rapes, and extreme bondage. Am I fucked up by liking that stuff? Am I putting myself at risk by watching that stuff? Could I turn into a rapist? Could I get arrested for watching it?
-I feel really guilty watching porn, because I know that most of the girls in porn are on drugs, or doing porn just because they’re broke, or they were abused or something. But, I still end up watching porn, and then I feel shitty about myself. Like I was taking advantage of those girls.
-I’m obsessed with a certain performer. I don’t want to be a stalker, but I’m really infatuated with them.
-I used to fantasize a lot about having a threesome with two girls. But now, when I watch porn, I almost always watch porn where a girl is getting gangbanged by a bunch of guys. What’s up with that?
-My teenage son is watching really violent porn, with gangbangs, BDSM and extreme domination towards women. This bothers me, especially when I hear that he has some really negative attitudes about girls and how they should “give up sex” to the guy.
-It seems like every time I turn on the television, I see somebody talking about how dangerous porn is, how destructive it is to people, to healthy sex, to kids. It’s hard not to listen and get concerned, by what these people say.
-I worry that I might be gay, because sometimes, I end up watching shemale porn.
-I’ve been watching porn for years, and have really gotten to the point where I prefer watching it and masturbating, to having sex with my wife, even when she wants sex. How do I stop, and go back to having sex with her?
-Someone got fired at work recently, because they found out he was watching porn at work. I don’t want that to happen to me, but sometimes, I’ve gotten bored and distracted, and just accidentally ended up looking at porn.
-My girlfriend got upset because when we had sex, she said I was treating her like a porn star. I get that real life and porn are different. But how? What should I be doing different in real life?
-How do I talk to my girlfriend/wife about my porn use? I hate keeping it secret, and I worry I’ll get caught and everything will go to hell.
-Why do women hate porn so much, anyway? What’s the big deal?
-I really, really don’t want to ever see any child porn. I have zero interest in it. Less than zero. But I’m terrified that if I watch porn, I might accidentally see some, and then it’s in my head and on my hard drive and I could get caught and go to jail forever…
-I accidentally saw/downloaded child porn. I’m literally shitting my pants here. What do I do now? Set my computer on fire?
-How can I be safe, watching porn? Safe from getting arrested, or getting exposed as a pervert, to everybody that knows me?
-Is it unhealthy to always masturbate to porn? I used to masturbate to fantasies of the girl next door, and stuff like that. But now, every time I’m going to jerk off, I turn on porn. Is that ok?
-I really like amateur porn. I love the realness of it. The girls (and guys) are sometimes chunky, or not very pretty, but they are really into it. They’re doing it because they like it, not to buy drugs and stuff. That turns me on, that it’s not just an act. But, is amateur porn better for you?
-I’m fifty now, and when I was a kid, we had to beat off to the lingerie section of JC Penny’s catalogs. Now, there’s porn everywhere, instantly accessible. You can’t tell me that there’s not a difference, and that this access to porn isn’t changing things.
-Maybe it sounds stupid, but I am a feminist, and I feel guilty watching porn, because I worry about the girls, and I get upset when guys do things like hit the girls with their dicks. Is there a way I can watch ethical porn, where I can feel safe that the people are not being taken advantage of, that the women are being treated well, and all that?
-Women read erotica, men watch porn. Are they really all that different?
-I used to get hard when the wind blew. Just thinking about a girl I saw could get me hard. Now, with porn so available, it takes me longer to get hard, and, if I just try to get hard by fantasizing, it takes a long time and sometimes, I never get fully hard.
-I really need to stop watching so much porn. How can I cut down? I try, and tell myself I won’t do it, and then I end up watching anyway. How can I stop?
-Do I need to stop watching porn, to “reboot” my brain and my erection?
-My favorite porn is porn that I’ve made, with ex-girlfriends, or people that I know. When we broke up, I told them I destroyed it, but I didn’t. It really turns me on to watch it and think about them. What should I do?
-I’d really like my girlfriend/wife to watch porn with me, but she says it’s disgusting. How can I get her to give it a chance? I watch her dumb romance movies with her all the time. Why is porn different?
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